in the space of five minutes:
one thanks you for looking out for him, absorbing advice, making your heart proud with a godly reaction
while another throws your faults in your face without a backward glance or pencil-trace of remorse
does the balm of one cover the sting of the other? or does the sting dry the balm to dust?
a heart is worn thin with such emotional pulling, tattered...
the paradox...they are both right.... the graditude for a word aptly spoken, the verbal slap for a concern catagorized too low on the priority list... both true...
only so much a parent can do.... only so much juggling, so much bifocalled-focus..(quad-focalled?)
it all cannot get done.... some things do slip.... some things feel more urgent, life-altering, needing mommy-NOW attention, while important things get pushed to the bottom of the stack, and moved to the waste can...
both true.... i am a good mommy. and i am a lacking mommy. and i am just me. and i cannot do it all. well.
but....at least, i wore my big girl pants, and with the sting still red on my heart, removed myself to my room...quietly...
abba...i am just me... i am not enough....take all our tattered hearts and bind them up in you.
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