tissue-thin

there is a veil...

tissue-thin....

between the realm of all we see touch and feel..and sometimes despair and the realm of God's spirit, breathing life.

i feel {felt?}  ok still feeling, though with a whisper of hope...

i feel battered, exhausted, worried {concerned} stressed over too many things this morning.....

too many gas-guzzling trips in the suburban this week {and it's only Tuesday} and wondering if i'll have enough gas money.

too many {things} needing money from me and too little money to peanut-butter across

email notifications that my bank balance has hit that low threshold mark that i set an alert for, so i could do something about it, but there are too many days left in the week and weekend until pay day...

living too thin....

too many items on my to do list without quick easy solutions....

too much clutter in my house, and messes to clean and stains to wash and brokenness to fix....

too many issues to figure out..and problems to solve, and assistance to give...when i am tapped out....

and stress over school picture money written on paper checks

and stress over bills paid and unpaid...

and stress over how to help my son do fundraisers for school...when truly he should be doing fundraisers for us

and stress over trying to focus on work deliverables, and meetings and tasks and attention...when my whole life is clamoring...

and stress over church, the one thing i would hope would NOT be stressful...and feeling unsettled and unhomed and unknowing what to do.... 

and i sit at my desk, in this mood, tissue-thin layers of stress upon stress, trying to look deep for the blessings hidden between......

i am exhausted...

i put my face in my hands, in my little cube at work,  and my heart cries, O Lord, help me...

and i read Ann's words: 

"When did I start expecting successful Christian living to be smooth sailing instead of stepping out of the boat in the middle of a storm? ...When did I start thinking Christianity was about putting on accessories instead of putting on armor? Life’s not hard because you’re doing anything wrong: Life is a battle. Put on your armor."

and i realize, even in this thin day....there is life, and there is breath and there is joy and there is blessing and there is encouragement.

i soak Ann's words in.

i soak God's presence in.  he has not forsaken me.  He will not let this stress be the end up me.

He will help me take the snarly ends of this ball of yarn, and untangle the knots and knit it back together.....

and the simple words of a of a kind soul typed out in facebook, makes my heart tears spill: 

"You are in the middle of very important work....children "

and yes...I am...and God is here....

and then I look at these four faces...dressed up for "clique" day at school:  a jock, a rapper, a nerd and a hipster...

look at them.   each so full of personality, and life and character and the spirit of the living God dwells in each of them!   How could I let anything get me down, when I can look at them...and see the faithfulness of my God?   

and i know..the veil between the seen and the unseen is so thin....and all i feel and see, and struggle with, wet with tears, makes it even more transparent so I can see God.  I can feel God.  I can take his love into my thin places....

and that is the blessing in the stress...the thinness helps me see God.   and see the four blessings out my door every morning  and back in again each night.

a pocket full of owls and random yarns

 it is  thursday, that feels like friday..but isn't.

the weather had an edge of chill this morning and looking at the forecast, i am hopeful our long awaited fall is almost here.

the whirlwind of school is settling in and the schedules of a highschooler, along with my other three is becomging a way of life.   no room to scooch anything else in.

but that's ok,   it feels like they are all thriving. 

i am so happy with a big decision to move all to a new school this year...  i just did not know, before we moved, and last minute "the sky is falling" comments did not help.   but God helped. :)  and the advice of my dear friend Stephanie.  And now we are getting into the routine and fully engaged.   I just got my kids first progress report yesterday and WOW!...impressive little minnions!   I am so pleased with the focus and diligence of all of them. 

between volleyball games, soccer, basketball, worship team, and running for student government...we are busy...not to mention homework, mom's work, and oh yea, pets and a house.  but happy busy.

one of the blessings hidden in the sadness of my daddy being ill, is that I have been able to visit with them more...and pop over to their place.   i like that.   i spent some medical office trip time with them yesterday and enjoyed just being about the business of everyday life with them.    Please keep praying for my papa....  we love him so.

Nick is working on some fundraisers which means i am working on some fundraisers too.  One is making a bumch of  little amigurumi owls to sell.  I actually suggested this one, because they were just so stinking cute and I wanted to see if I could make them.  So here are three of the guys.   I keep the yarn with me and stitch a little here a little there. ;)

yesterday we had to wait for nick's piano lesson to be done, and the library was closed so we went to the park...yarn and all.

This is probably the most boring blog of all times, isn't it?

I think I have forgotten HOW to blog.  With being so busy, like my stitching, I just get in a word here, a snippet there on facebook, and don't really blog much anymore.  BUT, I am not willing to give it up yet.   So we will see.   I don't know where my blog might go, or its real purpose anymore....but it is still here for now.

