Monday, May 18, 2009

Getting from here to there....



It has been a week since I have posted. I have had nothing of worth to say. I have been struggling. Still am. And I have had a restless soul...

struggle: 1 : to make strenuous or violent efforts in the face of difficulties or opposition 2 : to proceed with difficulty or with great effort

restless: : lacking or denying rest : uneasy 2: continuously moving : unquiet 3: characterized by or manifesting unrest especially of mind

Anything but at peace.

And it is just not the circumstances of my life right now, although I DO have a lot of things up in the air...juggling and spinning, without knowing when or where they will go.....

It is also a current comtempt for self. I have been seeing and experiencing the darkside of me and I loathe me. Like a bowl of fruit, with the underside fuzzy, blue and rotting. Not pleasant at all, nothing you would want to taste or dig deeper into.

I have really (am really) struggling with trying to connect with God...and when I do...it is for short spurts, like one evening...and then my fuzzy, rotten self wakes up the next morning and walks in selfishness. :(

What is interesting is that I am struggling, but not dismayed. I know that this too will pass. And this rottenness of soul that seems to be appearing more now (or I am perceiving more now), needs to be dealt with. I just don't seem to have the energy or right combination or whatever.......to deal with it effectively.

And, I hate to say this, because I have dear friends and a dear momma, but I feel like I am in this alone. Not that they would not WANT to help me in the struggle, but I feel like it is an alone struggle. Like Jacob and the angel.

So here is what I think in it:

  • This is the day..season...that the Lord has made, (planned, orchestrated and hand-picked for me) I will rejoice (because He has purpose in it) and be glad (because He will be victorious) in it.
  • This too will pass. There is at time for every purpose under heaven.
  • All things, even this season, work together for God's good purpose in my life and my families lives.
  • He will complete that which concerns me.....it is not up to me to complete it.

SO Abba, I struggle, till you bless me. Transform my soul, keep me close, even it if is close to struggle....

And that is my motivate me Monday. I will get from here to where God has planned for me.

1 Things Others Said:

Kyla said...

I'll be keeping you in my prayers sister . . . I too, go through stages like this, and I'm working my way through one right now. I thirst for the Lord, but for some reason, something is blocking my path. It's a comfort to me to know that the Lord is working out His will in me, though, and it WILL pass.

God Bless You Dearly!