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Go Big Red!

One of my favorite block of memories in high school was the whole "school spirit", sports, pep-rallys...thing. :) I was on the dance team and each game, each pep rally, even our practices, the uniforms, the band music, would excite me and get my blood pumping. Just good clean fun!

Nick joined the 5th grade band, and last night he was playing, on the saxophone, their school fight song. At one point they pause, silent then shout, GO BIG RED! :)

And he has joined the basketball team, and I leave the game each time with a scratchy throats from my cheering.

Today at school they had a big pep-rally, parents invited, where each class decorated a "float" (aka red wagon) and did their best Viking cheers. My two men donned their freshly knitted viking hats and momma had a blast. As I took pictures and grinned from ear to ear at all the excitement and fun, I thought: WoW~ I get to do it all over again! My favorite part of high school, I get to do again, and again, and again, and again and again! 9With 5 kids, that's quite a few agains. :) )

A silly blessing, but a blessing all the same! Thanks Lord!

and....we have a game tomorrow... Go Big Red!

It wasn't all bad...

It is funny, a blog by Beth Moore's daughter (here: http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com/2009/01/couple-of-hard-cases.html) took me back to the 7th grade, being the first one to wear a maxi-dress, going to lunch time sock hops and being a foot taller than my partners and dancing to "Turn around, look at me.". My my...how love sick we were for "love". Yet, I was still so innocent and optimistic about the whole boy/girl thing. So many broken hearts later, I realize it wasn't all bad. All the experiences in my life, and my past weren't all bad.

I often feel shame over parts of my past, embarassement at others, but I have to admit, some grins and giggles too, and nostalga. It wasn't all so bad and tainted as I have sometimes carried it in my mind. And underneath the grey roots and eye-corner wrinkles, is still a 7th-grade girl, longing for her white-horsed prince.

Striving to earn grace...

Whew! I am glad yesterday is behind me. It went from low to a slight rise and then far worse! Gone, done, behind. I heard the words to a song today, that I put in my title, "Stiving to earn grace" and it just bonked! That's me! Quit the striving! Stop the insanity. Rest in God.

Yawn...

I am tired.

Taddy woke up twice last night. I did better, went to bed at 10:30, but after thet two times of tucking Taddy back in bed, I never fell back asleep until the third or fourth tap on the snooze alarm, and then only for the 15 minutes until the snooze alarm went off again. So tired.

I am fighting a bad habit of staying up too late, not falling asleep well, and being tired most of the time. :(

So, being tired, I do not react as well to things...ya' know. all the things in life. Internal reactions, thank goodness..but still.

Like:

-the latch on the PT Cruiser back hatch door not working! Ugh. The latch on the minivan was already in the same state, and I had not made an appointment for repair yet, so NOW I have both to deal with.

-the news on the radio this am, 30,000 folks being laid-off from a list of 4 or 5 companies. Where are those folks going to find a job? Companies aren't hiring, they are laying off? And if it is them, it could be me.

-side-ache, and need to call the doctor to get them to fax, again, the referral for the appointment that I did not make three months ago, and the doctors line is busy, and then, oh, out to lunch for two hours.

-sleepy-headed headache

ok. you get the jist. Not a good MOOD. And did I not just read two days ago, in my Esther homework, it is not our mood, but our mindset.

So walking to the cafe, I pulled out a little tablet I have in my purse. One that I have written verses in over the past two years, to refresh my soul. Here are the few I read:

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all my days. Ps 90:14 I thought, yes, even this day.....even this one

My soul, wait silently for God alone for my expectaion is from Him. PS 62.5

When I am _________ (afraid) {fill in the blank with whatever 'mood' YOU are in.} I will trust in you! PS 56:3

Find REST oh my soul in God alone, my HOPE comes from Him. YOu O God are strong and you O Lord are loving. PS 62:5,11,12

The Lord hears the needy {that be me} and does not despise His captive people. PS 69:33

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through, may your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The onewho calls you is faithful and HE will do it. I Thess 5:23,24

According to the plan of Him who WORKS OUT EVERYTHING in conformity with the purpose of His will. Eph 1:11

Know that the hand of the Lord is powerful. Josh 4:24

Sometimes (most times, all the time) my soul just needs a little washing of the water of the word.

God is in control, on his throne, I can fall back on Him.

Juggling....

Tuesday nights I lead a women's Bible study at church. I think I mentioned that before. It starts at 7. I usually get there at 6:30 to have it set up.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, my son Nick has a basketball game. It was at 3:30. (I was going to have to leave work early.)..but the game would be done by 4:30...more than enough time to get home, fix something to eat and get to the study in time to set up.

Just got an email, they moved the game to 5:30.

Ugh!

done at 6:30 and then drive a 30 minute on a good day with no traffic, during rush hour.

Ugh!

But I don't feel like I can miss his game, plus how in the world would he get home?

Ugh!

So I am going to go over to the church during lunch to set up for the study, I have emailed two different ladies to see if either can get it started for me, if I am late.

I should call and ask.

