O come. Emanuel - there is no radical without you.

Radical celebration:  from the book read-along on Marla's blog.

Marla asked two questions, the first being "How is your life different because of reading Radical?"

I must admit, I am still struggling with my journey,  since my reading of Radical (and Crazy Love by Francis Chan.)  I feel like I am out of place.   I walk around feeling guilty, most the time, for living in America with the financial blessings we have and I am still so perplexed as to why we have them?  Why I have them?  Why aren't I the momma in Uganda with no way to feed my children, or Haiti, or Ethiopia or....?  Why me with blessings?   Why are my concerns paying for private Christian school, kids shoes, with a little left over for Christmas lights and wondering if I should save for retirement next year, while others concerns are how to produce milk for their newborn twins when they have no clean water and do not get to eat every day?

I am still struggling with this.   Tonight, as I laid my head on my pillow, under my warm down comforter and snuggled in my warm house...I struggled.   I asked.   No answers, maybe, no answers came.   I did think, well, I had no control or choice over where I was born.  I have no control, now,  over my past and the way I spent money before this.  

I only have control over how I spend what God blesses me with today and in the future.   I only have control over how I pray and who I pray for and how often.   I only have control over how I "do church" and with whom.   I only have control over what I say and do (to some extent, still working with that one) and how I can encourage and influence.   I only have control over how much I let the pace of life drive me and how much I force a slow down,  to quiet myself to be able to hear God's whisper.   I only have control over what I put under our Christmas tree and what I choose to give to the least of these.  And in all of this, I only have control to the extent that I surrender to God and ask His Holy Spirit to fill me each day, to take over me, my life, my ways.   I only have that limited control over what I believe and choose to believe.  

I'm believing God. I'm trusting Him.  That He will lead and that He will continue His work in me to follow.  I feel so desperately in need of Him and His love and His presence, now during this season.

The second question Marla asked was "How can we pray for you as look forward to 2011 and living radically?"

Pray for a closeness to God, like never before.  For a sensitivity and sense of the Holy Spirit in my life.  That I would hear his voice and respond.   Also, pray, that this broken momma of broken children would have wisdom.  That we, as a family, would grow closer to God and closer together, that we would reflect His ways in our interactions and love for each other.   I am so overwhelmed by the lack of this during this season.  We are getting help, God is working, but it is still so painful right now.  As we move into 2011, this momma is doing more  things to get our lives in order, financially, emotionally, lifestyle and habits...pray as we move through this season of change that we will turn more to God, and feel His presence.   I want us to walk humbly with Him.

o come o come Emanuel and ransom captive Israel, who lays in lonely exile here

Jesus, we are still your Israel, your people, in darkness and exile, so desperately in need of our Savior, please come. In our days, in our moments, in our late night tears, come to us, God be with us. We do not know where to go, how to walk, without your leading.   Whisper, I pray.