Sitting on the question.....

I think I wrote in the past about the concept of "sitting on a question." I had come across that direction in something I had been reading at the time, and now I cannot remember what it was.

But now I come back to that thought again. As I am struggling with something and first pulling toward my way, and then asking God His way, and just (as Beth says) "working the thing out", I struggle with not only the question itself, but the lack of an answer, yet, to the question. That is where the "sitting on the question" part comes in. To be able to trust God and be content while you are still sitting on the question.

In the bible study we are doing with the ladies at church on the Patriarchs, just last week the message was on Abraham and God having a dialogue over whether God would destroy S & G if there were righteous people in it..even 10. (See Gen 18, I think). But in that dialogue she talked about how we can, in prayer and intercession, work something through with God. It maybe in the end, we see God had a plan all along and we surrender to that plan, and it may be we see a plan we never knew and He reveals something fresh to us. But the working it through with God, sitting on the question with God, is the part that struck me.

Like Jacob, later in Genesis, wrestling with God all night and then at the end, a changed man, asking God to bless him.

Sometimes in our questions with God we will take another approach....where, without an immediate answer, we do our own thing. Like Abraham, Sarah and Hagar and try to bring out our version of God's will ourselves. Oh how often have I walked that path? And God always forgives, and will bless in the future, but there are always consequences as well. Most we will never foresee. I think of David and Bathsheba, where David did what he wanted, knowing fully well it was not God's will. Suffered sad and painful consequences, yet after a contrite heart, was blessed with Solomon, through whose line we have Jesus.

So as I wrestle, I have to keep coming back to trust. To trusting God when I see no answer...no good answer, when I want to know what to do, and yet do not. To trust and sit. And surrender as I want to rush off and do what I think best (easiest) and give no time or room for God to show Himself. "There is a way that seems right unto a man, but the end there of is destruction."....

"Trust in the Lord with all my heart, lean not on my own understanding, in ALL my ways acknowledge Him and He WILL direct my path." Prov 3:5,6

When I am _____________ (wanting direction and don't have it yet) i will trust in you. PS 56:3

During this time a couple hymns keep coming back to me and I am singing them in my mind, and even out loud at times. (I so do not want my children to lose the great comfort and truth in hymns. I have an old hymnal, I hope I did not steal it, I do not remember how it became mine, but I love going through it. I love that the kids school still sings old hymns in chapel at times. )

Here are a couple that really speak to me in this sitting on a question and trusting God:

Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His Word
Just to rest upon His promise
Just to know :Thus saith the Lord"

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er.
Jesus, Jesus Precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more.

O how sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to trust His cleansing blood
Just in simple faith to plunge me
Neath the healing, cleansing flood.

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er.
Jesus, Jesus Precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more.

Yes, tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest and joy and peace.

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er.
Jesus, Jesus Precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more.

I'm so glad I learn'd to trust thee,
Precious Jesus Savior Friend
And I know that Thou art with me
Wilt be with me to the end.
--------------
Another that comes to my mind it Trust and Obey. Because as I trust in God to lead me where He wants me to go when I have questions, I also have to be willing and determined to obey when His answer may not be my preference.

I find at times, I may have the tendency to wait on God answer, so I say, but am truly in my heart waiting for God to agree with what I think the answer is. And then if that is not what He reveals, I go with my answer instead.

How pitiful we are. How short sighted. O for grace to trust Him more.

Exciting News....

I have some exciting news from Ethiopia.....

Check out my adoption blog:
http://findingolivia.blogspot.com/

A Calling or a command?... (Warning....not pulling the punches today)

There are some 143 million children around the world who are considered orphans through losing one or both parents, according to the United Nations. Moreover, every 14 seconds a child loses a parent due to Aids – the leading cause for a child to lose both parents.

Yet between 1971 and 2001, US citizens have adopted only over a quarter million children, according to the US Department of State.




Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Well, only if it is convenient. Only if it won't put you out, or financial cause a challenge. And only if you can still afford those new soccer shoes and daily latte's. And only if they are cute and well behaved. OH yea, and only if it does not cost much and the paperwork is easy. Oh, and only if someone else does it and I can pray for them. ..... Only......

I was thinking...there are many ways we can become polluted by the world. But one way, that cries out to me most, especially in the culture in which I live, is the myopic view of our lives and what we think we can do or bear, and what we think is not for us...ie Adopting may be for some folks, but not for me because : _____________. Fill in the blank.

