Is it shameful?

Is it shameful to be poor?

We are far from poor, truly, I know that...perhaps we are the "rich poor". The ones who live in a culture and economy that making a very healthy income, you still can't make ends meet.

Is it shameful to be poor?

He turns his face to the window so I will not see, face crumpled in sadness, when I tell him I cannot buy the $7 box of goldfish right now, and will have to wait for new shoes, even though the old ones on one of them has ragged toes and on the other is pinching his foot.

I have seen that turned, crumpled face too many times these past two months. When he had to go weeks and weeks without a working calculator in Math and he said everyone kept asking him why he doesn't bring one, and he would not say. The day he told me that, I stopped by the grocery store and spent $10 less on groceries that week...and he walked in proud of his little calculator.

My heart ached.

He kept asking for the next music book for band, and a new mouth piece for his saxaphone. I kept postponing. After weeks, I asked when they were going to start using the new book. He said, the band teacher is waiting on him, to get his book, then they all will. :( We were overdrawn that week, but he had his book on Monday.

I told him today, things will be better in Januray. Why? He asked.

Well, I am not completely sure, but we won't be saving for a homestudy or wanting to buy a Christmas tree, and I changed internet providers and changed my phone service....so it is less expensive.

We shop at Winco, we buy from thrift stores, we see a movie MAYBE once a month. I never buy at Starbucks..... I will be paying less for childcare....

I have not minded being more conscious of spending and spending less. Going without the fluff.

But I have hated going without, or postponing on things they need.

I have hated when a note for a $10 gift exchange at school, or a plaid shirt as a costume makes my heart and mood drop. When a mistake ends up with multiple bank fees.

I hate it.

I am trying so hard. They have started saying, "momma can't afford that right now." I don't think that is bad. It is good to learn to live with less...and learn to make do.

But I hate the shame my son feels. Living in a culture where you buy what you want, when you want.... he feels shame when we do not have the money.

Is it shameful? I don't think so....what do I do to help him not feel shame? Why must we live where shame is tied to lack of money??!!!!

I make choices, private Christian school, as an eternal investment.... I know how much that costs. But I know how much NOT doing it would cost. So I make choices....

just pondering.

Christmas Projects

Well, I have knitted four santa hats so far....and dad is cutting the little bowling elves for me....and today...I saw this cute but too pricey ($28 to $318) snowglobes at Anthropologie.

So I did some investingating and found very easy instructions from EHOW and how to make your own snowglobes! My kids will LOVE donig this...which we shall...one day during their vacation break.

Here are the instructions, if you want to try:

Things You'll Need:

Baby food jar (or another small jar with a lid)
Mineral/baby oil
Cold, distilled water
Aquarium sealant or silicone caulk
1/2 to 1 tsp. fake snow or heavy glitter
Florist's clay
Waterproof figurines

Instructions:

Step 1:
Choose a small jar for your snowglobe. Though baby food jars work well, if you want to make a larger globe, you can use a larger jar as long as the cover fits tightly. Clean the jar and its lid thoroughly and remove any labels.

Step 2
Take the jar's lid with you when you choose a figurine for the inside of the globe. Any type of waterproof figurine or set of figurines will work. You may even want to choose a figurine and some background scenery to make the globe a little more interesting. Just be sure to check to make sure they all fit inside the jar lid.

Step 3
Attach your figurines to the jar lid with florist's clay. If the figurines are small, they may not sit up high enough to be seen over the edge of the jar. In that case, you'll need to either build up the bottom with the clay or attach a small platform to the bottom of the jar lid. A smaller lid or a small cake ornament platform serves this purpose well.

Step 4
Invert the jar on top of the lid to make sure you're able to see the scenery and that it's placed correctly.

Step 5
Measure out your snow as the florist's clay is drying. There are a number of things that can be used as snow. Some people use crushed eggshells, but large glitter or fake snow crystals work just as well and are easier to handle. Set aside approximately 1/2 to 1 tsp. of your snow mixture.

