Thursday, November 13, 2008

A new day has dawned...

Finally.... at last....I can say, my headache is gone!

A couple "good" things about my headaches:

They make me draw closer to God. When they hit me hard, I need a moment by moment conversation with Him just to make it through the day.

The second, is when I wake up, after a few days with a headache, to a day without one, I am almost giddy with joy!

Such a day is today!

...but let's talk about last night for a minute. Not to be a downer, but to share the wonderful aliveness and specific appropriateness of God's word.

Yesterday in the afternoon I had a meeting with the therapist we have been seeing regarding Mary...but this time it was with me and my two talk to them, get their thoughts ..etc.

Well, I did have my headache, so it was hard to be really there in the meeting, but even with that....I walked out of that meeting so utterly discouraged, overwhelmed, clueness and just dismal. Feeling like a failure as a mother. As if all I have done the past 10 years was nothing, powdered sugar melted in water and poured down the drain. (Yea, I was that down.)

And, understanding there was a problem, being warned how much worse it could get, through my headache fog, I could not quite grasp what was the issue and, more than that, what in the world I was suppose to do about it. I remember somewhere in the conversation hearing, "in six months you will be amazed how you can turn this around."

Ok, some hope there, but I still could not grasp what the full issue was and what to change, what to do...and gosh, my hands are full. Can't quit my job, be a full-time stay at home mom to handle this... is it hopeless. Should I have never embarked on this journey....

We made it through dinner...actually that was a highlight, no fussing and EVERYONE loved what I cooked for a change. Woooo-hoooo!

We read books, cuddled, and went to bed without issues...but my failure gnawing all the time on my heart and mind, along with my headache.

Finally, after trying to sleep and unable. I got back up, poured out my feelings of failure and hopelessness on God. Then I picked up my Bible Study homework book and decided to do one days homework. I am finishing up a study with ladies at my church, by Beth Moore, A Woman's Heart God's Dwelling place..week 10 day 1.

As I got ready to study, it is a study of the Old Testiment Tabernacle and how it applies to us today...I really did not think this days study could speak into what I was currently feeling, struggling with. But I prayed, anyway, God, somehow, miraculously, you see where I sit, so discouraged and so overwhelmed...please speak to me in what I am struggling with right now. I need some hope.

So with a hurt head, I proceeded. The study was good and I got to the last was a good study, but not a super big aha...until the last line....there was a reference of Joshua 1:1-9.

And it really spoke to me..although it was God speaking to Joshua, as he took over the reigns of leadership from Moses, to lead God's people into the promise is God speaking to me, to not be discouraged, as I take on leadership of my little family and lead us on our journey to God's promise land for us..both here and in eternity. And like God with Joshua, God will pour into me the wisdom I need to lead, so do not be discouraged. Take it a day at a time, and He will lead me. I finished the night, my head still hurting, but encouraged and trusting in God's leading.

I am God's Joshua for my family...

Joshua 1:1-9

After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide: 2 "Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites.

3 I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. 4 Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea [a] on the west.

5 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them.

7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.

8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Amen! So be it, Abba.

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