But yet, there are 143 million children needing families? If not the Christian community WHO is God calling on do adopt? If not you, than WHO????

Like the froggie in the boiling pot of water, for so many years I became desensitized to what I had become, what I expected from life, what I was ENTITLED to... yet, God, all the time is crying out for His faithful to step up to His heart cry.

The children.

Our children.

Why would we not? Is there any reason good enough? Can I look Jesus in the eye and say, I could not Lord, because ________________ and then look down at His nail scarred hands?

A man hole is still a hole....

Spring Break Day 6

Does Saturday count, as spring break? It was a normal day, with chores, and shopping and naps.... As the day wore on I found myself getting more cranky and more cranky, and I don't know why. Finally, dropping the kids off to a playdate, I went grocery shopping and was so sad...and felt so lonely, I cried all the way through the grocery store. :(

I just felt so lonely. When I finished shopping, I could not pick up the kids quick enough. I just wanted to be with them so badly, which is silly. I knew my loneliness could only be met by God himself.

After everyone got home, bathed, in PJs and hit the sack, I sat in the kitchen and cried. No reason, just cried.

.... and realized, no matter how close I feel to God, I still hit these holes once in a while. But rather then stressing that something is wrong with me, or that I did something wrong, I just realize, they are there and they will pass. I may try to cover them up..but there is no use. Why not be authentic? If I feel sad, don't try to fix it. Listen to God, if He is not telling me anything (I can hear) in it, then just turn to Him and sit with Him in it. And like a mother quieting her child, sitting in His presence through the tears will soon quiet them....

I am better today..had a great Easter with my family and tears are all gone....... No longer thrown by tripping on these holes, just come on out, when it is time.

God is good...His word is essential.

Dillons Beach....the long way...

Spring Break Day 5

... a day at the beach and the only one missing...was Olivia... http://findingolivia.blogspot.com/

I took the kids to Dillons Beach. I love the last part of the journey through farm land. We saw mommy and baby lambs, cows and their calves, lamas, shetland ponies, barns and farm housees. And being so close, I took a wrong turn in Petaluma...and got all mixed up adding an hour to our journey. Yet, we finally made it.

It was pretty windy, but very sunny and we still had a great time. Tadpole found an awesome large shell wading in the waves, we built tunnels and holes, ate snacks. The boys played survivors and warriors, as Mary napped under a blanket, then we all went exploring and leaving our mark on the world through "sandwriting". We stayed until sunset, then wet, sandy, tired and happy we hit the road for home.

During the drive home, the sun set and we saw the full moon reflecting over the water of the inlet area by San Rafael. It was awesome. I had to stop and take a picture, but...my digital camera was broken. A dissapointment with the camera, but still a beautiful picture painted by the hand of God.

Home at 10 pm...we all hit the sack and slept well. A great ending to day 5. I love God's handiwork at the ocean and seem to never get too much of it.

Salty Air, Sea "Dogs" and Rainforests.....

Spring Break Day 4.

Being on vacation today, I took mom and dad and the three kids to San Francisco. We met my good friend Donna and her daughter Monique. We first lunched at the Rain Forest Cafe, a first time adventure for little Mary, and for Nanny and Papa too, and had fun among the "thunderstorms", monkey squeals, elephant trumps, and cheetah roars. A truly magical and fun place..and tasty food too.

The weather was gorgeous, sunny and breezy, a little too breezy in the shade, but clad in sweatshirts we strolled down fisherman's wharf, Nick tipped the street musician playing a ..hmm, what is it called, not a harpsichord, but a...hummm...something...I forgot...and Anthony tipped the magician. They all got a kick out of the "bush man" and Nick had has portrait sketched by a street cartoonist. (It so impressed him, that now that he is home, he is in his room practicing. He now thinks, rather than making money by setting up his street side newscast, he will do street side portraits!)

We worked our way back to Pier 39, did a little trampoline bungee jumping (Nick), chocolate purchasing (mom and Tadpole) and Sea "Doggie" (Lion) watching (all) and ended it with a tour of the Aquarium..sharks, starfish, sting ray...swimming all around us as we travel through a glass tunnel under the bay! oh, there was a stop in a puppet shop for Nick to spend his allowance on a "Doozie" marionette puppet.

An awesome day..driving home talking to mom about things that are real....(God and His word.) Who could have asked for a better day!???? Not I. Thank you Lord.