Step 6
Find the right mixture of water and mineral oil. Adding mineral (or baby) oil to the water in the snowglobe allows the snow to remain suspended in the liquid before it falls back to the bottom. Fill your baby food jar nearly to the top with cold distilled water (warm tap water tends to be cloudy). Add a few drops of mineral oil and the "snow."

Step 7
Swirl the mixture in the jar to see whether the "snow" stays suspended or merely drops to the bottom of the jar. Adjust the amount of mineral oil until it moves the way you want it to. If you don't like the result, merely dump out the mixture and begin again.

Step 8
Line the inside threads of the jar lid with silicone sealant. Aquarium sealant is the best choice, but clear caulk is a close second. Quickly

Step 9
Use the aquarium sealant to seal the rim of the jar and let the snowglobe dry overnight.

Step 10
Decorate the lid (which is now the bottom of the globe) as desired. You can paint it, attach ribbon or theme-related fabric with hot glue or merely leave it as is.


Tips & Warnings

Remember to choose 3-D figurines since the snowglobe will be admired from all sides. You'll also want to make sure the material will stand up to years of immersion. For this reason, it's best to avoid metal items as they may rust.

Investigate the different types of glitter or plastic confetti your local craft store carries. Many stores have theme-related confetti, which can be used in place of "snow." For instance, if you want your snowglobe to look like an underwater scene, you may want to have foil fish floating in the dome.

The Blessing of Grace....

This is what is on my heart today....the blessing of Grace..... the gift from God of belief.

Eph 2:8-10

For it is by grace

{undeserved, unearned, favor, blessings, love}

you are saved

{eternal salvation, and continually being saved, from ourselves, from our situation, from the world and our enemy, being continually restored, redeemed}

through faith

{through believing God, by believing God is who he says he is, by believing he is doing what he says he is doing, by believing I am who God says I am, by believing his word is alive and active in me, by believing my prayers of a "under the blood" momma, therefore considered righteous, are powerful and effecting, by believing that all things work together for the good for me and my children and my parents because we love God, by believing God.}

and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God --

{not only is this grace a gift, we can clearly see that, but the act of faith, of believing God, is a gift. God gives us the gift of being able to believe Him, to trust him, to walk with Him, to believe His word, to no longer walk alone, to pray and know our prayers are heard. To believe is a gift from God.}

not by works, so that no one can boast.

{nothing I do, no performance, no right or wrong, or figure it out, or try harder, or read the right book or be perfect can earn me grace or faith...nothing I can boast about....only be grateful.}

but we are God's workmanship

{masterpiece, poem,}

created in Christ Jesus

{in Jesus we are being created into a masterpiece by God, stitched, knitted, woven, painted, designed...all the lose ends tucked in...}

to do good works

{good things, right now, here, in my family are the good things God has for me to do. And even as he is still stitching the scarf, the scarf is around the neck providing warmth. Not waiting to be completed, but doing the good things, while I am still a work in progress.}

which God prepared in advance for us to do.

{He saw just what would be needed, is needed, and has woven in all to be able to complete the good things he planned. He saw the weakness, wove it in, he say the despair, wove it in, he saw the personally clashes, and hurt-heart challenges and wove it in. He saw the preciousness and talents of each family member and wove it in...to his masterpiece...}

And he sees this for each of my children, his children.....working all things together for their good, for the good things he has planned in advance for them to do....he is all the while crafting.

That is what is on my heart and mind today....the gift of grace and faith and what God is all the time working, creating us into.

What a blessing...

So much more than pie...

It's about more than pie, isn't it? (But the pie is nice.)

Thankfulness,

blessings, grace (favor I do not deserve), mercy, love

family, prayer, God....

We are so blessed, fortunate, cared for. I am truly grateful and only on the edge of aware. I know we have it good. But to truly KNOW something, a fiber-know, you have to experience what it is without it.

