Friday, April 19, 2013

setting free an artful life

Inspiration from: Beth Nicholls
 funny self

i did not realize you were so funny, funny thinking about certain things

i wondered

but did not slow down enough to question those funny asumptions tying your feet to the ground

then a spark of wonder, inspiration from here {thank you Kelly, for sharing your story and other possibilitarians...and i see i have some very funny thoughts holding me back.

 funny thoughts that are not so funny:

1-too old to start something new

2-don't know what to do and how to do it

3-it's not ministry

the third one is the biggest one.  the funniest one.   the one that held me dead in my tracks.  and now i see it is so funny-thinking.  oddness with a capital O.

 see, it's like this, funny self.  i work to pay the bills, to care for my family, to do my part and support us.  my work has meaning, not solving world hunger, but it is good work, some days exciting work, and it is a way to love my family and myself, providing for us.    it also, recently with a job change, moved into a good way to give back to others, help and encourage...move them on to being more effective and happy at work. {I now work in HR as an Org Capability Partner}.  so good job

i never question should i work, should i provide for my family, should i work at my current job..because....well, it is not 'spiritual', or a "ministry".   it is what i do to care for my family.

but, BUT..(BIG BUT)...

i have held myself back from diving into my artful passions because they were not "spiritual" enough.  they were not recuing orphans or saving souls.    they were {selfish?} me pursuing, making, creating beauty for no special reason other than to create it...

and my funny thought was, that is not ok.....

now isn't that silly?

if i can hold a job and provide for my family and it not be this big ministry-thing...yet, i keep waiting in my life (and i am not getting younger) and not pursuing the artful creativeness that excites my soul, because i can't do something BIG for God...isn't that silly?

why would he not want me to create and spread beauty?   if working for a corporation to provide for my family is good enough, then why can't artfullness be good enough too?

i am not sure i am making sense...and i am not sure i have it all sorted out, to be ok...

but i decided to let go of the debate, the handcuffs, the "if its not spiritual it is not valid"


this is my only life here...i want to spend it making beauty that makes me smile....expressing what is inside me....

i'm not doing any of those other BIG THINGS for God anyway....  i'm busy caring for a family and providing.... 

i want to live a small, quiet, artful life

and today i am giving myself permission to do that.  sounds silly....but i am.

i have no idea where it will go or what it will look like....

but it makes me smile, underneath my grey hair, to think about it.

i know all this might sound funny...but not funny to me.

{set your funny self free, darlin'}

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