I am a chicken. Now how dumb is that? WHY would I be chicken about asking someone to help me out, voice to voice, vs keyboard to keyboard. Maybe delayed rejection?

Why can't I ask for help? IT is SOOOOOO hard for me to do that. Most the time I do not want to bother anyone! Ya know, do it all myself, wonder woman.

Ugh!

What would you do?

I know, but I won't!

I will wait until tomorrow and see if anyone answered my email.

Chicken.

Just call me the juggling chicken!

Confessions of a Bible Study facilitator...

Confession: I am leading a women's Bible study at church. We are doing Beth Moore's Esther study on Tuesday nights. It comes with a workbook with 5 days of homework. Last night, Sunday, I did four of the five days homework. I was a little behind with the study being tomorrow night.

What did Esther have to say to me last night?

A lot:

"Life sometimes isn't pretty....and this isn't pretend."

I had been wondering, even prayed, a little, with this funk I seem to be in, and with two little girls coming this spring, and not being able to just whisk them off to a room without understanding where they "stranger" they will be calling 'momma' is, whether I should ask to skip leading the next Bible Study. And even questioning, the effectiveness of the Bible Studies. Does it really matter? I KNOW it matters in my life, I KNOW it impacts the women who come to the study, what I mean is ME LEADING IT, couldn't anyone turn on the lights, chat for a couple of minutes and then push play on a dvd? So I decided to pray about it and wait and see. Back to what Esther had to say:

" Your labor is not in vain. God's word really does renew the minds and transform lives. So, small-group leader, stay the course!" Do you think she was talking to me?

We are "learning that we have to deal with our mean streak every time it rears its ugly head."

"What spoke to you most personally about meanness in session 2?" How I can be mean! :( How rivalry brings meanness out in my kids (and in me?)

"We swap pain for anger."

"Take care not to slander, we can't control where our words will go. ....if we discern something evil or suspicious, God calls us to take our concerns to Him." See there is that message to pray about everything, again!

Day after day ... the temptation for Mordecai to either bow down and slander Haman came day after day after day after day....the tempation of Joseph with Potiphar's wife, came day after day after day after day...the day in, day out stuff, is what tempts us.

When was the last time you felt like anunseen enemy was trying to blast his way through your gate with the force and repetition of a battering ram?

Day in day out, anger in my family, the tension and the unkind, mean and impatient responses we CAN all have.

We have to respond "out of our mind-set rathre than our mood". Joseph's made up mind was stronger than his mood.

He (God) had the tenacious love to stick with me and help this chronic weakling grow stronger. I've had to learn to be intentional and determined about where I would set my mind. We cannot dempend on a good mood to get us through.

May God be allowed to work such steadfastness of mind in you.... Amen!

Trust that time is God's alone to give. Every man-scheduled date subjected upon His children is written....on God's calendar. ....it is a date with Christ! (Mame and Hanna's court date.)

Our enemy is trying to get back at God by attacking us!

"If we are faithless, He (God) will remain faithful." 2 tim 2:13

Isn't one of Satan's primary agendas to not let us enjoy the rest Christ has given us?..When Jesus say the crowds he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

He can deliver you from distraction, from inconsistency.

Remember what God has done for you! Rehearse the stroy again!


Ok, any of those thoughts could be an entire blog. But God used them wrapped all up together to remind me who I am, what I am doing, what my enemy is doing and God's hand it all of it.

So I am bucking up, digging in and being aware. And praying.

Right now I am...

... sitting on the bed, wasting time

... hearing scoobey doo in the background downstairs

....in a partially cleaned room

...full

...on the edge of irritated

...wearing a red Victory sweatshirt

...ignoring my sore toe

...edgy

...restless

...wanting to put the Gilmore Girls dvd in, but know I should (need, my soul is in thirst of) do my Esther homeowork.

...glad no child is fighting, yelling, jumping on the coach or throwing something

...a little chilly

...glad Kristy came by today and suggested a walk with both our gangs to the park, Bella too.

...smiling over Bella (6 lbs) being so bossy to the really large playful, BIG, brown dog.

...watching the clock, knowing the kid's bedtime is 5 minutes away.

...listening to laughing and sound effects from the downstairs scooby, doo replay, hmmm, is yelling and coach jumping next?

...keeping my mind from going to all the things I should put on a to do list.

...missing mom..and dad.

...wondering how Rebecca is.

...longing to knit something

...in limbo, or feel I am, but really I am not.

...so disconnected lately. Like a worn out pop-bead that can no longer stay connected to the other beads from the repeated connect, disconnect, connect, disconnect, connect, disconnet, let's pretend I am a rock rather than a bead, connect, diconnect.

...confusing

...confused

...in need of the bathroom, but too lazy to move.

...almost done.

...glad I have God, His word, and Bible teachers like Beth.

...in need of a drink from the spigot.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --- --- --- - - - - --- --- - - - - - - --

I keep hearing... pray. Pray about everything. Cast your cares on Him. Pray. and I see so much I do not pray about. This morning in church, I just said the names of all the people and things, not the actually request, although God knew, just the names. You have not because you ask not. (Have for them, in this case.)

hmmmmm. and for me.