I have never, once in my life, woke up without having food in my house.

I have never, once in my life, had to go to sleep without a bed or blanket.

I have never, once in my life, had to walk outside, without shoes.

I have never, once in my life, been out in the cold without a coat.

I have never, once in my life, been afraid in the dark as I sleep on who might hurt me.

I have never, once in my life, wondered if my momma and daddy loved me.

I have never, once in my life, been without family.

I long for one who has.

I have lived my life without purpose, but no longer.

I have lived with my heart broken and searching, but no longer.

I have lived totally aborbed in self, but no longer (I hope)

I have lived my life trying to find satisfaciton in stuff in stores or empty promises, but no longer.

I live my life with and for the One who loves me.

Who gives me so much:

These three, (soon four, please Lord, soon four) little hearts that call me Momma.

Parents who touch the throne of grace in our behalf, who cry when my heart cries, who rejoices when we are delighted, who love us deep.

His word, a love letter setting my heart on fire.

His presence, my constant companion.

His protection, provision, plan and purpose.

I am thankful for so much more than pie....and for the pie too!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and all you love....

Too Cute to pass up....

Aren't these two of the cutest hats..Knit. and they whip up quick. I am going to make the snowman for my boys and the snowflake for my girl and ME! hee hee.

The patterns are from the Lion Brand yarn site:

http://www.lionbrand.com/

Snowman Hat

Snow StormHat

gotta go find my needles. (What is so cool, I have all the yarn for this in my stash!)

SnowStorm Hat Instructions:

I skein Holiday Homespun Yarn: Holly (Red)

I skein Holiday Homespun Yarn: Starlight (White)

Size 10 Needles

GAUGE:
13 sts = 4 in. (10 cm) in St st (k on RS, p on WS). BE SURE TO CHECK YOUR GAUGE. When you match the gauge in a pattern, your project will be the size specified in the pattern and the materials specified in the pattern will be sufficient. If it takes you fewer stitches and rows to make a 4 in. [10 cm] square, try using a smaller size hook or needles; if more stitches and rows, try a larger size hook or needles.

HAT With RED, cast on 60 sts. Work in Stockingnet st (k on RS, p on WS) until piece measures about 6 in. (15 cm) from beg, end with WS(Wrong side) row. Next (Decrease) Row: *K2tog, k4; rep from * across – 50 sts at end of row. Continue in St st until piece measures 8 in. (20.5 cm) from beg. Next Row: *K2tog, k3; rep from * across – 40 sts. Continue in St st until piece measures 11 in. (28 cm) from beg. Bind off.

FINISHING Sew seam. With White embroider a cross st onto Hat, then embroider a straight st over cross st to make a snowflake. Rep for additional snowflakes around Hat as desired. Cord Cut 2 lengths of B, each about 2 yards (1.5 meters) long. Fold strands in half and knot about 4 in. (10 cm) from fold to form a loop. Secure loop around doorknob. Twist other end tightly until yarn begins to twist back on itself. Release loop from doorknob. Bring ends together and let cord twist on itself, smoothing to even the twist. Knot ends, trim loop. Thread Cord through Hat about 2 in. (5 cm) from bound-off edge, pull to close top of Hat. Knot Cord. Weave in ends.

I skein Holiday Homespun Yarn: Starlight (White)

Small amount orange and black for embellishments.
Size 8 knitting Needles

Size h (8) Crochet hook

SIZE: 18 mos, Child 3-7 Finished Circumference 16 (19 1/4) in. (40.5 (49) cm) Hat will stretch to fit a range of sizes.Note: Pattern is written for smallest size with changes for larger sizes in parentheses. When only one number is given, it applies to all sizes. To follow pattern more easily, circle all numbers pertaining to your size before beginning.