Presentations and Pajamas...

Ok, What do these truly have in common? Well, Spring Break Day 3, that is what. I had a work presentation I had to give yesterday am to my boss's boss's boss and peers in a staff meeting at 6 AM!! Gulp. It was going to be on the phone, using my laptop and sharing a PowerPoint, but My kids of course would still be home and my puppy, all sleeping? One would hope. So the night before, I kept having bad dreams about the presentation. That I overslept until 6:46 am and dialed in late, or another that my kids burst into the room, with dog barking, in the middle...and yet again, that I forgot about it all together. Needless to say, between these fretful dreams and checking the clock every couple hours (even though the alarm was set) I did not get much rest.

The night before, I had coached the kids, if they heard any noise in the early morning, that I had a phone meeting REALLY early and not to come into the room.

Well, I woke in time, but was still nervous about my kids interrupting, so..grin....I took my laptop and wireless phone into the walk-in closet off the bathroom of my master bedroom and sat on the closet floor, IN MY JAMMIES, headset, laptop..and made a presentation to mgrs around the world....lol! And it went AWESOME! Great questions and interaction and I sounded half-way intelligent and they had no clue their speaker was flanneled-snowflake clad!

When I finished, relieved and feeling good, and wandered out to check on the kids, all three of my sweeties and the puppy, were piled on the boys bed, talking and reading books, just waiting for me to be done! How precious is that?

So Day 3 spring break started well, and finished with doing shopping for the Easter Bunny, and all watching a new movie on DVD - Enchanted. We all loved it and go around singing, humming our own version of "How do you let her know you love her?"

The joy of boxes!

Spring Break: Day 2.


I had been feeling a little bad because we usually have some big adventure on spring break. One year it was a drive up the coast, one year rented a house in Santa Cruz, one year we went to Six Flags, San Francisco and Monterey for the week.


This year, we stayed home. In fact, I am working three of the five days with the two boys at home...we may do an adventure day 4 and 5. So I was feeling bad. Like I had deprived my kids of fun, adventure, good times, good memories.


But I have been seeing, good times and good memories can be made with less orchestration.


So today the adventure is boxes. Nick saw a picture in a craft book on how to make stuff out of boxes. So during a break from meetings, we piled in the van, went first to get gas..the boys loved "washing" all the windows with the scrubbers, and then sat facinated at the swirling soapy monsters attacking our car through the carwash.


Then it was the hunt for boxes. Our second back alley excursion found two perfect specimens...a FedEX and a Xerox box in pristine condition. Homeward bound they could not WAIT to burst out of the car.


First the boxes were rocket ships, then treasure chests. At the moment they are being converted to television sets, with a few stuffed animals standing my to serve as actors. Knobs, volume setting, tape and dvd slots are being drawn on as we speak.


:) Don't cha just love it? Kids are a gift from God. Thank you Lord.

PS. Later that same day: The boys set up their "tvs" on the front sidewalk, and wrote out newstories and weather reports. They used me as editor on a few, to write their scripts for them. They put up a sign 75 cents and charged folks in the neighborhood to listen to their newscast!!!! LOL!!! Most the customers were grandma, grandpa and me....but they got a few cents from kids in the neighborhood, and one time when I checked on them, two little girls were sitting with rapt attention in front of the TV sets listening to Nick! :)

A Cupcake kinda day, or two or three.....Yum!

I have had several yummy days in a row. Delicious as a cupcake...and the fluffy icing sweetness, my three children.

Saturday we had four free tickets to Horton Here's a Who. So we first woke up, got my Starbucks, both the boys then got haircuts, Tad's complete with a "faux-hawk" and then off to the park. After Mary's nap, it was Movie Time! I popped four bags of popcorn, a sprite, coke and bottled water in my backpack, with a jumbo bag of peanut M&M's...Hey, since we were saving money with free tickets, I wanted to extend the glow, and save on treats too! When we got to the threatre and picked up our free tickets (a gift from my work) we found four free snack bar gift cards as well!! (Decided to save those for another day.) The movie was great! Fun, funny, clean, cute and a great moral message as well. We saw God all over it. A great family time....and just that much more fun, because it was free!