I want some peace, some joy and some consistency.

You have not because you ask not.

Break out of the mold and pray, girl!

Don't sweat the small stuff...

I was thinking about the comment/advice: "Don't sweat the small stuff. " I read it in a post about advice to families adopting older children.

(Here: http://thenewwolfepack.blogspot.com/) I know we hear that phrase all the time, and I really do not think it means to not be detail-oriented, or even plan out all that needs to be done.

It just hit me now, as more of a piece of advice about our emotional investment, or better yet our emotional turmoil. We do want to be emotionally invested in our families and relationships, but the sweating (ie stressing) over the day to day stuff.... is more emotional turmoil.

I can get so into the drama of a quarrel between my kids, or with me, or that issue in our home or this "backtalk".. I will get so emotionally into it and even very dissappointed.

As if I expected that this is not suppose to happen. But of course it is going to happen! We are humans with weaknesses, personalities, differences. God even directs us to not let the sun go down on our anger, he does not say never feel angry. So, being emotionally upset and dissappointed when this stuff happens....is dumb. It's life. It's day to day small stuff.

In not sweating it, I don't ignore it. I need to work through it, address it, navigate lovingly and handle it, but I don't need to get so emotionally hijacked by it.

Thinking of it that way, made "Don't sweat the small stuff", more than an overused phrase...and opened my eyes to my emotional exhaustion in navigating the relationship waters of a lot of little (and big) personalities under one roof.

Thank you, Lord, it all helps.

What's "on the needles"?

I just love that phrase, "on the needles". Heard it on one of the "knitting princesses" blogs I follow, as in I have a scarf "on the needles" or a new hat "on the needles". So on my needles is a flame colored scarf (Just call me princess scarf, seems to be my knitting mainstay right now) and a blue silky scarf. Waiting to get on the needles are three matching ponchos for my girls in turquoise and brown.

But I was thinking, what is really on the needles, is me! :) God says he is crafting me into a masterpiece, a poem, his workmanship.... (Eph 2:10) And this morning I caught a glimpse of that.

I woke up just feeling like I needed Jesus. Nothing specific, and everything specific. :) I just needed some. Rather than doing my Bible Study Homework, or one of my devotion books, I felt like I needed to just get my mouth under the spigot. So I turned to where I had been reading in Philippians...to the verse where I had left off, and as I read, it jumped out at me. That's what I need! That's what my kids need!

Phil 1: 9-11 9: And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more (keep growing) in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

I realized, in my preparation for Mame, and my decision to adopt Hanna as well, and even in my thoughts around New Year goals...I had been working and reading, and planning and stressing and worrying....about this big plan and organization and all that needs to be, as well as my concerns with my kids and working on their relationships with each other..... And I was looking at the big picture, planning, thinking ahead (like Noah, before the flood of kids are here :)) but I was not doing it with prayer, much, asking for wisdom and guidance and I was not connecting to God daily - day by day focus - of even moment by moment, THIS moment.

I was too focused on the out there...almost in a panic, and started worrying about this and that, trying to figure it all out and fix it myself, rather than trusting God. Rather than asking for His wisdom and leaning on him. Like I said the other day, in a cold climate, rather than somewhere warmer.

I saw I was not relying on my shepherd to lead me and guide me, that He would not let me lack in knowing what to do and how to do it, if I would let Him lead me.

All of these thoughts are things I have known and experienced in the past, but the little lamb had wandered off trying to do it on her own.

So I am, still, on His needles, being knitted into his masterpiece, along with all my little ones....knitted together into something of His making. As I prayed that in me, and in them, He would make our love grow and abound, love for Him and love for each other, and that we would get smarter and deeper in understanding Him and his ways and in how to live as a loving family, as a loving person... so then I could discern what is best, and my children can discern what is best, rather than what is gut reaction, so we can become pure and without blame.

I Thess 3:12: May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else. May He Strengthen our hearts so that we will be blameless and holy....

Yes, Lord, increase our love and strengthen our hearts.

Col 1:9-14 We have not stopped praying for you....asking God to fill you with knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.

I realized I had stopped praying. I mean I prayed some, but really praying, about all of it and believing. Either I believe God or I don't. And God says, The passionate prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective. (James 5:16) And he tells me not to be anxious about anything, but pray about everything. (Phil 4:6,7)

And I had not been doing this. If I believe it, then I need to do it. No wonder I have been feeling far off, confused and cold. I need to skinny on up to the fire of God's word, His presence, in faith believing and prayer!

So, see, I am on the needles. God is working on me, hallelujah. I am not hopeless. Snarled and broken in parts, but he is kitting that in too.

His word is alive and active and true. He answers our prayer, and is working all out to His purpose.

Living somewhere warmer...

There are several folks, whose blogs I follow, that live in the north, New York, Minnesota, Canada.... and always post such lovely snow pictures. I find myself envious. In theory. One posted it was 14 below yesterday. It was 63 above yesterday here.