GAUGE:
15 sts = 4 in. (10 cm) in St st (k on RS, p on WS) with size 8 (5 mm) needles and A. BE SURE TO CHECK YOUR GAUGE. When you match the gauge in a pattern, your project will be the size specified in the pattern and the materials specified in the pattern will be sufficient. If it takes you fewer stitches and rows to make a 4 in. [10 cm] square, try using a smaller size hook or needles; if more stitches and rows, try a larger size hook or needles.

NOTES:
Embellishments White, A, cast on 60 (72) sts. Work in St st (k on RS, p on WS) until piece measures 4 1/2 (6) in. (11.5 (15) cm) from beg, end with a WS row. Next (Dec) Row: *K10, k2tog; rep from * across – 55 (66) sts at end of row. Work 3 rows in St st. Next (Dec) Row: *K9, k2tog; rep from * across – 50 (60) sts. Next Row: Purl. Next (Dec) Row: *K8, k2tog; rep from * across – 45 (54) sts. Next Row: Purl. Next (Dec) Row: *K7, k2tog; rep from * across – 40 (48) sts. Next Row: Purl. Next (Dec) Row: *K2, k2tog; rep from * across – 30 (36) sts. Next Row: Purl. Next (Dec) Row: K2tog across – 15 (18) sts at end of row. Cut yarn, leaving a long tail. Thread tail through remaining sts and gather tightly together.
NOSE With B, ch 12. Row 1: Sc in 3rd ch from hook, sc in next ch, hdc in each of next 3 ch, dc in each of next 3 ch, hdc in next ch, sc in last ch. Fasten off.
COAL (make 7) With C, ch 4; join with sl st in beg ch to form a ring. Round 1: Ch 1, work 7 sc in ring, join with sl st in top of beg ch. Fasten off.
FINISHING Sew Hat seam. Sew Nose onto Hat. Sew 2 Coal pieces above Nose for eyes. Sew 5 Coal pieces onto Hat for mouth. Weave in ends.

ABBREVIATIONS / REFERENCESClick for explanation and illustration
beg = begin(s)(ning)
k = knit
k2tog = knit 2 together
RS = right side
St st = Stockinette stitch
st(s) = stitch(es)
WS = wrong side

View from my cell: Field Trip

This week I chaperoned Taddy's class on a field trip to a hard rock gold mine. The upper grounds and garden were beautiful...I guess gold pays. I was hit though by the hard life of the miners and the lavishness of the owner's "summer cottage".. Have and have nots...

Anyway, now it is a state park with beautiful grounds, a mine and working blacksmith shop. It was gorgeous weather and a great day.

Repurposing...what will it become?

"Rip it, rip it, rip it"... the sound of frogging.... I found a sweater at the thrift store made of some wonderful tan tweed wool....

And I am repurposing. Undoing all the seams, unraveling all the stitches (aka "frogging") and starting something new (and cheap). The three really large balls of yarn would have cost me way more than the $5 I paid for the sweater.

And they are becoming toast for my kids....and maybe me! :)

Plus the adventure of learning to knit on double pointed needles, knitting in the round.

I love repurposing, becoming. It is what my heart is doing, my life, my children, our family...as God directs, unravels the old and knits together the new.

New hearts, new purposes...

We all need a little frogging: "Rip it, Rip it"

Fringe on my jeans...

PS. Nick took a picture of my jeans.....so here is the real deal. :)

_____________________________________________________

I like small.

I like little. Handmade, pretty details. Itty bitty adds a lot and feels special.

I crocheted some "fringe" for my jeans. (This is not the right picture, I will have to take/post a picture later). I have some jeans that had a beaded fringe that had long ago lost all but one or two strands. As I was working on the fun blue scarf in the picture. I just love the little curly fringe on the edge of it. (It is made by chaining 10, then doing two single crochets in each chain). It twirls and bobs and bounces with cuteness. I thought, I would love little fringe like this on my de-beaded jeans! So that is what I did. Stopped scarf construction, jumped to fringe construction and stayed up to 1 am last night. (yawn)...and am wearing the bobbing cuteness today. I am looking for an excuse to wear the same jeans all week. lol.