Sunday afternoon was another treat. First was a 1:1 football game between Nick, of the 49ers and Tad, of the Chargers. Mom and I sat on the sidelines with red and silver pompoms and cheered them on. I am not sure if the boys had more fun tackling each other or glances to see if their "fans" had noticed! Later we were treated the a theatrical production, skits, comedy routines, magical tricks and vantrilouquist, complete with hats, tutus, flowing leopard capes and many many laughs. It was a great time for all of us. The stuff of fond memories.

Then today, the first day of spring break....after working in the morning, Taddy and I hung out in the backyard sunshine in the afternoon. I relaxed on the hammock, (Tad brought be a pink, ruffled pillow) and he pulled a menagerie of stuffed animals around in his red wagon. He was playing school. I was the principal, my hammock the office, he the teacher, the animals the students. It just so happened one after the other kept having to come to the office for a timeout for one transgression or another. One even had to go to the infirmary for wounds encountered at recess! A fun and relaxing time. We then picked up little sister from pre-school and all of us topped off the first day of spring break with dinner at Red Robin!

A triple cupcake set of days! Thank you Lord. I love my little cupcakes!

Abortion

An ugly title, I am sorry. It is an ugly word. And an ugly act. But I had to share something....so I am sorry for any shock value contained within.

Have you ever tried to explain to an innocent child ( age 7-9) what the word abortion means? As the very words come out of my mouth, I am struck fresh with the atrocity of it.

The coversation: (Deep in the middle of a political discusion with a 7 and 9 yr old, and discussion the different platforms, aka, values of the presidential candidates, abortion rights came up a couple time.)

Tad: What is abortion?

Mom: (gulp). It is an awful law that says someone has the right to kill a baby while it is still in its mommy's tummy.

Nick: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!!!

Mom: (double gulp). I know, it is horrible, it is a law here in the US that gives mother's the right to kill the baby that is in their tummy.

Thinking I should not have said anything.

Nick: WHERE!!????

Mom: Here, in this country.

Nick: NO!!!!

Mom: It is very sad, but that is the truth.

Nick: WHY??!! Why would they do that?

Mom: (there was nothing I could say.)

Tad: (In a very sad voice) Poor babies.

Nick: MOM! Why did you tell me that???!!! Next time I ask you a question and the answer is something like that, Don't tell me!!! Just tell me it is something really really bad.

Mom: Ok. I am sorry.

After some silence....

Nick: Mom, we have two California congressmen, don't we?

Mom: I think so, yes.

Nick: What do they do?

Mom: Well, they go to Washington and respresent California's interests in making and passing laws.

Nick: Can we find out there names? I want to write them and tell them to not approve abortion. If I do, do you think they won't talk about the details to me?

Mom: Yes. I think you could write them and ask them and they would not talk about details to you. I will look up their names and addresses today.

Nick: Thanks. Mom, would pray for me, that I would get this out of my mind.

Mom: Yes.... (we pray)

Tad: Poor babies.

Pulling into the parking lot at school, Nick gets out of the car and turns. "Mom, pray again, it is really bothering me." I pray.

I am sorry that I told him more than his sensitive nature can take. And yet, his reaction, and Taddy's, as well as just hearing the words come from my mouth, hit me again. He was so shocked that his country, the United States, could condone such and act and make it LEGAL!!!

How desensitized we get, little froggies in the boiling water, to the atrocities around us.

Wanna write a letter? Here's our rep:

The Honorable Daniel E. Lungren 2448 Rayburn Washington, D.C. 20515 (202) 225-5716

Find yours at: https://forms.house.gov/wyr/welcome.shtml

And our senators:

Boxer, Barbara- (D - CA)
112 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510

Feinstein, Dianne- (D - CA)
331 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510

Find yours at: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

And pray.....

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chron 7:14

It takes a humbling of self, and what we think will "work", to pray about issues and the conditions in our country that we feel are hopeless. The tide against God's ways seems so high and so wide and so overwhelming, that we think, "It will not change. We cannot make a difference." That is pride that WE THINK WE KNOW what will work and what won't. God says to humble ourselves, put away our understanding or thoughts that we know what will work..and pray, seek His face.

Turn from our wicked ways. What wicked ways? Notice He is talking here to HIS PEOPLE. He is not talking to the unbelievers, to those around us that do not believe in God, He is talking to HIS PEOPLE. So what wicked ways? We are not aborting babies, (I hope). We are not ________. (fill in the blank.) What wicked ways?