I read a phrase from one that if it weren't for her husbands job, she would "live somewhere warmer."

That phrase stuck with me. I am so tenderhearted today. I feel like I need a good cry. In fact, I may just go have one with my bible study homework. I am so aware of my shortcomings and so aware of all that depend on me. and how short the time is.

Just today, I remarked a couple times, 5 years from now, my kids will be 10, 11, 12, 13 and 15! Can you imagine?

So my heart longs so to "live somewhere warmer". Some where closer to God, more consistently aware of his presence, more continually interacting and communicating with Him, far less blowing it and looping around the same ol' issues. I long for somewhere warmer.

Does He see that? Does He know the longing of my heart and how I wish I was better than I am? Can I just fall back on Him and let go of me, let go of my failings and rest in His arms? I know I can, so why don't I? I feel like I am in a straight-jacket fastened shut by my own doings and my own efforts of trying not to do....

Set me free in the warmth of your love Abba. I WANT to live somewhere warmer. Help me find my way. For the sake of my little ones, Help me. Help us.

The Lost Sunday...

I lost Sunday.

I had a sinus headache starting Saturday night, that lasted until 7 pm Sunday night. 12 to 15 advil later....I was still zombie, cranky momma.

When momma has a headache, momma gets cranky, ineffectual, useless and little minions get naughty.

We did not go to church....and pizza delivery for dinner.

Nothing got done, barely, folded laundry while crying and holding my head (pathetic, huh?) Did three days of Esther homework, (can't remember a bit of it) and tried to keep kiddos from wrecking the house and clobbering each other.

When I am ill, I think my kids are scared, and act that out by acting up. :(

So not a good Sunday in the annuals of our family history book. Then, whoop! At 7 pm, it dissappeared. Nothing different, no medical break-throughs, it just ceased.

So I got up from my lounging position, ate my two pieces of pizza, watched Princess Diaries with the kids and played Chinese Checkers with Nick and Taddy. Momma was back!

So, the ONLY good thing about headaches, is when they are gone, Life seems SOOOO good and SOOOOO easy!

Maybe that is my little "thorn in the flesh" that God allows to keep me remembering that.

A different kind of Saturday...

So, in growing into a larger family, I have been doing so many organization things...(posted about it on my adoption blog ).

One is I moved grocery shopping from Saturdays (with kids) to Friday lunch time (no kids) So yesterday was my first time. Went well, fast, seamless. and today...NO GROCERY SHOPPING on our list of to dos.

Whatever will we do?

Grin. The second set of bunkbeds for the girls room was delivered today, so we reorganized the girls room. And we are going out to find two more sets of Tinkerbell sheets....I think I have enough pillows...and a two more twin quilts. I am going to look at Ross and places like that first. That is where I found the first set of butterfly quilts for Mary.

Then I do have some Esther homework to catch up on, and general house stuff. Pork Chops are in the crockpot. Angela comes back from LA today, so we do have to do an airport run around dinner time....

We had so much fun this week, helping Taddy with his memory verse, that I am thinking of buying a big flipchart for the hall, and writing each of the kids memory verses on it each week, so we can all help each other.

The word of God is alive and active....! It is funny, Taddy's verse starts with "And David said to his son Solomon: Be strong....

So we had been practicing it on Thursday, and Friday morning, when I went into Taddy's room to wake him for school in the morning, I said,...And David said to his son Solomon? ___________...prompting for him to finish the verse.

He pulled his quilt up over his head and says " One more hour sleep".

He laughed, maybe David was old and did say that to Solomon once upon a time. :)

It feels good to have a different kind of Saturday!

loss

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ"

Philippians 3:8 (NIV)

So, I was thinking about.... and overhearing....

All the economic concerns swirling around like snowflurries in the air. You find it at church in the sermon, on blogs in whats new, or what to pray for, on the corner with the store closing, in the email alerts with the California Tax Return IOU's, in the whispered cubicle conversations at work.

It is there. Gaining momentum, gaining fear.

Taddy's verse this morning, that he is memorizing, the first part of it reads:

"And David said to his son Solomon: Be strong and of good courage and do it. Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God, my God, will be with you.".... we have more to go in memorizing it, but that is the first part.

We have been doing some mental and financial resets at home. Good things, aware things. We are by no means hurting, compared to many many many many others who have a harder situation than us. Changes, loss, or percieved loss, has still been part of our family.

Yet...

Any tightening of the belt, opening of the eyes of awareness and adjusting, spending less, ... is turning out to be good for us.

We are focused more on God and more on each other. Things, stuff, and distractions give way to relationships and time spent with each other.

So, loss is gain.

And I will not fear, God is with us. Not because I have done right, not because I am perfect, not because of anything I do.

Because He is God, and He is loving, and He is relentless...working, preparing, planning....good thoughts toward us. Stripping away with loving hands that which would distract us from him.

So be strong and be of good courage. God has given you something to do! Do it. Do it well. Do it in love and peace. Do it in joy.

For we have lost it all, if we miss Jesus.

Just take a nap.....

Mary just said:

Mom, I know what you should do.

