Isn't this picture a hoot? It made me think of the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy falls in the pigpen, and both she and the farmhand appear scared to death. That part of the movie always seemed so odd to me. I could not figure out why they were so scared of pigs? I guess they can get pretty big, and dirty and maybe agressive. I don't know.
So I have been a little down lately. I think physically tired from moving my household and overwhelmed with work and home organization, end of school, the list goes on....
Also, I have been really down since I heard about the Chapman Family's little Maria. Afraid, really. Like the line in the Narnia movie, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, where Aslan (God) is described as not being "safe", but being good.
Good but not safe, can be scary. We want both. Yet God's perspective and long-range view, is safe and good, but being long-range, the short-range view, can be scary.
As I was reflecting on this last night, I wrote down my three fears. In my mind, there were only three that really eat at me. All the rest that pop-up, can be taken in tow, but these three are my biggest "pigs". Dirty, big and possibly aggressive, at least in my mind. They are:
Those are it. My biggies....all else is straw to be trodden. But THOSE! BIG!
And I realized, I do not control ANY of those, cannot do a thing about them. They are ALL in God's control. So I can trust in the Lord, pray the powerful effective prayer and BELIEVE GOD and His word.
I CHOOSE to. He loves with an everlasting love, and an eternal point of view. His perfect view and love casts out my fears. So, surrendered to His will, praying His will be done, if ANY of my fears happen, I know it is within His plan and His power can overcome it.
As I wrote out verse after verse last night, of trusting in God no matter what, I felt His peace return and my heart lift. Then today, I read the most precious email describing Maria Champman's memorial service. It was truly awesome and a testimony to our God. If I can get permission to share it, I will post it here.
Out God is good, He is powerful and wise and knows far beyond our understanding. His ways are far above our ways. I trust Him.
I found the last diaper today....
Not meaning a state of emergency in which I need to rush to the store for more...my kids are way past the diaper stage at 9,7 and almost 5, although I have thought of putting a diaper on the cotton-pickin' puppy, sometimes.
We are moving, and being in a state of denial, I have been lax and leisurely about packing. Probably because it seems such an insurmountable task. So I thought I could conquer the front hall closet. Small space, not used much, and if I just succumbed and gave up, I can just shut the closet door, and no one is the wiser. :) Perfect place for lax-leisure-lady to start.
So, I did. And I actually finished it, except for Mary's hanging dresses which I just plan to transport without packing. .... On the top shelf, untouched for 5 years, I found my second mini-diaper bag. This was the emergency on the go, type bag. Opening it up, I did not even remember it was a diaper bag, looked more like a camera bag.
What did I find inside? The last, lone diaper. Anthony's. AKA Tadpole. One last diaper and vestige of his babyhood. ........ A reminder of what has transpired in this house, the past five years, as we get ready to move....
Nicholas changing from a 4 yr old to a 9 year old boy....Tadpole from my toddling baby boy, to a first grader, and Mary joining our family. We have had such times in this house. Growth, love....struggles, triumphs...and the very presence of El Shaddai. I have never loved God as much as I have these past five years in this house.
So I am keeping the last diaper. Putting in my treasure chest....to treasure the last stage of babyhood, and to remember this season.
Bittersweet...nostalgic hope. I love my kids so much right now. The stage each of them are in. I look so forward to the stages to come. The plans our Abba has for us.....for hope and a future....
My heart encompasses the past, the future, and the moment......
(And look how much time I got away from packing, by writing this!!!! :))
A picture of Tadpole (in the yellow in the back) and Nicholas, reading, when we moved into this house....4 and 2. Hearts raw from a broken family, yet so young to not understand why....old enough to feel the pain.
(Amusing....Nicholas' chosen reading. I wonder if it helped?)
If God's word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path, why do I feel like I am stumbling along in the dark all alone?
Because, for it to be my lamplight, I gotta use it. To use it I gotta be in it, read it, meditate on it, memorize it, lift it high at the right times.
Consistently. Daily. Even moment by moment.
I know this.
My head knows this. My heart has experienced this, so my heart knows this. My spirit most definately knows this.
And yet, I will go stretches of time when I do not do this. I do not focus and do the very thing I know I need to have light pouring over me.
