When you don't want to let go...

"Raising your own flesh and blood is this exercise in seeing how dirty your flesh is — and how direly you need the blood of Christ." - Ann Voskamp

Ann- You speak my words today...my ways, too often.

my soul, tonight, feels like nails on a chalk board.   hear it?
 
I could enumerate the reasons, but they really do not matter.  The fact is, I know it  AND  I know the remedy {He who is the remedy}...
 
and I choose to not let go of my mood and chalky irritation for life.
 
When the relief for the ache within, is just a whisper away....but I HOLD ON TO THE ACHE.  Why?
 
freedom is a name-whisper away, yet I choose bondage?  Why not let the peace of God rule in my heart?  Why settle for less?
 
I do not know, or maybe I could guess, but some days I just will not let go...  And that is sad...hard...
 
A wasted moment or more...
 
How do you let go, when you don't want to let go at the same time as you wish you would?  Is it as simple as saying "Here I am, like this, help me?"
 
Abba, Jesus.Spirit...   Her I am, just like this...help me...

(I think of Beth's words just a week or two ago, who said, we will never reach our milestone of victory if we cannot overcome our moments.   How in this moment of temptation to succumb, just call upon His name.  in this moment....Jesus.)