Tuesday, January 03, 2012

tattered hearts in need of binding

the paradox of parenting

in the space of five minutes:

one thanks you for looking out for him, absorbing advice, making your heart proud with a godly reaction

while another throws your faults in your face without a backward glance or pencil-trace of remorse

does the balm of one cover the sting of the other? or does the sting dry the balm to dust?

a heart is worn thin with such emotional pulling, tattered...

the paradox...they are both right....  the graditude for a word aptly spoken, the verbal slap for a concern catagorized too low on the priority list...  both true...

only so much a parent can do.... only so much juggling, so much bifocalled-focus..(quad-focalled?)   

it all cannot get done....   some things do slip.... some things feel more urgent, life-altering, needing mommy-NOW attention, while important things get pushed to the bottom of the stack, and moved to the waste can...

both true....   i am a good mommy.  and i am a lacking mommy.  and i am just me.  and i cannot do it all.  well.

but....at least,  i wore my big girl pants, and with the sting still red on my heart, removed myself to my room...quietly...

abba...i am just me...  i am not enough....take all our tattered hearts and bind them up in you.

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