I was thinking, as I went to heat up my soup for lunch, how much little silly joy I am getting from my bobbing fringe today. That moved my thoughts on to how the little things are SO worth it and bring a sense of goodness.

There are so many options in our world. Stores, Internet, this that, plastic, metal, modern. I love ignoring all that, and focusing on small, touchable, a little fold tucked in. Stop the clatter, listen to the whisper.

That is how God works, I think. Often. The whisper, the little joys tucked into the corner of the day. Like last night.

We are reading, as I mentioned before, a section at a time a book about family and brothers and sisters being friends. I just loved how God tucked in a little confirmation love to last nights reading. Our reading was about serving each other in a family, rather than trying to be the leader, or me first. It talked about the attributes of a servant and about how we want to do big and important things with our life, but God's training ground is all the little things in our family. It brought a lot of discussion at the table which ended with my two boys voluntarily clearing the table and doing the dishes! :)

As they were cleaning, I was sitting in the hall "frogging" * (more on that in a minute) and I noticed the white board where we write the weekly school memory verses. Earlier before dinner, I had Tad write his out. In his wobbly handwriting I read:

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' Matt 25:21

I called for the kids and had Tad read it. He grinned from ear to ear and said, that is just the same! We were talking about that..and Nick added, God must be telling us something.:)

I love that! A little bit of God whispering into our day.

Small, little, special....like my bobbing fringe. :)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

repurposing, recycling and frogging.

Knitty.com defines frogging like this:

In Japan, the kajika goes kerokero. In Spain the rana sings cruá-cruá. A beka would say bre-ke-ke in Hungary. Here in Norway, frosker sier kvakk.
In the knitting world, however, frogs say "rip it, rip it." And that's the reason knitters use the term "frogging" as they merrily unravel their hours worth of knitting.

I love the whole concept of reuse and repurposing. I "discovered: {what others have already known} the concept of taking an old sweater and frogging it to reuse the yarn into something new. I found three sweaters at a thrift store yesterday, plus a half knitted something, and I was frogging one last night when I spied Tad's memory verse. I plan to remake the yarn into some Toasts! (and these too.)

someday...

• someday i will own a real camera, rather than using my cell phone


• someday i will unpack those last four boxes from my move-in over 18 months ago


• someday i will buy that second garage door opener so my kids do not have to do an "indiana jones to get off to school in the morning. (or maybe not, they like it)


• someday we will finish going through all that stuff and have a garage sale


• someday i will give away the books in my to be read stash that i truly will never be able to read


• someday i will knit a sweater


• someday i will remember to take my reusable shopping bags to the store with me


• someday i will be caught up on my scrapbooking


• someday i will organize and purge out my craft room


• some day i will....

some day...

today I am content. fine. full of love for God and love for my kids. and some day is ok. doesn't have to be now.

Scenes from Yesterday.....

Not long time yesterday...but truly yesterday....Sunday. Which included:

1. The taste of chocolate chip cookies....


2. Mocha coffee, with marshmallows....


3. Christmas music in the air....


4. With my own private concert...


5. A one on one game of Omega Expedition....


6. With a most challenging opponent

Relaxing, a gathering in...with bits of love tucked in the corners of the day. And I even got some crocheting and reading in.

Peace...

I love the sign language motion for the word peace. I have seen it done two different ways. One showed what looked like a storm and by making an agitated motion with the hands, and then moving them down and out, to symbolize settling down, or calming.

The other one, I have seen more often, is the hands tapped first right on left, then left on right, like a cross, meaning to become, and then the same down and out motion, meaning to settle. To become settled.

I have been doing a lot of thinking and reading about peace...or the lack of peace. How easy our internal seas can rock. With reading about helping children with traumatic pasts, and how they become stressed and over-stimulated in many situations has really made me think about so much of our daily life.

