Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Stinky Face...

Last night, Nick picked up this little kids board book from my bedroom floor where Mary had left it. I thought then, about the title and think it was God's message to me last night.

I came to Him dog-tail-tucked with full comprehension (and yet never really fully comprehending, truly. Just clouded-glass comprehending) that His grace is the only thing that keeps me alive and not walking in full guilt-wrapped condemnation. Monday and today my edges were so crunchy and my children sooooooo wild:




You get the picture. Not a good combo.

I am self-dissapointed but not dispairing. A fresh start was a humble prayer away.

The name of the book Nick took:?

I love you, stinky face.

Sometimes we are....stinky faced.

In Raleys parking lot Monday all four of us sitting in the stuffy-heated air in the car, that still carried our overboard meanness (ALL of us mean, truly). Nick my switch-from-mean-to-being-used-of-God boy turned the tide for us. In the five minutes of heated silence (we could not even walk into the store-all of us too internally simmering). In that thick, bubbling silence, as I am thinking to myself, "humble yourself, Ask for forgiveness, fix this!..and yet cannot, Nick quietly whispers:

"Anthony. I am sorry for the things I said and did. Will you forgive me?" Pauses

"Mary will you forgive me for yelling at you?" Another pause. By now my heart is full and so are my eyes, and I think to God. "Forgive me".

Nick continues in a hushed tone (as if knowing forgiveness is sacred) "Mom will you forgive me for being mean and disrespectful".

It just takes one to start the humbling. "Yes and will all of you forgive me?"

Tears and hugs all around. Then on to our grocery shopping trip.

A trip with little angels helping with the cart? Well no. One with little kids squabbling over who pushes who rides and who owns the pistachios. But at least forgiven and wounds on the mend.

It is by grace ye are saved (daily, continually) thru faith not of works, stinky face. :)

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