Sunday, August 08, 2010

wandering thoughts...

We could live in one room. Really ...all together coziness, climbing on top of each other. We really could. when many live in none.

We could live with one pair of shoes, comfy, well-worn with running and playing. One pair would do, when many have none.

We could live without toys. Bits of plastic lost, discarded, broken, trashed. Play with hands and sticks and rocks and each other. We could live without toys, when many have none.

I think so much about how big is my footprint....and how am I feeding the disease of American Affluenza to my children and just when and how to break the cycle.

It might mean never stepping into a least with them, besides a grocery store. It would mean changing how we celebrate their births, and His birth. And I think, truly, deeply, that would not be a bad thing!

It might mean changing our expectations of entertainment and "amusement" (what an odd word), and relearning how to play and love and live and be. And I think, that too, would not be a bad thing.

It might mean being the odd one, the strange family "who does not __________" (fill in the blank), and being perhaps alone-ish, different-ish. But I feel like we are that already, so what would be different?

Sometimes I feel lost in this world. Like I don't belong here. That I really belong somewhere else, a different state, or county, or country or time... that somewhere I took a trip and forgot to return, and now just am disconnected and slightly uncomfortable, unattracted to the culture and customs, longing for a different way or place. But then, it seems like I am alone in this.

And I am the mom. The leader of this little clan. Trasping around in this forest, with God as my only direction, destination and compass. Not clear on how to get there. Not clear on where there is..on this side of heaven, and yet, called to lead.

So although I am not super clear on what I want us to be, or how to be it. I am feeling more and more clear on what I don't want us to have, or do or be. I am praying, as I give the junk up to him, reduce our consumption and lazy (boredom-driven) amusement, He will replace it with value, Himself, and that in his creation that is truly good, noble, worthy, beautiful.

All I know is, I long for it to be different and to be less, so it can be deeper, and richer. Less stuff and more us.

4 Things Others Said:

Renee said...

Amen. Less stuff and more us is a perfect way to put it.

Julia said...

lovely thoughts and you are right to voice them. you feel like a stranger perhaps because in loving Him, you recognize that you are here but a short time on this earth, that there is more and you are a part of the bigger picture.

robynn munnings said...

HI, my friend forwarded me your link and I just read this post and wanted to say, " I couldn't agree more! You said everything so well..exactly how I different from others and yet so satisfied. Thanks you. I look forward to reading more:)

Darlene in CA said...

Hi there,

I followed your blog all the time you were waiting for your girl, and now I see pix of your visit to the MB aquarium, which is literally in my backyard. Where the heck are you from? Have you been nearby all along and I was just clueless. I have a 7.5 year old from China and a 5 year old from Ethiopia, each adopted at around age 3.