On the days you work from home, after you do your work, you should just take a nap, like me!

:) if only! :)

This is Tadpole...about 7 years ago!

Bread, Basketball and Knitting....

I want to make this bread recipe! But first I want the cool cast iron pot to cook it in. (From Mother Earth, here: http://www.motherearthnews.com/Real-Food/2007-12-01/Easy-No-Knead-Dutch-Oven-Crusty-Bread.aspx
and Leslie at a friend to knit with told me about it here: http://a-friend-to-knit-with.blogspot.com/2009/01/time-well-spent.html

Of course my cast iron pot would have to be red, not blue...since red is my kitchen thing.

No Knead, Dutch Oven Bread

1/4 tsp active dry yeast
1 1/2 cups warm water
3 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting. You may use white, whole wheat or a combination of the two.
1 1/2 tsp salt
Cornmeal or wheat bran for dusting

In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in water.
Add the flour and salt, stirring until blended. The dough will be shaggy and sticky.
Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let the dough rest at least 8 hours, preferably 12 to 18, at warm room temperature, about 70 degrees.

The dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles. Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it. Sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice.
Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let it rest for about 15 minutes.

Using just enough flour to keep the dough from sticking to the work surface or to your fingers, gently shape it into a ball. Generously coat a clean dish towel with flour, wheat bran or cornmeal. Put the seam side of the dough down on the towel and dust with more flour, bran or cornmeal. Cover with another towel and let rise for about 1 to 2 hours.

When it’s ready, the dough will have doubled in size and will not readily spring back when poked with a finger.

At least 20 minutes before the dough is ready, heat oven to 475 degrees.
Put a 6- to 8-quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex or ceramic) in the oven as it heats.
When the dough is ready, carefully remove the pot from the oven and lift off the lid.
Slide your hand under the towel and turn the dough over into the pot, seam side up.
The dough will lose its shape a bit in the process, but that’s OK. Give the pan a firm shake or two to help distribute the dough evenly, but don’t worry if it’s not perfect; it will straighten out as it bakes.
Cover and bake for 30 minutes.

Remove the lid and bake another 15 to 20 minutes, until the loaf is beautifully browned. Remove the bread from the Dutch oven and let it cool on a rack for at least 1 hour before slicing.

Now doesn't that sound yummy? I may have to do this Friday or Saturday.

On to basketball, Nick has his first basketball game tonight, well actually this afternoon at 4:30 and it is way across town in rush hour traffic, but we will be there..with our pompoms! I am also taking two other boys...to a full mini-van....and then we have to rush back from Rangers and Bible study...but I am excited about Nick being in a team sport and Mary and Taddy are excited about going to his game. Yea, Nick!

Nick made a statement the other day, when he was telling me about a boy at school that picks on him and his bestfriend, also called Nick. He said the boy did not pick on the "cool" boys in his class. I prickled at the label "cool boys". I remember that whole popularity, cool vs..everything else in the world, school clicks, and I was hoping at a Christian school, 5th grade, that perhaps.... sigh.... I know.... I remember the Christian junior high and highschool I went to, and the many church youth groups, there were clicks! :( so sad.

So I asked him, what made them "cool". And he said, they are REALLY good at sports. Oh the judgement of a man, how sportsy they are. Nick is so brilliant at so many things.... smart, musical, comical, heart for God, creative...and he likes sports...just may not be the tallest or biggest or fastest. Yet, he has mentally classified himself in the uncool catagory based on sporting abilities. I need to foucs on this, and have those "talks" as the opportunities come up. That God does not plan our lives or call us according to our "coolness" as the culture around us judges coolness, but according to what he sees in our heart. Yet, I know, even as a Christian, how hard it is for a "tween" (as he loves to call himself, he says he is truly a tween now that he has a gameboy, that to really be a tween, you are not just 10,11 or 12, but you must have either a gameboy type device or a cell phone. yep. it seeps in, even you when shut the doors to it. lol). ...anyway, it is hard for tweens and beyond to not judge themselves and others by what they see being held as value. And it is probably hard for the "cool" guys to not buy their own press.

So it was a peek to me, on what is to come. Moving from the strollers, and carseats and little people fisher price toys, to the basketballs and hoodies, and "coolometers".

Lord, help my children see in me...and in them, that it is YOU that is the coolest!

Knitting..... yes, although Christmas is past, I have continued on with the knitting buy. Made three scarves...all for me, I might add. :) the last one was a red to pink to maroon varigated yarn, that made a skinny long scarf, hat and toasties... I also have made a poncho, and play to make matching ones for the three girls. So my knitting-therapy is alive and well, going whereever I go. I know love long stoplights, as I get in a few loops and stitches.

....we are doing the second week in the Esther study, by Beth Moore, as church tonight and I am looking forward to it. IT is a great study and the newsest by Beth. And I know God's timing is always full of his providence as we go through this study.

Dear Nancy, I am praying for you and cannot wait until you are back with us...)

Have a blessed Tuesday or whatever day....you happen to read this.