The wicked way of not seeking God, of not praying, of not trusting in Him, of not caring about what He cares about, of not believing God, but seeking our way. (We say we believe in God, but we want to live our comfy little life our own way....if we believe God, we believe His ways, which are not our ways.)

So, if we pray, seek His face, turn from our wicked ways...he will forgive us and in return heal our land. He does not say every inhabitant of the land has to pray, seek, turn,...only His people. Do you see what we hold in our hands?

The life of millions of babies. Nick and I will pray over our letters, as we write them, and send them. Will you?

This, or it could be that, or there is this other thing....

Oh oh, where do I start...I have had so much milling around in this ol' head of mine the past few days, that I could write on lots and lots and lots of things....and who knows, I may.



I first want to say, how awesome that Christians who have experienced a truth from God, take the time to pen it...so those of us who come after, or along side, can benefit from their experience. How awesome.



So the current book that is rocking my boat, or more accurately, calming my boat down, is a wonderful little tome written in 1869. Can you believe it? Me either. It is by Elizabeth Prentiss and it is called Stepping Heavenward. Ladies, you could love it. I say "could" because different things appeal to different people. But this book is just speaking all over to me.

It is a novel, of sorts, but has so much truth and insight woven in, you forget it is a novel. It is a diary or journal of a young Christian, Katy, starting with her 15th birthday and following her through adulthood, marriage, children, deaths...and her life in God.

So many things are speaking to me in this book, but the biggest summary is that she is just like me. Struggles with her self, battling with wanting to do right and wanting to do what she wants to do. oh oh..is not that me. Over the next few days, I will share little nuggets I have gleaned from it, but I must say to all, give it a chance. It is awesome.

And here is something even more cool, look the book up on Amazon.com, and you can purchase it used for 1 penny. Yep! You read that right, 1 penny! (plus shipping, so maybe $3 max). I am ordering a few extra copies.

Enjoy

I'm the Mom....

Why I have this in my signiture line....

Un- funkycized...

Yes, here is my new do...thank you Rebecca. as well as how my face would look with a face lift!

MOVE OVER CHER!

Oh, yea, and I got over my "no make-up" thing.

Dotman or no dotman, I like myself better in make-up. :)

Hear Us, O Lord...Hear us from heaven

O

O Lord, help. You know how desperately I need you. You hear the cry of the needy and do not dispise your captive people. You will complete that which concerneth me. Sometimes I am so dry and far and just shallowly floating along.

How I need you.

As we drove in the car today..mini-van with three little ones...we listened to this following song...and I could picture, first, being in the throng, stirring the dust around our feet as we marched out, in awe and amazement, far ahead, we could see Moses...to my left and right, my children, running skipping, a day without labor so strange and unknown to us...as we stepped away from our captivity and slavery of Egypt we sang with joy:

"Our God is an awesome God, He reigns from heaven above with wisdom, power and love, our God is an awesome God."

As we pictured this, Nick and Anth were doing the sign language for the song..then I pictured, us now, marching free from the bondages of sin, and self, and culture and philosphies of this present age....in triumph, Our God is an awesome God, He reigns.

Believe it. Even when it does not look like it, even when our soul would whine for the leeks of Eqypt or get picky over manna yet again, He is not daunted. His plan is not change. His triumph is not lessened. He is still moving in power, moving in love, moving in wisdom.....it is us.....we get our face in the dust of our lives and our eyes on the pursuing army and question the power, love and wisdom of our Awesome God, when He knows, he is about to part the Red Sea on our behalf.

How desperately your captive people need you Lord. You are awesome....like Abraham often frail and failing, we choose to believe you and you credit it to us as righteousness.

Making-up by Funky Hair Girl

My hair is driving me NUTSO. My bangs are so funky. They either flip backwords, go straight up or straight out, or do an Elvis immitation. (Deep stuff today folks.) Although that is not the topic of my blog this morning, MAKE-UP is (another deep theological discussion)..I just had to get my funky bangs issues out on the table. A couple weeks ago, Mary, in need of a hair cut, was flipping her bangs onto her cheeks....and then noticed how mine flipped onto my cheeks as well...and she said we were both "Cheeky girls". :)

Any way a few blogs ago, I mentioned a one liner about
this theory I have about running into Mr. Right without makeup on... This was launched from a comment Nick had made that women did not need to wear Victoria Secrets, stating: "Don't they realize to be pretty all they need to do is have Christian ways and wear a little makeup?"

