tissue-thin

there is a veil...

tissue-thin....

between the realm of all we see touch and feel..and sometimes despair and the realm of God's spirit, breathing life.

i feel {felt?}  ok still feeling, though with a whisper of hope...

i feel battered, exhausted, worried {concerned} stressed over too many things this morning.....

too many gas-guzzling trips in the suburban this week {and it's only Tuesday} and wondering if i'll have enough gas money.

too many {things} needing money from me and too little money to peanut-butter across

email notifications that my bank balance has hit that low threshold mark that i set an alert for, so i could do something about it, but there are too many days left in the week and weekend until pay day...

living too thin....

too many items on my to do list without quick easy solutions....

too much clutter in my house, and messes to clean and stains to wash and brokenness to fix....

too many issues to figure out..and problems to solve, and assistance to give...when i am tapped out....

and stress over school picture money written on paper checks

and stress over bills paid and unpaid...

and stress over how to help my son do fundraisers for school...when truly he should be doing fundraisers for us

and stress over trying to focus on work deliverables, and meetings and tasks and attention...when my whole life is clamoring...

and stress over church, the one thing i would hope would NOT be stressful...and feeling unsettled and unhomed and unknowing what to do.... 

and i sit at my desk, in this mood, tissue-thin layers of stress upon stress, trying to look deep for the blessings hidden between......

i am exhausted...

i put my face in my hands, in my little cube at work,  and my heart cries, O Lord, help me...

and i read Ann's words: 

"When did I start expecting successful Christian living to be smooth sailing instead of stepping out of the boat in the middle of a storm? ...When did I start thinking Christianity was about putting on accessories instead of putting on armor? Life’s not hard because you’re doing anything wrong: Life is a battle. Put on your armor."

and i realize, even in this thin day....there is life, and there is breath and there is joy and there is blessing and there is encouragement.

i soak Ann's words in.

i soak God's presence in.  he has not forsaken me.  He will not let this stress be the end up me.

He will help me take the snarly ends of this ball of yarn, and untangle the knots and knit it back together.....

and the simple words of a of a kind soul typed out in facebook, makes my heart tears spill: 

"You are in the middle of very important work....children "

and yes...I am...and God is here....

and then I look at these four faces...dressed up for "clique" day at school:  a jock, a rapper, a nerd and a hipster...

look at them.   each so full of personality, and life and character and the spirit of the living God dwells in each of them!   How could I let anything get me down, when I can look at them...and see the faithfulness of my God?   

and i know..the veil between the seen and the unseen is so thin....and all i feel and see, and struggle with, wet with tears, makes it even more transparent so I can see God.  I can feel God.  I can take his love into my thin places....

and that is the blessing in the stress...the thinness helps me see God.   and see the four blessings out my door every morning  and back in again each night.

The Blessing of Grace....

This is what is on my heart today....the blessing of Grace..... the gift from God of belief.

Eph 2:8-10

For it is by grace

{undeserved, unearned, favor, blessings, love}

you are saved

{eternal salvation, and continually being saved, from ourselves, from our situation, from the world and our enemy, being continually restored, redeemed}

through faith

{through believing God, by believing God is who he says he is, by believing he is doing what he says he is doing, by believing I am who God says I am, by believing his word is alive and active in me, by believing my prayers of a "under the blood" momma, therefore considered righteous, are powerful and effecting, by believing that all things work together for the good for me and my children and my parents because we love God, by believing God.}

and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God --

{not only is this grace a gift, we can clearly see that, but the act of faith, of believing God, is a gift. God gives us the gift of being able to believe Him, to trust him, to walk with Him, to believe His word, to no longer walk alone, to pray and know our prayers are heard. To believe is a gift from God.}

not by works, so that no one can boast.

{nothing I do, no performance, no right or wrong, or figure it out, or try harder, or read the right book or be perfect can earn me grace or faith...nothing I can boast about....only be grateful.}

but we are God's workmanship

{masterpiece, poem,}

created in Christ Jesus

{in Jesus we are being created into a masterpiece by God, stitched, knitted, woven, painted, designed...all the lose ends tucked in...}

to do good works

{good things, right now, here, in my family are the good things God has for me to do. And even as he is still stitching the scarf, the scarf is around the neck providing warmth. Not waiting to be completed, but doing the good things, while I am still a work in progress.}

which God prepared in advance for us to do.

{He saw just what would be needed, is needed, and has woven in all to be able to complete the good things he planned. He saw the weakness, wove it in, he say the despair, wove it in, he saw the personally clashes, and hurt-heart challenges and wove it in. He saw the preciousness and talents of each family member and wove it in...to his masterpiece...}

And he sees this for each of my children, his children.....working all things together for their good, for the good things he has planned in advance for them to do....he is all the while crafting.

That is what is on my heart and mind today....the gift of grace and faith and what God is all the time working, creating us into.

What a blessing...

Blessing 180

today in church, half the back row, where I usually sit with my three children, along with another momma and her three, was occupied. So I sat a row forward with my sons behind me sitting by their friends.

During the singing, I loved what I heard. The voice of my son raised in worship.

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,

Who was and is and is to come

with all creation I sing

praise for the king of kings

you are my everything

and I adore you."

Yes, Lord, Amen!