Sandee

A nice connecton....and good weekend

Every Christmas, we receive a small gift from the orphanage where Mary Beth was from in Qing Dao China. I am saving them all in a trunk of keepsakes, to give her when she is older. (Each of my kids have a trunk, I am filling with childhood treasures). This year we have moved, so I noticed it was forwarded.

I asked around and got the email of the orphanage director and send her a thank you note, along with our new address and pictures of Mary over the past two years. I also asked, if I sent a photo album of Mary, would they give it to her foster family, who had cared for her for two years. I imagine it is very hard to care for a little one from age 1 to almost 3, and then never know how she is doing.

I am so excited that she said yes, she will give them the photo album, if I mail it. and we can keep in touch! That is so wonderful. I need to find someone to translate a letter for me to them, so they can read it. A little connection with Mary's past.

We had a good weekend....the joy of getting to share with folks that I will be a mother of 5! How exciting. I spent time doing some research and planning. Ordered a couple books (One about the Duggens from Arkansas and how they manage their large family) and I ordered a peg board system for chores and character traits for the kids. A good season of prep-time. Another on time management and de-cluttering. All used, from Amazon.

Angela is on vacation this week, so I am doing the whole shabang!...in am, pm, , driving. IT is not bad though. Feels like I have a little extra connection time with my kiddos.

Life is good and God is awesome. Taddy's memory verse is 1 Sam12:24. But be sure to fear the Lord, and faithfully serve Him with your whole heart, considering all the great things He has done for you. Amen... and so true!

The foster family, with Mary, June 2006. That is the outfit she had on, when we first met her, so this must have been the day she was leaving them. I had sent a disposable camera with a gift box for them.

Qing Dao SWI - (Orphanage)

Growing a Family Heart.

There is the verse, I think in Psalms, or Isaiah, I should be a good blogger and go look it up, but the grocerly list is waiting, ...about our hearts swelling within us. My heart is swelling with love for my family and hope, and faith in what God has planned for us...where He is taking us. And loving Him as best I can, as I love them...my little ones.

I read a post today, from another family, about her older son being moody, then showing his concern and love for his momma. It touched deep that place in my heart that my kids touch....when I see that love from them. Nick can be upset, or enthralled with basketball one minute, then see me the least bit sad, or weighed down if I have a headache, and he is right there, hugging, encouraging, bringing a glass of water or a blanket. So sweet.

I have been thinking a lot, reflecting...as we moved through the Christmas season, into New Years and those goals. A new year always feels fresh, with hope and expectation of the future and a time to relook at some things and move toward some positive changes.

I am doing that, have that goal list. I was writing last night in my journal, I want to change our lifestyle. Not that we have that wild of a lifestyle now, but still there is some fine tuning needed.

To pull out of some of the expectations of our current culture for myself and my kids...less stuff, less "entertain me" material things, like big birthday parties, and the newest gadget, or movies or malls or running to this thing or that thing.... And more just being with each other, interacting, playing together, talking it out, doing simple life tasks together and making it fun. Have a chore list where we all pitch in to make the family work, and it be a fun, joyful, do it together opportunity vs a drudgery hanging over someones head.

I read about a family that is starting family night, and rotating different catagories, a cooking night, a project night, etc. I think my kids (and their momma) would flat out LOVE that. So I want to do that.

I know with somethings at first, I may get a little protest here or there (no $300 birthday party at La-La Land with 15 kids and hauling home enough gifts to last 10 years??!!) But as we adjust, and momma stands firm and they see the giving and fun in scaling back and investing in our relationships...I am praying they will come to love the changes in our family.

And as with any change, it has to start in me first...In my heart, in my relationship with God and my choices and my willing to sacrifice the "feed me" monster inside of myself.

Yes, Lord, I want to be different for you, for them, for myself. I want to be real and authentic and spend my time, energy, money and soul on what matters and what will last...not on "entertain me". Thank you for a fresh start each year.

So as my family grows this year.....I want it to not just grow in numbers, but grow in depth, and caring and wisdom and love....most of all, to grow in God.

We have some exciting news in the adoption front...as we had a cloud with not passing court yesterday, we also have a silver lining..... another precious soul to join our family. See my adoption blog.

Scarpbook night!

!

It is scrapbook night...and I am taking......my laptop! heee....a lot lighter load....going digital is fun!

And my heart is happy. God loves us. Had this wonderful plan for us.

And I can wait on God.

There is hope for me yet.

Achey Breaky Heart

Wow....your heart CAN ache for a daughter you have never touched, never hugged, never talked to.

We did not pass court, and my heart aches...yet I know God is sovereign and full of power, grace and wisdom. So I bow to Him. He knows what He is doing and when and why.

I miss her and I have never met her. We love you Mame...someday soon we will get to see you and change all our worlds.

6 am in Ethiopia...

I wonder what time they will be talking about her....

How long will the judge take.....

When will we know?

.....

It is the day of my court hearing in Ethiopia for Mame...already Friday...at least in Addis Ababa...

New Years Goal number 1

I have a list, farely long, of goals or areas I want to grow in, in 2009. So I thought a little at a time...I would share them.