So here is the theory. It is not, what you might suppose, that if (read this in a sing-songy voice with a slight sigh....) ...that if mr right was mr right and he met you without make-up on, then he really must be mr right, since our true beauty comes from within. (although that might hold some merit.) But that is not my theory.

This is my theory:

That mr right probably is not out there (ok don't be getting depressed on me here) so whether you wear make-up or not, has no impact on the mr right agenda. It is a concentric circle kind of thing. OK...here it goes:

• Draw a circle of all the single men in the right age bracket.
• Now a smaller circle within that of the ones in the right age bracket that want women in the same age bracket.
• Smaller yet, that want, love, are dying to have wonderful, fun, lively kids.
• Smaller yet, that are Christians.
• Smaller yet, that are sold out to God.

Ok, see that itty-bitty dot... ya think someone is standing on it? Me either. SO make-up, for the mr. right-sake, is a non-issue. (More on make up in a sec.) Now, of course, with God, all things are possible, but come on, let's live our lives with passion and purpose and not hang-up the emotion meter for mr. dotman. Hey. I like that. For now on I will refer to him, when ever that subject comes up, as mr. dotman! (Maybe make a line of dolls, or greeting cards, or I can see the book title now..."Not searching for mr. dotman!" Whatch think?

ok, back to make up. For 5 days I did not wear any make-up. It was so freeing, almost. Well day 1 and 2, no make-up. Day 3,4 and 5, a little mascara, eyebrow pencil and lipgloss, nothing else (no foundation, undereye highlighter, three complimentary shades of eye-shadow, two complimentary shade of blusher, face power, lipstick and then the gloss). Day 6, my regular make-up again.

So my verdict is still out. The no make-up, or almost no make-up days were freeing, almost. I say almost because I caught myself looking in the mirror to see if I really did look grotesque and would embarass my kids and the Starbucks folks. Would they start writing Penelope headlines about me? Then I worried if I might venture off and stop dying my roots, chew off my nails and become a Birkenstop lady wearing Grateful Dead T-shirts over sloppy skirts. So..freeing a tad bit, I guess.

So, as you can guess, I am in a slump...as far as appearance goes. I do want to feel good about myself, and be semi-groovy mom (all out groovy mom is just too high-maintenance) rather than mom-o-frump....but alas, I am TOO BUSY!

so...that it is. That is the deep insightful, earth rending, mindtwisting thoughts from Funky Hair Girl today.....

One last note, or two: I am going to by dear friends salon to get my hair un-funkicized on Friday...so watch out. I would call my Mary Kaye friend to get re-make-upcized as well, but I always come away, TOO made up with a too-skinny pocket book. (Pocketbook. Does any one really call it a pocketbook any more. I mean, it won't really fit in any pockets I have, except maybe my snow parka.)

Advantages and other Complexities

From time to time I debate and struggle with myself over this concept of "advantages". What ignites it will be an article, or photo, or shared story or ____________( fill n zee blank)...where I see a child the age of one of my children, involved in some great "thing" or singing in a traveling choir, being a musical genius, a soccer star, a kung-fu hero, a mini-Picasso.

And then I mentally beat up myself for not having my child in gymnastic lessons at age 2, piano lessons with hours of practice each week, soccer camps, voice coaches, .....ya da ya da ya da. You get the idea. The "advantages" that come as trappings in parts of our culture in this generation. In other words, for a minute or three, I buy into the pressure, that I need, should, BETTER, give my kids all these "advantageous" trappings, or else I am depriving them.... And ruining the rest of their life by limiting their options to be a world-renown gymnast, concert pianist, or soccer star.

Yet, the complexity that would accompany pursuing those advantages, makes me want to throw up!

Today, sitting in front of the orthodontist office, searching for a piece of paper in my purse to jot down a phone number, I came across something I had written, who knows when:

"Simplicity Amidst Velocity. I want God's permission (blessing) to live a simple life that counts."

Yep! Still do. Have to remind myself, as I once again resist those impulses to do more, schedule more, rush more, fill-up more, provide more......FREAK OUT MORE, that there is another way. Let the velocity speed on by me and my babies. And as much as we can, let's slow the pace, slow the expectations and entitlements and advantages and lower the complexity and just sit a spell.

Look at the clouds, smell the grass, tickle the belly, act goofy...and walk a 'road less traveled.'

Yea, it will make a difference in some of their options. Perhaps. But not necessarily a bad one.

Awaiting the King...

