She spoke me. ...

There is this dear woman, mother, wife, Ann..I think she lives in Canada, that has this blog called Holy Experience. It is a place on the Internet for spirit and soul refreshing.

I have found my self drawn their frequently of late. She has on three occasions (probably more) just spoke me...what I am feeling, what I am living, what I am needing. Here, (Today's post on the wildness of life and the word), and here (about being broken and yet still beloved. Moved me so much that I made it a permanent link on the right to read again and again.) and here (One piece, about being our entire life, all of it, as a union and connection and worship to God. hard to explain...go read it..but I want it so much.

I am amazed, one so young, has so much wisdom. (and me so old, with my still skinned 8-yr old knees) You can tell her wisdom is from spending time with God, in his word. As I read her post today, the Word that woos, I was just so shocked, that her children are like my children. That her day can be like so many of my days. And she stated what I know and do not do! RUN TO THE SHOULDER OF THE WORD!

See, last night, I was up, awake, walking the floors from 1 am to 3 or 4. Restless, straightening chaos and all the time mentally flogging myself over my lack as a momma. Over my inability to produce harmony, peace and constant loving-kindness, self-sacrificing behavior in "Walton-like" children in my home. (I am a broken momma of broken children and dearly beloved, a treasured possession.)

Then when I read what Ann wrote this morning, it was a balm to my soul. I guess I held her and her family on this holy pedestal that somehow they have it all together and peace and harmony reigns. That she must have this relationship with God that I have not yet grown into, where she does not get frustrated and her children are at peace with one another.

But I see, she needs the word to soothe as desperately as I do. She has the same sibling squabbles as we do.

I feel hope again. I am not too far gone. Our family is not too broken to be without hope. Yes, there are some things I may want to change, to focus on, to turn to God in desperation to give wisdom and guidance on, but we are not hopelessly mired in chaos and conflict, that we should give up. (yea, I know. I actually felt, give up, last night. Too far in, too deep, no way to shovel out.)

His word, his word, his word. I only live by his word. As Ann said today: ..."but for an island of time I lay here on His chest. Listening to Heartbeat in letters."

Thank you Lord for the peek, for the hope, for your word.