Fill me with your love again. ...

The words to an older song on a CD by Amy Grant come to my mind....

"fill me with your love again,
fill me with your love again,
open my hearts door so you can enter in
and fill me with you love again."

I am hearing, from more than one place, the message of God's grace. And that it is not by following the law, but by believing God, that I am saved. Not my works, goodness (or lack of goodness). I need to hear this so desperately, to get this.

Yesterday I read something that said: "God, my father, is able to look past my shortcomings, and see the good in me. ""God, my father, is able to look past my shortcomings, and see the good in me. "

and it just hit me in a wave of sadness.

I am so under it...so oppressed by my own failure, by my desire for perfection and my struggle with mediocrity or worse. And I walk, feeling my in ability to do it right, puts a distance between me and God. And when I read that my heavenly daddy is able (and willing) to look past my shortcomings and see anything of worth in me to love, it floors me. Crumbles my heart in a bucket of tears.

And when I read Beth writing about how we can get captured by all the little things that try to master us...I know I try to assuage the pain of the distance I presume between God and I with all those little things.

Today, in church, the sermon was on Galatians 3:1-14 and 5: 16-26. About just that...that we have the Holy Spirit in us, given to us, for a purpose...and he is not given by our observing the law but by believing. That our believing in God is what is credited to us as righteousness, just like Abraham, and it is foolish to think by performing well, doing it all right, is the why to live.

I long to be controlled by the Spirit, to hear and respond. To be dependent on the Holy Spirit, not a set of rules, or performance guidelines I set up for myself. To daily surrender to God, and allow the Holy Spirit to lead me. I want it I want it I want it. To respond and wake up each morning realizing, sensing that I am not alone... It is not by my might, my power or ability, but by God's Spirit. I spend to much time on my effort.

I love the verses in first Kings 19:11-12, I remember them from the movie Nativity...where they share one God is not in the thunder, or the earthquake or the fire....but after the fire came a gentle whisper..and that is where God is. That gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit in me, I need to quiet down and listen to. Teach us Lord to walk by the Spirit. So the fruit of the Spirit come out of our walk, not out of our effort.

As I sat in church, something was happening with my sons as well. I noticed in church, during the worship singing, my Nick, rather than being distracted was actually singing and focusing on what he was singing. I thought then, hmmmm...I try to force him to stand and sing and he wants nothing to do with it. I let him come and I say nothing, and the Spirit woos him. God knew this day and what He had planned for my sons.

While I was listening to the sermon on God's whispering Spirit, my sons where in Sunday School class experiencing it. Their leader put on worship music. They have been studying the spiritual gifts, and he had each child go to a private corner of the room, with a blank sheet of paper and pencil. And pray to God asking what is his spiritual gift and then write down any impression they got. My sons, both of them, shared sweet things to a mother's heart that they felt God spoke to them. Prophecy and a word of truth for others, a direction to pray for something, a prompting to speak to another about Jesus and a sense of God. How precious and awesome is that. That God would whisper to my sons! Taddy was so touched by it, that he carried his paper and pencil to the park, hoping God would speak more, and has it now in his bedroom. Nick, after the class, told me he felt he was closer to God than he has ever been!

Ah, yes Lord, capture my sons. God is faithful when we cry, and will fill us with His love again. What a blessed Lord's day it has been for us. After church we met a friend and her three sons at the park and played, knitted and crocheted. Then one of the boys came home with us, and Nick went with him to a youth service this evening. Another blessing, friends and companions on the journey to God.

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Some trivial this and that:What is on the "hook" (crocheting at the moment, instead of knitting)


















My cute little chicky salt and pepper shaker find at a thrift store. Aren't they just too sweet?















And I am so proud of myself. I went grocery shopping and used all reusable shopping bags! My bit for the environment! YEA!

I pray you have a blessed day and that God's Spirit woos you to a closer place with him. me too, Lord, me too!