I awoke this morning, seeing the sunshine, thinking about this day, and seeking the purpose God would have in it. I had seen The Other Boleyn Girl last night...and was feeling impressed by the confusion and purposes of man. This is what I wrote:

O Lord...you......

How at times I cannot see the kingdom work. We each spend a lifetime to get to know you even a little..to humble ourselves and surrender to you-- and then we are gone and it starts allover with the next generation and so much in this world is frivolous living and dying...or blatant sinning, evil and dying...or much suffering in living and then dying.

I do believe in the life to come and your kingdom reign-What are you waiting on? What needs to be achieved?

Like captives in the enemies citadel, we await the hoof beats of our rescuer. We encourage each other-"do not give up, He is coming, He IS coming" We help those in need, we teach our young of our coming King that will rescue us, if only we believe and do not give up hope. No we have never seen him, or have our fathers, or our father's fathers..yet, we believe He is coming. See here is his letter..and if you still yourselves in the quiet, you can sense His presence..feel His spirit that He gives you when you choose to believe-and somehow he can hear our words and thoughts--- Yes we tell our children, we encourage each other.

We try to convince others to join our side -- this remnant who believe and wait.

So many have stopped believing and gone over to the "camp" of our captors - reveling as they, focused on the moment, on making a way for themselves, in this prison citadel...and some even worse, even worse.... I fear too, there are some among us that say they believe, say they are waiting for the coming King, but their hearts are not in it...they secretly question or some even just pretend...since this is all they know....they go through the motions---

I have seen -- in the eastern part of the city - some who have so changed the message, snatching a line here or there from your letters, and believing so in altered folklore or other writings that do not stand up against what you have written..that it does not even sound like you they are believing in..that even say that you are not coming to get us, that you will not rescue us. And Lord, some, I think, are spies..or fed on the lies of spies..and are trying to turn our hearts and minds from our faithfulness to you in subtle ways, for their own purposes.

O Lord, how long? How long? What are you waiting for?

I know the servant does not question the King commander -- I trust your plan and timing...

Strengthen our hearts in the wait, shore up our resolve, point our efforts in the direction you would have us to take, light our hearts of passion and belief again with a new flame burning strong--Make our children stouthearted!...as kind as doves and as wise as a fox to detect the tricks of our enemy.

Stir us up Lord.

Burn in us.

Fuel our hope.

Reinforce our faith.

Protect your remnant, often stumbling in a stupor of confusion.. clear our hearts and minds from the toxic anaesthesia our enemy would supply us with.

Let us be raw and aware, for you..., loving, desperate to save and persevere.

Protect what is yours, what you hold precious, your treasured possession.

Save us, for we are yours.

A Nick-ism

Last night I took the kids to half-price movies, in the mall. (The Bee) After the movie, we strolled down to the food court for Chinese food. When we strolled by Victoria Secrets...all eyes had to avert left

(...as Nick says, "Keep your eyes from evil, keep your eyes from evil"...Now I am not saying that young ladies are evil, what I am saying is that young ladies, clad in extremely skimpy underware, provoctively poised, in a 8 ft poster, plastered in the front window, for all little boys and men to goggle at, to SELL UNDERWARE is evil. Yep. It is. If we won't protect our men, and make it easier for them to resist tempation, let's at least do it for our young boys...the mall should not be an R rated experience. My soap box)

Whew! ok, sorry, anyway....after dinner, we had to stroll back by the offending VS to get to our car, and as the kids averted eyes right this time....

Nick said. WHy do they do that??!! Why do people put things like that in the mall, so kids can see it??!!

And I said, well to sell underware..

"But why like that!!?" he asks.

"Well, I guess they think it is pretty underware and ladies will look at it and think, Wow, if I buy that I will look like her."

And Nick says, "Don't they realize to be pretty all they need to do is have Christian ways and wear a little makeup?" LOL!!!

I LOVE it! A man after my own heart. Cracked me up, he added the make-up. Taddy had to add, "Make-up and a cup of coffee."

Don't my little men know their mommy well, and they are young enough to think I am pretty! :)

(And this is my second day in a row, NOT wearing make-up! Just been busy and did not want to take the time. Am I being un-Christian or un-pretty? LOL! I am going to go get my coffee though, so that will make up for it? Makeup thing, I have this theory about running into Mr. Right without makeup on...but I will have to save that for another day, Starbucks is calling.)