Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Fire Ignited...

This is my message today...what is on my heart. Driving into work today, I listened to this song by Chris Rice, Go Light your world...and it just made my heart ache. There are so many sitting in hopelessness, deception, darkness, feeling lonely, tired and worn longing for a flame in their life.

I was one.

...and here is the sad part.

I was a Christian, yet hopeless, deceived, in darkness, lonely, tired, worn and ready to give up.

How could that be?! I use to hide it, thinking, I have the answer, Jesus, and yet, it is not working for me. I am miserable, I am dead inside. I am just as lost as someone who has never believed in Jesus. Oh, I may have eternity secure, but the here and now and my earthly future, I am dead.

I could not admit it. I mean, gosh, I was a Christian. How could I admit the answer to everything was not the answer in my life?

I was deceived... and did not even know it. I remember, singing the songs at church, listening to the sermons, going to small group.....and thinking ...nice words, but not a reality. I do not feel, or experience these things....

I was trying to make an unbelieving husband and a lost, hurting, confused and rebellious step-daughter live the Christian rules, as I tried to live them myself, and I do mean RULES, because that was what it was, and I had NO life and none to offer them.

Then.....and I grin here, because, I am ever grateful God had a THEN in my life....

Then I got honest and desperate. With my small group, for a couple months, I quit playing the game, quit playing by the rules...and I asked the hard questions. The ones no one could answer. But I kept asking them. One night, after months of doubting, questioning, I laid down a challenge with God.

I went home on a Wednesday night, Sept of 2001, and told God, for three weeks, I would get up early, before my family and read the Bible, and after three weeks, if He was no more real to me, than He was now, I was done. No following rules, no trying harder. I needed LIFE.

The next morning, as I started to read (I started in the book of Jude, now near and dear to my heart), God took his flame of life and lit my soul.... He started a passion of fire by His life breathing into me through His word.

That was the beginning of a journey of hope that He has continued to lead me on. He keeps leading me on, to show me what life in Him is, nothing like I imagined. He made the words in the songs real to me. And it was not by doing church, or following the Christian rules, or my circumstances. My husband left, my step-daughter walked away, a year later I became a single mom, with two little boys...so definitely not my circumstances.....

It was by connecting with God in a real and honest way. By finding out that He DOES love me, accept me, want me just as I am, not as I thought I had to be...and that He does have a plan, not like we think, but a wonderful loving plan. He keeps bringing other Christians into my path, to help uncover more or what next He has for me. Beth Moore and Bible Studies, Mark Buchanan and the longing in my soul for something more, Brother Lawrence and practicing the presence of God, Stormie Omaritan, Jack Hayford and others on praying.... dear friends, Rebecca and Stephanie, to share the journey with....my scrapbook/ bible study friends....that are walking the road too, with young ones in tow, other adoptive mothers who have this heart for an orphaned child to be orphaned no more.... My dear and precious Momma, with her lit flame... and the list goes on and on.

And He continues to light my soul with His love and His word, but most of all with this personal relationship, that I never knew was possible. Heard the words, but never knew how to experience it.

So we do have a light to go light our world. And that light may need to be extended to a believer and non-believer alike, who is sitting in hopelessness, tired and worn. Who may even reject the message that Jesus is the light to ignite our soul, because of the deception of Christian rules and behavior modification being the answer. Do not hold out a Pharisaic list of steps as an answer. Hold out the flame of a loving Father and a Savior caring so much that He would drive a nail through His hand for them, for you, for me.

And if your flame is low, or maybe even out.... the spark is a whisper away....ask Him.

Abba, light me! Light me...make me burn. Light me.



There is a candle in every soul
Some brightly burning, some dark and cold
There is a Spirit who brings a fire
Ignites a candle and makes His home

So carry your candle,
run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless,
confused and torn

Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

Frustrated brother,
see how he's tried to
Light his own candle
some other way

See now your sister,
she's been robbed and lied to
Still holds a candle
without a flame

So Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the lonely, the tired and worn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

Cause We are a family
whose hearts are blazing
So let's raise our candles
and light up the sky

Praying to our Father,
in the name of Jesus
Make us a beacon
in darkest times

So Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, deceived and poor
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world

Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the hepeless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

3 Things Others Said:

Modest Mom said...

I think we've all been there in some form and life can toss us around.

I love music to uplift and great Bible studies.

Marcy said...

Wonderful story...made me cry...I am also thankful for God's GRACE, something I'm still experiencing day to day. I'm think I'm finally getting it - He loves me like I am! I don't have to perform! I can be me! Yeah! And this knowledge makes me want to love him more...

crispy said...

Thanks for sharing your story. You are still an uplifting encouragement to me. =)