A message to my heart....

Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn.

Psalm 57:8

 

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed.

Psalm 126:1

 



4 months without posting.   I was not sure if I would blog again. I had nothing really to talk about.  Nothing that facebook snippets would not suffice.  Or only the gnarly not fit for others consumption.  ...until today.

 

There are these two holes {pits} in my journey's road that I fall into again and again.    I have been in one or the other for the past 6-10 months or more...occasionally peering out over the rim for a second or two...just to slide back in a moment later.

 

The two holes:  performance {lack of performance guilt}  and distraction {performance-guilt escape}.

 

Been there, been there, been there, set up housekeeping there.... no windows, no doors, not even a ladder.....just a tunnel from the bottom of one to the bottom of the other.

 

And here is where grace is so amazing.  I toss and turn trying to grapple with how to arrange this chair and that table and this mood and that person in the bottom of these pits...and ask not expecting, but ask for wisdom. 

 

and grace answers.

 

doesn't give me the answer I thought...how to arrange this, or fix that or put this there.... nope.  Not the answer I THOUGHT I asked for.   But the answer I needed.

 

I read Ann today, because the title grabs me:  "How to live through through the Messy".  And I am all over that, because I am all over messy.  The bottom of pits are very messy.

 

And grace uses Ann's words to start a little candle-sized flame.  baby spark. a baby spark called Hope. with a middle name of Eucharisteo and a last name of Grace.   Reminding me once again, He loves me.    Just as I am.  and it is not about pit performance or pit escape.  It is about he loves me.  and keeps sending me these private messages of love that I tromp over, or gather up and put in the trash or just don't see.                      

 

and as I read things such as this:

 

"Heaven and earth both know I am a miserable mess away from perfect."

and this:

"I need the perfect, sinless sacrifice of Jesus Christ who can take all the broken messes and make them into mosaics of Grace."

oh and this:

" And it’s crazy — the relief of just smiling. Christ invites us to celebrate the full life as the celebrants — not because we’ve got it all together, but because He’s finished it all at the Cross!"

and....

"The Art of Celebrating Life isn’t about getting it right — but about receiving Grace. Regardless of the mess of your life, if Christ is Lord of your life — then you are the celebrant out dancing in a pouring rain of grace! Because when it’s all done and finished, all is well, and Christ already said it was finished."

And as I start sharing these words to encourage another....  I think, hope, again...that perhaps ...just perhaps....{ "Eucharisteo always precedes the heart miracle."} perhaps I could have a heart miracle?

Perhaps I could grab that grace-scarred hand reaching down into these tunnelled pits and be pulled out. 

And smile again with my heart.

And live again in a place, in a relationship where my best friends are not fictitious characters in some murder-mystery.  Where I no longer find artificial joy-imitations in snippets of imagination acted out for camera, but in my heart. In a real relationship, again.

so, I type a private message to one I want to encourage..and as I type the Spirit of Grace gets fired up and starts writing truth that I had forgotten {?}...and it writing not just to my recipient...but to ME...to ME.

Awake my soul....your dream is hear and now!

Here is a paraphrased version of my private message....for me to look back on in the future and remember...and maybe just encourage another.

I remember once you told me about a time when you and God came to this point...where you surrendered the "have to fix it" (my words not yours)....forcing prayer....when you let go....and surrendered...that regardless if your children chose him or not....you were still choosing him....that heaven was still your dwelling place even if!

Remember that?

And I was thinking....even if someone chooses not to live daily in grace, gracefully toward others, chooses not to live out, or seek living out the fruit of the Spirit, even if it is so....

WE...WE will choose to live in grace.

We will choose to thank him for the good and bright and beautiful he places in our life. For the daily, moments.

Grab that book, jot those gifts....regardless. We choose and celebrate life. and Thank him...and as we thank him for the good that he DOES give in our life, our heartview changes...and the not-good stain from the fall around us is not as visible.

We choose to focus our eyes on the giver and the watercolor glimmer of Eden, not on the stains of the fall.

Our focus will change our heart.

He is all grace.

Grace for our weakness.

Grace for our forgetfulness.

Grace for our wanting it to be other than it is.

{Even he felt that..."if it be your will, let this cup pass, never the less.....and for the JOY set before him endured..."}

Hey, let's on facebook each day post a list....no explanation..we will know. a gift list.

from something as little as cheering a son on at basketball, cold iced coffee, ann voskamp encouragement, another room packed (another box unpacked) a cheery word from my new boss, a paycheck,

by the blood of the lamb (grace) and the word of our testimony (thankfulness for every good gift {God-gift} that comes from above) we overcome.

a momma sitting in the dirt on a side road in Addis Ababa,

nursing baby at her empty breast smiled when a passer-by handed her a half-ripe banana

if she can smile, so can we.

we did not choose the skin color we were born into,

the continent,

the family,

the decade,

the financial class....

we did not choose any of that....yet

HE FOUND US.

He sought us out.

He wooed US.

We are the kings sweetheart, as incredulous as that sounds.

Us.

Broken messy limping often sniffling Mephibosheth us....invited in to dine with the king 24 X 7.

A banana to smile about.

So let's do this thing. As Beth says.

Let's grab a hold and not let the stain of the fall, even reflected in those we love most, pull us down, make us forget.

 Let's take that word that does not return void,

that is deep within us and not just chew on it....

but sow it into the soil of this planting season.

We will reap a harvest beyond our imaginings if we do not give up.

Let's not let anything or anyone rob our joy!

("Preaching it" to myself as well as you. You remind me, I will remind you. :)

Ann's post today just gave me the spark of accepting grace,

{again}

 letting go of performance,

{again}

taking my eyes off the messy (inside and outside of me)...

{again}

and realizing

{once again}

that Eucharisteo precedes the heart miracle

A joyful heartin a fall-stained world is a miracle.

"Be joyful in hope,

patient in affliction,

faithful in prayer."

Romans 12:12

So be it.