Thursday, October 02, 2008


There are all kinds of loss, letting go...some good for us, some not so good. Painful...

yet ALL can be used by God for our good in the long run.

Sometimes with a hurt, you think it is in the past all gone, you have moved on, and then an unexpected event, will open it up.

That happened to me today. I was surprised there was even a loss or pain there. I had forgotten. And my heart ached so much, I cried.

It was about homeschooling. A mother, planning on homeschooling, posted a funny, encouraging video about homeschooling. As I watched it, it made me sad.

Sad for the plans I had for my kids that sin botched up. (I know NOW I was not ready to homeschool then, but I feel like I could really do it now!)

I am so glad for the mom's who get to do this. My heart is in this.

6 1/2 years ago, when I was married, with only my two boys at the time....I belonged to a homeschool group. The boys were in preschool. I pulled them out of preschool, got an au pair, so they would get use to being home. We put our big house on the market, so we could move into a little one. We paid off all our bills. We were on a two-year plan to downscale, so I could quit work and we could live on one income and I would homeschool our children. We were even talking about adopting a third.

I should say, now in retrospect, I was planning, I was talking... I was clueless.

One day after our house sold, I found out the truth. And WHAM! I was a single mom 30 days later. With so much loss, the passion for homeschooling just got lost in the transition with a lot of other things that require a daddy in the family.

I guess this video opened an old wound. Which is ok, must mean it was not healed yet. God has to get to the wound to be able to heal it..I must have covered it up too soon.

God has a plan for my family that is not plan B (or C or D or XYZ). In His sovereignty He knew all along what our path would be. Planned for it, made good of bad, in some parts, orchestrated blessings in other parts. And He knows my heart. Know I want what is best for my children. Knows my failings and my strengths. And loves us tons.

He will also heal and fill in the gap for what my kids lack.

Anyone thinking of homeschooling, it is such a gift and blessing (and yes so hard at times. I can only imagine). And you can survive, as the little you tube video says, and thrive. There are great homeschool groups out there and many wonderful families.

Thank you Julia, for sharing. Seriously. And taking me back to a time I had forgotten and a passion I had to let go of.

My kids are so important to me. And I know any loss is an opportunity to be loved on by God and to fall deeper into his arms and trust Him.

Another single mom reminded me too, of how I can homeschool some things as augmenting what they get at school. (Much better then video watching). Like bible study, Spanish, other things we are interested in. I am excited. I am going to go start researching that.

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