Tuesday, May 01, 2012

1000 blessings

via pinterest
Some days are just harder than others....  and it does not make sense.  Nothing different about today.  No big crisis to deal with or worry to consume me.  

But some days the skin of my soul just crawls.  

Like today.  

My heart aches and my mind wanders and folds convoluted back on itself....the alone conversations I have constantly {it seems}

A day when I am glad I do not have TV, because a Hallmark commercial could make me burst into tears.

When I shrink from chatting about this with my Savior imagining disappointment in his eyes for my nothingness and pursuit of lesser soul-wraps.

And I read again, from Ann, that we are more joyful, happy if we keep a gratitude list.

And I think...I have nothing to be grateful for..yet I know I have EVERYTHING to be grateful for.  Last night I sat on my porch, with a cool breeze looking at a greenfield and some of our garden work...knowing there are momma's around the globe looking into the eyes of their starving children, straving themselves.   OF COURSE, I have everything to be grateful for.   But I don't feel it.   Today...in my soul-crawling mood.

I have done this off and on...tried a gratitude list, but more off, than on. 

So feeling particularly unjoyful today for no cotton-pickin reason..... {or at least not a big enough one}..i am going to scrounge deep and start an online gratitude journal here, now, today.  Just 3 a day...at least...and see where it leads me. 

Day 1 {again}

May 1
  • a Bible Study book beckoning me...open me, open me, read me...I have encouragement within.
  • a job that provides for me and my children
  • all five of us working in the garden last night

Ok.  that's a start.    and I will keep adding to it, if it kills me!  lol.

I open my Bible Study work book, and the verse at the top of the page for today's homework is:

"EVERY generous act amd EVERY perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Faterh of lights; with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning."  James 1:17

0 Things Others Said: