Missing the beauty right here....hunting to see God

I love and I thrash...

I love them and I thrash...

I love God and I thrash...

I thrash against the chaffing friction of four children living out lives with broken, sinful souls being slowly molded by redemption - so slowly;

while all the time I realize in fear that

the end will come -

with empty tables

empty rooms

empty hands and empty cars.

All this {as Ann Voskamp says} "All this will all end-"  As Ann questioned, so do I:

 "Which road" will I take "through this brief land?"

Thrashing frustration, anger, raised voices, pounding fists, ungratefulness?

or

         or

                     or

{there is an or?  
            there is}

or

embracing grace given,
favor
gifts
God's kisses wrapped in the silver foil of little growing {struggling} hearts {for this season}?
The beauty and wonder here... thankful joy?  As Ann explains it, "eucharisteo" - thanksgiving.

"How to live the fullest life here that delivers into the fullest live ever after." (p.28)   And delivers them, my four struggling hearts. I like Ann realise my mindset has been disappointment.  Disappointment in misbehavior...of God not giving me to eat of the trees I want to eat of (daughter of Eve, that I am), misbehavior of them (4 hearts) and misbehavior of me - most egregious.  "All my eyes fixate on are the splatters of disappointment across here and me." (p.31)

God is using Ann's sharing of her discovery to lead us {me} on a journey...a journey to see grace and give thanks and grow closer to what we are longing for - "for more holy joy".   for more God. ("In His presence is fullness of joy") "Is the height of my joy dependent on the depth of my thanks?" (p. 33)

Is the way of life to the fullest, full salvation, joy, more in His presence...all of it...wrapped in eucharisteo? Thanksgiving?

"He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God." Ps 50:23

I am making my list. I am on the journey of discovery.


 on my list:
27. a stuffed Teddy bear and puppy from my childhood
28. my momma who saved them
29. my sewing room
30. woofing Bella's paws raised in happy greeting
31. middle of the night cold noses and warm blankets
32. amber light
33. boys who get up and take showers on their own at 6:30 am

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you would like to join in, there is a read along happening of Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts over at {In}Courage.  We just finished chapter 2.