Sunday, July 04, 2010

Sunday Night....

Independence night...
to worship God
to own a Bible
to go to church
to send your children to Christian schools
to choose your job
to adopt a child or have as many as you want
to live here or there
we have so many freedoms other countries do not. But beyond that, for reasons hard to understand we also have so many blessings. I wondered, after two weeks spent in China, why we were blessed with the freedoms and opportunities we have. I wondered again, after a week in Ethiopia. Why does God give us, allow us, to have the blessings that others could not even dream of, that we often, take for granted? Is it his blessings to 1000 generations of those who love the Lord, our founding fathers?
shoes on our feet
full tummies
a clean bed
time for laughter
a sense of safety
leisure time
a Bible Study
a good book
seeing a mother beg from car to car for enough money to feed herself and the child at her breast, seeing to listless young girls tapping on car windows, with really no hope of a handout, hearing story after story of fearful happenings from the 7 year old girl memories, death, pain, anger, senseless killing.... sadness, fear.
we are blessed. God has blessed America....when we really do not deserve it.
Today, tonight...tomorrow...I want to align my heart, and my thoughts with God's word. What He says.....especially what He says about my children and about me. He is a God of hope, love, compassion, and mystery. I stand with Him.
Tomorrow Olivia meets her ESL tutor for the first time, and we start her prep for school in the fall. I am so anxious over her schooling and success. But I know God has a plan there..if I but invite Him in.
We could all use your prayers has been a hard few weeks (for momma, way more than for the kids) and I have, at many moments, come to the end of myself. With energy, mood and spirit low....I need an infusion of God.
I went for prayer today, at church. Olivia, sitting next to me, insisted on going with me to the back for prayer. She was greatly concerned with my tears. I was just feeling so overwhelmed, drained and not too hopeful. As I told the person who prayed for me, I feel like I cannot complain (not that I am a complainer), but that I cannot ask for help...even prayer help, because you see, I asked for this. As a single mother, many folks have shook their head.....4 children....???? But I DID ask for this and I DO still want it and I DO believe God is pleased. I just also know, just because He brings you to something, does not mean it is not going to be HARD!. and it IS HARD.
I read this yesterday: "He (God) intentionally puts His people in situations where they come face to face with their need for him. In the process He demonstrates his ability to provide everything that his people could ever have imagined." I am in such a place. When prayer was over, the person praying for me asked if I had a sense of peace. I had to admit, I did not. I was feeling still too overwhelmed and Olivia and I sat back down in our seats...she started crying. She said she was crying because I was crying. She said her "momma who is asleep" had been crying. (Her deceased mother in Ethiopia). So it scared her to see me cry. We hugged. I reassured her that I was okay.
But I am not okay. Well, actually I am... okay. I know I will be okay, because I have Jesus, Abba and Holy Spirit. I will be okay. Just not feeling okay at the moment.
I read a quote by Abraham Lincoln today, that struck a chord: "I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me seemed insufficient for the day." that also echoes my need...
we press on. .... day by day....and sometimes in smaller chunks of time than that.
But in spite of all of it, I know, I DO KNOW, I am blessed. I am His daughter. He loves me. He says He does. He loves my kids. He will bless them, because I love Him and his word says He will. and I will continue. I will choose to trust him with all my heart, in spite of my being clueless, I will continue to pray and invite Him in...His will be done, in our lives, and trust He is directing us.
Happy 4th of July....Thank you Lord, for America.

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