I remember reading one mother on a blog saying her daughter's therapist said, after a long trip in which the daughter was really stressed and upset, that just because your car can go there, it does not mean that your daughter can go their emotionally.

Isn't that the truth!!???? I find that is true of ANY child, not just a child who has had a hard past. As an adult, I look on the weekends for something out of the ordinary to do, a little stimulation, and just woke up to realize, what I have been experiencing. My craving for some stimulation is dropping a boatload of over-stimulation to my kids. And I kept wondering why it never turned out as I hoped, and why they acted up. Just because my car (and momma) could go there, does not mean they could emotionally.

I have seen, in reading Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control (still in the middle of it), that all my children are children of trauma in one way or another. Being in a divorced family, having a momma that was working through her own brokenness (still is a lot of the time) and not as wise and attuned to their needs/challenges, and then each of them, in their pain acting out their brokenness on each other..... yes, they all have experienced trauma that has led to attachment challenges in varying degrees....to them acting out of a stress/fear mode.

Eye opening, heart breaking. yet, Hallelujah, thank you Lord, for some light that makes sense. Seeing some of the behavior for what it is... (I am a broken momma of broken children) ...brings with it hope and faith that there can be healing. That we can move from this place of fear/stress/brokenness to a place of love. A place where stress is responded to with love and fear has less of a hold. A place of becoming settled, calm...Peace.

My heart aches with ones reaction, swells with joy when another tries, yet inside I turn to my prince of peace. I do not have to fix it, I do not have to solve my children. I cannot heal them. I can help. I can influence to move us toward a more healing environment. I can pray pray pray. I can learn what I can. I can stay so connected to my loving Savior that his love fills me, so I respond in love, not in disappointment and frustration. I can do that.

Even today, I spied a few healing moments. I cut my daughters hair (brave of me, I know) and what a blessing it turned out so cute. She was so proud of her hair..and after nap, I let her take a bubble bath in my big tub. Earlier when she was frightened at lunch, rather than getting frustrated or irritated at her over-reaction. I put her on my lap. Hugged her, let her cry and soothed her. I too often had used the stiff upper lip, buck it up, its ok, type mentality. But in the last couple of days, have moved to the compassion, if it hurts you then I need to pay attention to it. And just in one day....I have seen some realness from her. Some real joy. Some real love. Some real connection. In one day! yes, we have far to go. yes we have tons of behaviors I pray will drop by the wayside. But in one day, we have had some real moments of love.

With one of my sons, in a couple other situations today, my heart was crushed by actions and reactions. By sneakiness and lying, by lying about the lying, by no remorse on the lying, by anger toward any type of sadness or guilting I had regarding the lying, and about an irritation and disdain for the word of God. Ok. I know. That could really be alarming. Might really be alarming to some. But, although it made my heart ache, although my mind wanted to first (out of my own fears) move into the lecture mode, the YOU DON"T LIE mode, into the EAT GOD"S WORD!!! mode and LIKE IT.... I didn't do that. His actions and reactions just showed me the depth of his pain, the depth of his fear and brokenness. I let him know my sadness, how it hurt to find out he lied, but let it stop at that. I did not try to force a remorse out of him that he did not feel. See, his heart needs healing first. He needs loved to the place of not living in fear, even a deep buried fear, before he is ready to even want to grasp what lying does to a relationship and what the word can do for your soul. So I hug, I pray. I stop what I am doing to play a game. You should have seen his delight. When he asked, fully expecting the "sorry I'm busy answer" and got the "Sure, set it up!". We played. He was delighted with the 1 on 1 attention. And, even when I discovered his lying to try to win. I did not stop the game. I did not even make him set things right. (Oh my gosh!). I let him know my sadness. I gave him the choice of what to do and we continued playing. The enthusiasm was not as high, it dampened the joy, you could feel the pain impact on our relationship, but I did not bail on him. I did not punish him. He will not be solved by one lecture, by a punishment, by an abandonment consequence. Love will open his heart and the way for God to pour in His healing.