I am working on some dreams....(itty bitty house, and a pink truck like this one)...and talking to my Jesus most of the time, with my momma and daddy being a big part of that conversation, and each of my kiddos....

my life is becoming pretty focused, basic.   I am no longer struggling with this whole concept of "what am I suppose to be when I gorw up" and "what is my BIG purpose {aka"ministry"}?"   I am pretty content with being a momma and a daughter in this season...hands full,  heart full.

and everyone else can go do the big purpose and many things. :)  it seems freeing to just let myself be a simple momma...and let go of all the shoulds and coulds (can'ts really-Idon't have time for coulds) and the would you just....

sorry can't

i have to get dinner of some sort or fashion on the table,

laundry folded

pets fed

kids driven to school

work project done

homework helped

prayers said

floor swept

oh, and did i mention, 96 more owls crocheted. :)

and i'm happy

Happy Fall, glad you are slipping in!

Run the Race

by Nick Hancock

Run the race Videohttp://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=101690773318164

He is hope.....

via Pinterest

searching for some words on hope tonight...i turned to God's heart expressed through Ann, and to an old hymn.

i've got a mansion

just over the hill top

in that bright land where

we'll never grow old

and one day yonder

we will never more wander

but walk on streets that are purest gold

 Ann's hope words:

When its hard to still keep on hoping: "We bury our swollen prayers in Him who’s raised from the tomb. We lay our hope, full and tender, into the depths of Him and wait in hope for God to resurrect something good. Good always necessitate long waiting."

Why its worth it to keep on hoping:"When hope is infinitesimal, that God may increase it, and when hope is deadened, that God may enliven it, and when hope is craved that it may be found in Christ alone. How in the world can the hurt produce hope? Simply: Lean into the Lord...(tharr be more)and His heart absorbs the hurt and the hope of forever with Him, this is what heals.  Even when we’ve buried pain deep, refused to expose it, and the gnawing about wears us through, us with no hope for the fruit — there’s a Gardner and there’s a miracle and there’s redemption in the barren places."

The importance of family, what he gives in the dark: "In the dark, on the brink of the unspeakable, there’s a power working in the powerless.....We just have to grab each other’s hands, press into the land of His promises. I lean into his tears. “We don’t know what’s going to happen here, Joshua. God’s got a plan and it’s good, always.” His eyebrows betray his questioning...The power that charges the dark is the grace of family. There is a reason that “God sets the lonely in families” (Ps. 68:6)."

His love floods!

you know...i had been feeling off-kilter a bit.  so busy i was distant....falling again into the mud-puddle of imagined disapproval {failed performance}...envisoning the splatterings of shame and grit of dust....long dried from too long of only a snippet here, and a snippet there of any God speak....

thinking...when I get time, when I catch up, when the kids are back in school...then i will have time to draw close...

abba did not want to wait on me. :)

he decided to draw clse to me in the middle of my busyness to remind me that it is not how well or good or consisten or much I love God.....

It is how much HE loves ME.y

God used this sweet man to bring me near.  to remind me  what real love is.   This is the love I see in my momma and papa.   This is the love I want to see in my sons for their wives one day.    This is the love I want my daughters to experience.   this is the love of God for me.

the real deal.




(The song is Beautiful Exchange by Hillsong)

The Blessing of Grace....

This is what is on my heart today....the blessing of Grace..... the gift from God of belief.

Eph 2:8-10

For it is by grace

{undeserved, unearned, favor, blessings, love}

you are saved

{eternal salvation, and continually being saved, from ourselves, from our situation, from the world and our enemy, being continually restored, redeemed}

through faith

{through believing God, by believing God is who he says he is, by believing he is doing what he says he is doing, by believing I am who God says I am, by believing his word is alive and active in me, by believing my prayers of a "under the blood" momma, therefore considered righteous, are powerful and effecting, by believing that all things work together for the good for me and my children and my parents because we love God, by believing God.}

and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God --

{not only is this grace a gift, we can clearly see that, but the act of faith, of believing God, is a gift. God gives us the gift of being able to believe Him, to trust him, to walk with Him, to believe His word, to no longer walk alone, to pray and know our prayers are heard. To believe is a gift from God.}

not by works, so that no one can boast.

{nothing I do, no performance, no right or wrong, or figure it out, or try harder, or read the right book or be perfect can earn me grace or faith...nothing I can boast about....only be grateful.}

but we are God's workmanship

{masterpiece, poem,}

created in Christ Jesus

{in Jesus we are being created into a masterpiece by God, stitched, knitted, woven, painted, designed...all the lose ends tucked in...}

to do good works

{good things, right now, here, in my family are the good things God has for me to do. And even as he is still stitching the scarf, the scarf is around the neck providing warmth. Not waiting to be completed, but doing the good things, while I am still a work in progress.}

which God prepared in advance for us to do.

{He saw just what would be needed, is needed, and has woven in all to be able to complete the good things he planned. He saw the weakness, wove it in, he say the despair, wove it in, he saw the personally clashes, and hurt-heart challenges and wove it in. He saw the preciousness and talents of each family member and wove it in...to his masterpiece...}

And he sees this for each of my children, his children.....working all things together for their good, for the good things he has planned in advance for them to do....he is all the while crafting.

That is what is on my heart and mind today....the gift of grace and faith and what God is all the time working, creating us into.

What a blessing...