"Just because something is in a store, doesn't mean you need to buy it! " - quote to myself.
I felt out of sorts last night…ill at ease in my skin….and not quite sure why.
I had an itty bitty inkling of why, the left corner edge perhaps, but not until this morning, did I really see why. (back to that in a minute).
I dropped the boys off at Rangers (their church scouting program) and the girls and I stopped by Target to pick up some photos Taddy needed for a school project the next day. 95 cents. A very small purchase.
While their we browsed through the $1 bins and momma slipped in some stocking stuffers, (ouch, bit) then we decided (eh, hmm…momma decided, Olivia and Mary had no clue it was even there) to go look at the Christmas decorations and ornaments isle. (I traditionally give a new ornament to each of my family members on Thanksgiving. I already had my purchases for this year tucked in the closet at home.)
But then I saw the cute Yoda ornament, (bite) and the cute Scoobey-doo, ( bite bite)and the Princess Tiana, (chomping now) and then wouldn’t these candy canes look pretty in our goodie baskets. …. I knew I did not have much (any) to spend, but…. Our 95 cent shopping trip, ending up costing us $56, plus the $23 at Starbucks for coffee, chocolate and of course this season’s Starbucks mug. Bit by the consumer bug!!!!
We went home. After the boys were back from Rangers and all the kids in bed, I wrote my Radical post for the book read along.
And then could not sleep for hours.
I did not know why.
I do now.
I read Ann Voskamps post this morning: Christmas is just deciding whose birthday it really is.
And my heart hurts.
I now know why I was so ill at ease last night. I do not even know if I still have my Target receipt, I pray I do.
And being the only coffee drinker in the house, how many mugs do I need, while children in other countries are starving? And what does Scooby-Doo and Yoda have to do with hope and Jesus anyway? Is there such a thing as too Radical? I don’t think so.
If you read Ann’s post, it wrung my heart out.
And I wonder, how do you move from where I am now (with kids in tow) to where I want us to be? Is it like the quick yank of a band-aid? OUCH! And move on? Or is it a slow and gradual transition? (prolong the pain and death to self?)
I can look back and see the slow progression, some. Some times. And other times, like last night, I stumble trip back into the thoughtless spending habits of my past. (Note to self: do not go in stores at Christmas time)
I don’t know yet what and how I am going to do with this. I know, first I am going to order the free catalogs that Ann talks about from Samaritan Purse, World vision, etc …and read The Rich Family in Church, and listen to David Platt’s sermon on “The Gospel Demands Radical Giving” and pray pray pray.
Then I will post more, later, with where God leads me.
How un-radical He must of thought me, last night as I posted my Radical post with my Target receipt crumpled in my purse! Yet, he loves me. Today he loves me through Ann’s open heart of sharing her stories.
Later addendum: I found the receipt and am returning the frivolous. I want to bless my family as we bless others. Moving back to reasonable giving...handmade giving. And introducing the idea of givng Jesus His birthday present by giving to the least of these. I will keep you posted on how it goes.
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