Why is that?
Why would we know what to do, but still not do it. In this case, it is not unbelief, because I have experienced it personally and know it is true. It is not lack of time, because I have made the time before, so I know I can carve this time out. It is not desire, because I desire to walk in the light.
So what is it?
Fleshly laziness. That is it. Just plain ol' lack-of-discipline laziness. Justing being doh-doh bird, flapping around in the dark, sqawking about my lack, when I know what to do.
Like Paul, that which I want to do, I do not!!!!
Thank you Lord from your mercy and your word hidden in my heart. Turn my laziness to faithfulness. I need your lamplight.
I am just feeling the love tonight. The love of God, from so many directions, but I know truly from above.
Yesterday my mom sent me an email that just burrowed into the core of me. She just "gets me" sometimes andu can just say exactly what it really is. How blessed am I to have that. She pinpointed my sadness, and just wrapped her love all around it...and then ended with a prophecy that brought tears to me eyes, I wanted it to be so ....so bad. She said at the end, after sharing all the loving ways her and dad are here for me and coming along side us, and said:
"You have a wonderful life ahead of you, Sandee. ...and YES , that IS prophecy."
Just makes my heart spill over. I want that so for my family. My heartwish is love and joy and hope and all wrapped up in God, smackdabr in the middle of His will and presence.
I know the road I am traveling is not only a different one, but also an untraveled road for us. I know God is walking it before, behind, beside and around us.
My dear friend Rebecca gave me a cd by Chondra Pierce for my birthday. She is a singer, Christian comedian, speaker. I listened to her today and laughed, and cried and she spoke into my heart. Loved it. That God is with us even in our dark days or down times and to just keep on and do the next thing.
One of the mom's in the yahoo group I belong to, just got back from Ethiopia with her son and posted a little of there adjustment and feelings...and it was such a blessing. I just felt God's love all over it. What an awesome group of families, these families I know who are adopting children from Ethiopia.....What a blessing to just hear about it.
I am working on interviewing for an au pair, which is a blessing too. I am praying God will guide us to the right young lady, that we will be a blessing to her and she is us. I am looking forward to see what God will do.
My mom shared with me this great letter written by David Wilkerson, about how God hears and answers our prayers. It spoke and encouraged me...so I want to share some of it here. Enjoy reading and have a blessed day!
"Dearly Beloved,
Let me share with you some very healing thoughts about faith and love. I believe God works miracles in answer to the prayer of faith. And I believe every promise in God's Word as is. But, through much suffering and tears, I have discovered something wonderful about the way God works. What you are about to read should help renew your confidence in the Lord and set you free from the bondage of trying to figure out faith.
Here are my conclusions
If you can't give God perfect faith, give Him perfect love. "Perfect love casts out all fear." Not perfect faith, but perfect love. Perfect love is the rest God has for his people. He wants us to rest in his love, trusting that he will always come to our aid as a father to a hurting child in spite of our inadequate faith.
Stop evaluating or grading your faith. And stop trying to figure out faith. The Bible says, "Now abideth faith, hope, charity; these three; but the greatest of these is charity" (I cor 13"13)
If you are going to specialize in anything, specialize in love. The Bible says, "Faith works by love". Without love, all faith is in vain.
If God does not answer certain of our prayers, we can be sure he has some great eternal reasons for not doing so.
It boils down to this: God has all power and can do anything. Nothing is impossible to Him. He has promised to answer every prayer in Christ's name. So we must ask in full assurance of faith, expecting an answer. But should God delay that answer or choose another path for us, He must have a mighty good reason for it all. And we must believe that whatsoever God permits in our lives, it will one day all work to our good. "We know all things work together for the good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).
Our heavenly Father knows exactly where we are going and what we need. He will give us what is best, in proper Holy Spirit timing. "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him." (Matthew 7:11)
God will not permit you to be overcome by your trials. You may come to what you think of as your breakingpoint. Yet, If you will not harden your heart but fall into his arms, trusting his everlasting love for you, you will survive and live to tell of his faithfulness.
God be with you.... David Wilkerson
I thought that was worth sharing, as we each are on an untraveled road, to know that God knows exactly where we are going and Jesus is with us and will provide what we need.