The first one to share, that is on my mind today.... is to spend less money....especially on things I don't NEED to spend money on, and to spend wisely.

A lot falls under this bucket, including paying off any debt....

But today I am just focused on simple choices.

Example. I brought 'coffee' from home today (I use the quotes, because the instant, powdery, sweet, foo-foo stuff I drink may not be considered coffee by some folks...).

It costs around $4 a can and lasts about a month. So my normal latte $3.80 a day. SO that is $114 to $118 a month. And I do purchase it about everyday...but lets pretend, I only did it 80%, that is still $95 a month, vs $4.......saving $91 a month, $1092 in a year!.... (now that is still leaving 20% of my time I can get a latte! 73 days out of the year! So EVERY Saturday and Sunday...plus 21 other days....maybe vacations! How cool is that!!

I brought my lunch to work today.... free, left overs. vs $5 to 10 dollars eating out! That is $37 a week, or $1950 a year. .....

You get the picture. Sometimes it is not the really BIG things, but the smaller things...

My big challenge will be shopping. Both the "overshopping" when I am going to get the needed thing(s) and throw in all the impulse things too, and the I am bored and trying to feed my soul with stuff, type shopping. ugh.....

That will be harder. So I am carrying knitting with me...silly, but it is a soul-soother...and plan to just start clicking those needles, when I feel the shop craving... (means I need to have projects on hand for all that yarn in my basket, so I don't think I need to go buy MORE yarn.....)

But bigger than that, focus on God and His companionship and talk to him about my hole-in-the-heart, rather than stuffing it.

Budgets, impulse buying, saving, spending wisely....need vs want.. Play with my kids more, entertain me less.

So that is goal number one. I will let you know how it goes...as well as what some of my other goals are, from time to time.

Wish me luck, or better yet, pray for success.

4 days until court...............

...3 if you don't count today...or if you count today, but not Friday, since they are 9 hours ahead and I might hear at the beginning of the day....

yea

Yarning"....

"Mommy are you 'yarning" again?"

" Did you 'yarn" that?"...

Mary Beth calls knitting or crocheting, "yarning." And I did quite a bit of yarning over the holiday vacation. I still need to take some pictures.... though much of it is gone in gifts.

I made 10 hats...three of them cute baby hats with ears... at least 5 scarves, one poncho type thing, lots of coffee cozies....

Fun fun. I found a new yarn store in Rocklin, compliments of dear Rebecca...and bought some lovelies there!

And I found a new website I love, blog actually, from a fellow "yarner": http://a-friend-to-knit-with.blogspot.com/

I love both knitting and crocheting, and on my poncho, used both in the same item. Crocheting is quicker, but to me knitting is more soothing...and well, yummy. I was thinking how funny that I am moving to technology on my scrapbooking, going digital, and then loving knitting, which is quite the opposite. Both creative though, just different.

On Leslie's blog (A friend to knit with)..she had this questionaire about knitting..and I just wanted to answer it.

::how does knitting make you feel?

Relaxed. Connected, somehow, soothing, most of the time, and focused. I start knitting and don't want to stop. (Many 1 am and 2 am nights during the holiday break.) I feel connected to generations past and women around the world who choose to knit. Creative, too. It is soul food.

::is it the start of a project - the execution- or the completed item?

All three are appealing, although I think the execution and progress is the most soul-satisfying. The start is excitement, how will it be, can I do it, will it turn out... the end is either joy, I did it, or ah oh, oh well, that did not turn out as I thought! :)

::do most women/men like to knit in groups? or alone?

I knit alone, because most folks I know, do not knit. But I love to knit together, if someone else wants to..and just chat. I feel unconfident of my skills, and slightly embarassed, so I don't think of knitting with the groups I see at the yarn store, or a knitting guild...I am too intimidated. My friend Rebecca is fun to knit with, because she is a beginner like me and thinks I am good! lol.

::do most women/men learn from a mother/grandmother, or learn on their own?

I learned on my own. From a book. I remember, though, learning some knitting as a child in girl scouts, but I had to re-learn, when I picked it up again recently.

::what are the easiest items to begin with?

A scarf.....although, when I picked up crocheting again, I started with four funky hats. My kids loved them. But knitting, I started with a scarf.

::do you knit all year round, or just when it is cold out?

Well, I just started a couple months ago, a fall thing. But I am hoping to knit during the summer too, it will be odd to see if I do...Maybe start early on the Christmas present thing.

::do you always knit from a pattern or do you tend to make your own up?

Both... Scarves, I do on my own, hats, both, I start with a pattern and modify it. I have yet to do my first sweater, and I have a pattern, so we will see how that goes.

::how long does it take you to knit a pair of socks? a sweater? a scarf?

I have yet to do a sweater or socks...haven't figured out the circular needle yet, or multiple needles....but a scarf to knit, in about two days....

::do you think it is expensive?

I am not sure. Since the yummy yarn I like, seems to be the pricier stuff, it probably is....but I do it anyway. Hey, if I can spend 3.80 a day on a latte, and I buy some yarn!