Hard stuff. Hard for me to do, when logic says pounce and consequence. Love says write in the dirt, with eyes of compassion, forgive and be gently patient for all to "become settled."

Our peace, in each little soul, and in my momma soul, will not come overnight. But I trust the peacemaker, who has made a way for us and is all the time working on our behalf to will and to do according to His will. That trust in Him brings me peace and brings me the ability to perhaps do things a different way. To move my interactions with my children from under the Old Testament law, to the New Testament practice of grace.

I don't know what I am doing. But He does.

I just know I love them to pieces. I long for peace in their broken hearts....and I am not giving up on any of them...until it all becomes settled.

I blogged about it...

On my adoption blog, I wrote about my thoughts on my current passion book. ...you can read it here!

I am so passionate about helping my children love God, love each other and have healed hearts!

Planting Seeds...

We are in a season of planting...in hopes of a future harvest.

Some wake-up calls, both in crisis' and in raised awareness of our family dynamics has led us to some much needed prayer, desperately tugging on Abba's heart for hope and help. And a great book, that we have been reading, two or three sections a week, called Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally. This book is like a microscope into our family dynamics...often bringing me to tears.

Tonight as we read, Tad was not into it. He really wanted to play and do other things. He was picking it apart saying how will this help anyway. Understanding that most families fight, what make a difference. Mary kept fidgeting, getting distracted, interrupting. What I was reading was such a cry of my heart, I could not stand that they were not hearing it, getting it. Nick however was soaking it up, and I prayed a little seed here or there would please seep in.

One thing the book shared in the section we read tonight, was that it was not all or nothing. That if even one of us tries and wants to make a difference, it can start changing the dynamics. "If one person is willing to obey the Lord, amazing things can happen. It is not your responsibility to force them to work things out: it is your responsibility to be sure that you are obedient to the Lord and then to leave the result the results to Him."

Although I feel so passionate that we get this and change, and although it seemed like every attitude and distraction was fighting anything getting through, I trust that some seeds were planted and that God's spirit will water it.

It was interesting, a couple paragraphs after Taddy asked how will this book make a difference, it isn't telling me anything to DO, there was a section called "Application".

It had three awesome points:

1-"Accept God's design for your family. God is the one who has given you the family that you have. His ways are perfect and He has a purpose for what He does. If you are upset about a certain aspect of your family (such as who your brothers and sisters are, how many you have, or your birth order), you are actually upset at God. But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' "[a] Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use? (Rom 9:20-21)"

We talked about this...how one might be upset that he is the oldest, or another a girl, rather than a boy, or another that his little sister has some behaviors that annoy, or momma that she is parenting alone.... God designed our family and put each of us in it.

2-"Thank God for your family, for each of your brothers and sisters and specifically for anything about your family which you do not like. It is essential that you do this is you want to successfully apply the other things in this book. Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thess 5:18."

I thought about how even the crisis and issues that each of us have, to be thankful for, since this draws us to run to God for change. And I thank God for the specific personalities and challenges of each member of my family. This is the path He has laid out for us, with these exact ones to be with us on the pilgrimage. (Disobedience, stubbornness, brokenness and all.)

3-Choose now that you want to do whatever it takes to establish a godly, strong, edifying relationship with each of your brothers and sisters. Just reading this book will not fix things in your family.It is up to you to choose that you will obey the Lord and seek His best, whatever the cost."

We have all expressed the desire to have different dynamics in our family. I think each one things it is impossible. How could it change? What would it change now? Nick with a heartache coming through his eyes because his eyes have now been opened and he can see how we interact and how it hurts.

