Written at 4 am:
Not sleeping.
My three little babies sleeping in a tent - in the living room (and the fourth sleeping in an orphanage in Ethiopia).
Abraham slept in a tent most of his life.
Moses and the children of Israel slept in them for 40 years, prior to that 400 years of "borrowed" homes as slaves in Egypt.
Daniel, 70 years of temporary housing in Babylon.
He who dwells in the shelter of the most High will rest in shadow of the Almighty.
Think how easy it would be to sleep if your sleeping bag was nestled close enough to God's sleeping bag that you were in His shadow.
I am thinking of moving. Actually slightly more than thinking, actually taking some steps to get approved for a particular place I've found. There are so many reasons that indicate why this move would be in the best interest of my little family, yet one or two reasons that still have me scared:
Leaving the familiar for the unfamiliar is scary. I can relate to Abraham - or better yet, Sarah. My mom once joked if anything happened to her, Dad would probably be just as happy living in a tent. :) Maybe Abraham felt that way too...but I bet Sarah didn't.
In the middle of the night as the edges of fear crept in around my sleep - without thinking it through - self-reliant, independent, content-to-be-single me spilled out a prayer to my Abba: Father we need a daddy, a husband, to help with this burden of life and my babies. It is scary doing this alone. I can relate to Hagar venturing out with Ishmael alone. God sees me too. Knows the responsibility I carry. Who cares for my sons and daughters like me? (Yes, God does.)
What else scares me is the fact that I am trusting in the honor and goodwill of a person I have never met, the homeowner, as I am moving from BEING a homeowner to being a renter. (As if paying to live in a house without equity, that is truly owned by the bank can be considered owning a home anyway.) And as if a bank is anymore honorable, personal or out for MY good, than a homeowner would be.
So I will be a tenet on land I do not own. Like most of God's people through the ages -with a few exceptions. We are strangers and aliens, This world is not our home. There is a place being prepared for me and my little ones, as I write this.
Yet, here, now, it is scary. As I look at making this move to the unfamiliar, alone, "trusting" in someone I do not know, who does not know me beyond words written on paper-- I know where to curl-up my sleeping bag in this tent which is the rest of my life: In the Tent of the Most High, close enough that my bag and four other little ones fit within His shadow as we rest in His protection.
I will say of you Lord, you are my refuge, and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust. You know me, you see me, you provide for me and most of all you love me and mine.
We love you Lord, you will rescue us, protect us, for we call on you. You will answer us and be with us in trouble. You will deliver us and honor us with long live - you will be my satisfaction and our salvation.
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