::what has to do with the resurgence?

I am always the last to know about things...is there a resurgence??!! Just like the cupcakes. I have been getting so into cupcakes lately, and then someone told me it is the new "in" thing, cupcakes. So, maybe my draw to "yarning" is some collective push toward...something not fast, non-tech, handmade....

::who is the coolest knitter you know? Well, here is a picture of Ingrid Bergman knitting. That is pretty cool, huh?

I like you, I like you, I love you...

Well, it is Monday. and boy am I tired. I tried to go to sleep earlier, but then..sigh...just could not.

First I had lost my wallet, I knew it was either in the house, garage or car, or one of my little minions had thought it was funny to play with it, and it was hidden. I kept trying to let it go and rest, and kept getting up and re-looking, or looking in one more place.

Finally, I got up one more time, and found it...in the car...sigh. I just try to let things go, and get so obsessed until I "fix it"...an aggrevating trait, as some things are unfixable, or at least not a quick fix!

So all day Saturday and part of Sunday, Mary and I hung out to gether, (Saturday the boys were with their dad, and Sunday had two other boys over to play, so Mary was a bit left out.) We just did errands and stuff together and she kept saying, " I like you Mommy. I like you MOmmy. I love you Mommy." and she would say, I say that a lot sorry. :) It was cute. Just a good connecting day.

One of my goals for the new year, to connect more one on one with EACH of my children. We each did a mommy and me day during Christmas break. IT was fun with each of them. So I want to try to continue that....at least one day a month where I spend a couple hours with just one of them. It will take some scheduling, but it is SOOOO worth it. I see each of them just blossom and glow under that one on one loving attention.

So here I am, back at work, taking a break...:)....and trying to figure out what to do next.

Happy New Years everyone.... what a year it will be!

My first digital page...

Just playing around with a pciture I had already published, I did my first digital scrapbook page. I am trying to find printers that do 12 by 12 printing, without having to put them in a book. Looks like shutterfly, snapfish, and kinkos/fedex only do it in a book.... But I am still investigating...

Going Digital....

Guilt and Inspiration....

So, I am a guilty scrapbooker! Guilty because I love to scrapbook, have 100's, no 1000's of pictures, too fat books that are falling apart, a room overflowing with supplies, that get outdated, no way to even guess the amount of money spent, and I am SOOOOOOOO far behind, with more children on the way.

Guilty! As charged. I have not scrapped since last July when I took the kids on vacation to Dillions beach and I am STRESSING OVER IT!

As I start to set out my goals for 2009, and I think of the crash landing site, which is my office/scrapbook room, I can feel my adomenal fat increasing by the nano-seconds.....

Then...light of inspiration and practicality, I read a posting of one of the blogs I follow : http://roomforatleastonemore.blogspot.com/2009/01/how-i-scrapbook-digitally-since-d-and-s.html about how she does digital scrapbooking. Something I have mentally avoided, although it has been mentioned to me...kind of like reading War and Peace on the internet...

But, practically, financially, stressfully.....maybe I should consider it. I have found myself avoiding taking pictures with the kids sometimes, because it would just go into my scrapbooking backlog..I have so many books that have one or two months scrapped in them, and then blanks..and my kids school books are still a year or more behind....

ok

so you get the delimna.

Then I start looking at cool layouts in places like this, http://www.theshabbyshoppe.com/homepage.asp and this http://www.peppermintcreative.com/index.php?main_page=home and this one http://www.jessicasprague.com/ and this http://www.designerdigitals.com/

And I think...hmmmmmm......

Plus, if you look at the cost of a page I do, paper embelishments, photos. etc etc...well. I think it will end up cheaper. PLUS it will get done.

Now I guilted over scrapbook night with my friends, and scrapbook club...but I thought,. well I can bring my lap top and work on my layouts with it, while they are cutting and pasting and gluing, and if I get all caught up, I will bring my knitting with me and just chat!

Then I thought about my partially done books... Well I will just pick up where ever I am and start ditigal on the next page. and here is what is even cooler, if you want multiple pages of the same thing (for multiple kids books)...you can just print another one! LOL!

Then there is club..well, I thought of that too...I can go and make a fun page here and there...and then decide..I had been thinking of moving back out of it anyway.

And think of all my fun scrapbook supplies I can give away as gifts!

So I won't be able to touch and feel and see the 3-d look of my pages...so what....

Worth the sacrifice, I think. I will let you know how this goes, as I start exploring the idea more...but I think I may be on to something....

Marley and me...

Mary and I went to the movies this afternoon and saw Marley and Me. and Yes, I laughed and cried, it moved me. Moved my heart in the love I have for my family, for the passing of time and seasons of change and our plans versus what happens in life...and for our little hairy Bella-Marley at home. :) I loved the movie.

I am so hopeful, for 2009 and all it holds. For God and his further plans for us, love for us, leading of us. It is good to see, although I beat myself up all the time over what I lack and where I fail, that God has made some advances in me this past year..... He is gracious, and so loving.....

2009, with God, we are ready....