Monday, January 10, 2011

weave in my life the thread of trust

I have been thinking about trust the last couple of days.   And how do we trust our God, who is so mysterious and beyond our understanding?  and how the thread of trust or lack of trust, is woven through every element of our lives.

In the movie The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lucy asks about Aslan, the lion and if he is safe.  The response she gets is, that he is not safe, but he is good.

Mark Buchanan talks about this in his book, Your God is too Safe.

I guess it would depend on your definition of safe....

Will he keep the status quo and leave your life comfy and easy?  That meaning of safe?
Or is He our refuge, no matter what?  That meaning of safe?

So how do you trust when sometimes prayers are unanswered, or answered no...ones that really, really seem important.  Or when hard times, really hard times come to someone...?   And help doesn't seem to come, in the right time...or at all?

I love God.   He is merciful.  He is gracious.  He is caring.  And He is mysterious. 

The other night, in the middle of the night, I just let go..of all of my performance anxiety, and talked to him as a child to her dad.   Dad, I said, we need your help.   Help us.   Then, and since then, I have felt a peace...a trust, that does not make sense...(I guess that is that "passes all understanding" part in Phil).  The child to the daddy, the lamb to the shepherd.   I don't understand, but I trust.

At church yesterday, one of the guys was sharing about how he was laid off from a company he had worked at for 20 years, and how it was a blessing and God used it in his life and found him a job at a better company and how much happier he was.   Listening to all he was sharing, tears ran down my face.   Tears of pent up fear and of relief.  Like, see, God can be trusted.

One of my biggest fears is, as a single momma-with no safety net to fall back on, that I would lose my job.   I know two people who were laid off last June and still have not found a new position. That haunts me.   As I listened to Mike talk yesterday, my trust in God just grew.   There is none of this He does not know, has not planned on, will not use, FOR OUR GOOD.  I can share my hearts secrets with Him.

My mom is sick right now, and it troubles me.  I worry and pray....and trust.  God loves her.  Has his plan for her and papa too.  I play out all these scenerios in my mind, with no answers for any of them.  So I stop, pray and trust.

Trust  comes down to, for me, just putting my hand, and heart in his, and talking it over, child to daddy, expectantly listening and letting him handle it.  I trust you Abba.

May sound too simplistic for some...but it is all I can do.   Letting the thread of trusting in God weave through the tapestry of my life and my children's.   Leaning on Him.....for all I hold dear!

mom  dad  nicky  taddy  mary  olivia  gabi  stephanie and her girls and man  rebecca  cole  friends  extended family  church family 

"leaning leaning safe and secure from all alarms leaning on Jesus, leaning...learning on the everlasting arms..."

I can't EVEN imagine what it will be like in heaven.  no worries, no questions fogging up trust.   won't we laugh! won't we be full of joy and love!  won't we have a wonderful time!

2 Things Others Said:

Gabi Dickinson said...

This made me cry to see my name included in that list of dear people to your heart. Leah who is here for another few weeks with me wrote this and just thought you may like it:

RamblingMother said...

yes it is very difficult to trust in the midst of being laid off (nearly 2 years), financial ruin (current difficulty) and being a single mom. God is good though and He has not been taken by surprise. Praying for you as well.