"Intoxicated with unbroken success, we become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us." - Abraham Lincoln
I cannot say that I feel I am intoxicated with my own success today. I am actually quite undone by my own failures. But I will say that I know I run on my own steam and abilities most of the time. Sad...
Chapter 3 panged my heart with a question of how much do I truly trust God? If George Mueller and I were put on a scale of 1-10. He would be 10+ and I would probably hovering around 1. ?? Sad to say.
How do "we live in such a way that we are radically dependent on and desperate for the power only God can provide"? (p.45) I know I most often live relying on my own abilities and the good graces of my company (where I work) for provision. Yes, I know those are blessings from the hand of my Father. But I do not often acknowledge them as such. How sad of me!
Now, with my children, that is quite a different story. That is where my more often failure, rather than success sends me crashing to the floor in tears for God's wisdom and help.
"He intentionally puts his people in situations where they come face to face with their need for him." p. 47
I will admit, sometimes I go to Him and sometimes I get very grouchy, stressed, rant and rave and get a bad case of ugly mouth! :( It is a true battle with my flesh--kicking rocks about the very situation He has orchestrated for me. God puts the lonely in families and not just to keep them from being lonely~but to cause them to run to him!
"God sends His Spirit in power and everything changes." p. 51
I have to ask myself, how much am I living in the Spirit? Is the fruit there? Would someone describe me as:
"Sandee is loving
Sandee is joyful
Sandee is at peace
Sandee is patient
Sandee is kind
Sandee is and does good
Sandee is faithful
Sandee is gentle
Sandee has self-control" (Gal 5:22,23)
Grading myself, I am far from an A/B student. Why?
Because I do not live or walk in the Spirit..much. I walk mostly in fleshy, broken me..stumbling, tripping and falling down a lot crying to the Father to help me. That is why I am starting to read Francis Chan's "Forgotten God: Revising our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit."
"Why do we not desperately seek it?" (P. 54 Radical) "What if God in all His might is simply waiting to show his power in a people who turn their backs on a philosophy of life that exalts their supposed ability to do anything they want and who instead confess their desperate need for him?"
I loved the part in this book where he talked about the Father giving us the gift of the Holy Spirit....good gifts and that whatever we pray for the answer is the Holy Spirit.
Pray for ___________ and get the Holy Spirit.
That is what I want to do more of this week...pray for the continuing filling of the Holy Spirit in my life, daily...moment by moment. And Lord, please, keep me cognisant of it.
I was just thinking, my trigger could be anytime I feel the least bit stressed, grouchy, concerned, worried, out of sorts...that's my flag to pray and ask...and realized I am empty and desperately in need of the good gift God has to give me.
addendum: (9/28) I am such a basket case today. Tears. After writing Sunday about being a Misfit, and some great stupid issues I am dealing with today (caused by my own failings and weaknesses) and then a read about Katie who is giving all, and Gabi who is desperately in need of those who would come along side to help her get to Uganda... I am undone. Tears.... I need a rest from myself. I need the Holy Spirit!