Time to Settle....

I was thinking about how on one end of the spectrum is being too spontaneous and being tossed by every wind and wave, and not thinking things through. Or just being impatient and running with something.

On the other end is being immovable, stubborn or disobedient.

I am finding, what works best, is to give things time to settle. Every inspiration or epiphany is not an immediate call to action. Especially those late night enlightenments. (Home Shopping Channel for example. :))

Seriously, I can often think an idea, or inspiration or word means I should immediately go out and do such and such, to find out, after a little time goes by, maybe even just a few hours, or maybe a day or week, that the enlightenment was good, maybe even right, but the interpretation of what I think I MUST immediately go do, is off. I need to give it time to seep into my soul and spirit. To slow down and let God work the word and thought into me.

Sometimes, maybe, I do not have an action to go "do" until further down the line. Too often I am either having to go back and undo something I jumped into, or worse yet, live through the stress I have caused for myself by over-committing.

There is just so much I end up thinking I "SHOULD" do. Good things. Needful things. But, when the tea settles at the bottom of the cup, I find, not the BEST thing.

I have a core purpose in my life and I need to measure all this against that core purpose. It is so hard, when the items are good, biblical, needed. But there is only so much one woman can do and I would rather do my core purpose well, then to let it just get by, as I cover so many other bases as well.

And I have to stop the comparison game. Whether it is comparing against some actual person I see from the outside, but really do not know what is behind the scenes, or this imaginary standard of what could (should) be done.

My purpose is to love and serve God with the "ministry" He has given me, which is my family. That means working to provide for them, running a home that is a safe and happy haven, and nurturing my children's body, soul and spirit and being a loving daughter to my parents. That is the core. All else is extra-curricular activities.

An example: I really felt, after four years of leading a women's Bible Study at church, I needed to take a break to focus on my kids, Mary, with some challenges she is having, and Olivia Mame, soon to join our family from Ethiopia. I just needed to pull back from focusing on leading and let someone else step into that role. I would never stop Bible Study, I live on it. But to stop leading it. So I contacted the leader of our Women's Ministry and she graciously understood and is in the process of looking at who will lead it and what study. I felt relieved.

Then...

Two things happened. First, I was looking at our church website for some information and noticed that on the Women's Tuesday night Bible Study I was listed at the leader. I know this sounds dumb, but I never considered myself as the leader. I mean, I led, this one study, and then that one study, and then, this other one, until it turned into four years, with a little break once or twice, but never did I consider myself THE leader. So I thought, wow! If I had known I was the leader, it would have been more of a big deal to step down. And I wondered was I letting them down?

Then, this morning in my devotions, was the verse in Phil 2:4 about "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others". And it started me thinking about community and how we all are looking and longing for community. Whether it is a hobby group, family, work teams, Internet groups, neighborhoods, causes or church. That our world has gotten so big, so impersonal...and everyone can be so isolated...that we are all looking to our own interests. If we do connect, it is based on those "own interests" and never very permanent.

Then I thought about church and connections and various times in my life when I felt I really belonged. A youth group in high school, a bunch of friends in my 20's, a small group at a large church I use to attend. Then I thought: Is this women's bible study my connection point? Is it my small group. and am I walking away from it? Letting myself detach. By then end of all my journaling, I had convinced myself that I was wrong in stepping down and I needed to go fix it QUICK. Even if it was going to be hard on my family...

Fastfoward a few hours, letting it all settle. And I see my panic, to go reverse my decision, was one of those reactions to immediately DO SOMETHING, without thinking it through. My core purpose, God and my family, is currently in need of more momma time. So, my looking after the interests of others, for this season, needs to be the others in my family.

I am so glad I let it settle a bit, before I typed that email..... Sometimes the quickness of technology is not necessarily a blessing, but more of a temptation to mess.

Let it settle a bit.