The challenge for Nick is in seeing, he now wants an immediate cure, and seeing the symptoms of brokenness all around him, he easily gives into the sense of hopelessness. He pulled me aside, after our reading...while the others were starting on popcorn. Privately he said, "our family is all messed up and hopeless. Taddy doesn't get along with anyone, and we don't have any money and I am going to get an F in band, because I never practice!" (The heart and anguish of a 11 year old.) We talked through each item, making practice a priority, living under a budget is good for us and it won't always be this tight, and most important, Taddy is dealing with his own hurt and issues. And we need to just keep praying for him each time we see something that shows his hurt and brokenness. That it is a journey, baby steps...and like a baby, we move forward very slowly, and even at times take big steps backwards, but all the while God is working in hearts.

I shared with him about a movie I just watched, after three people traveling across this desert in Africa and dune after dune, hoping the city and ocean, they were traveling to would be there...and it was endless. Finally exhausted, they all fell on one side of a dune...that if they could just see over the crest, they would see their destination, the city and blue seas. And often our prayers and journey is that way. We feel like giving up, when refreshment and our destination, at least on this issue, is just over the hill.

Nick asked if the three perished. They did not. A child from the city was standing on the crest, saw them and brought help. And I told him that is just like God with us. When he knows we are at the end, giving up, he sends help to us...a teacher who cares enough to have a family meeting with us, another momma sharing encouragement and tapes, a book that addresses just our hearts concern.... So not to get discouraged and give up hope. Keep on...and pray.

As I reflected on what I so desire for our family..and how far we are from the full, lush tree, bearing the fruit we desire...I did feel the hope of seeds. In spite of distractions, discouragement, feeling like kids really aren't listening, is anything seeping through? I felt the hope of planting seeds.

It reminded me of some thing that is said in the movie, You Got Mail, with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. The heroine runs a small children's book store, which has been put out of business by a big conglomerate chain of bookstores. Her accountant and dear family friend, Birdie, says:


"You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life. Oh, I know it doesn't feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure now. But you're not. You are marching into the unknown.."

That is how I feel. Brave and daring to imagine a different life for me and my kids. And even if I feel like a failure, or one of them feels like our family is a failure, we are not a failure. We are marching into the unknown with God..... planting little seeds.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Gal 6:9

Cool Sewing Sites

Some new sites (to me) that I have added to my "Threads in my hair" sewing list (see right side bar)...{thanks to Kelsey and Shiloh!}

http://pretty-ditty.blogspot.com/

http://makeitandloveit.blogspot.com/

http://littlebirdiesecrets.blogspot.com/

http://obsessivelystitching.blogspot.com/

http://rufflesandstuff.blogspot.com/

http://homemadebyjill.blogspot.com/

http://wonderwomancreations.blogspot.com/

http://sewingdork.blogspot.com/

http://www.dana-made-it.com/

Tighten your belts...

It has been quite a time for us lately. FAMILY is the biggest word that comes to mind...and PRAYER the second one. :)

God has been showing us things in our family, via school and days at home with my kids, surgery, and heartache, ...things that need attention and prayer.

It has also been an extended season of belt tightening, making do and perspective change.

Hard time, but also a turning in, family nesting, time. ....

A big thing I have seen is I just don't have enough time....and I am inconsistent. Trying to be all in this family, breadwinner, provider, house manager, momma, means that somethings are not done as well. :( And it is fraying around the edges.

This past week or so has shifted priorities, increased the intensity and frequency of prayer and caused me to pull in and away to focus within our next.

In this season, I know God is doing an eternal work in me and in my kids. I hate to make the hard and unpopular decisions, but just as Nick said when I was helping him with his homework "That's what mom's are for!!!"

Prayers appreciated.

Veteran's Day Tomorrow....

In honor of all who served and all who died...and all who will serve in the future.

Thank you.

And yes, a LONG time ago...I was one. :)

Happy Veteran's Day.

A hand up....

A new day has dawned.

A day with hope and love in my heart.

God knew yesterday and today were both coming...and this is not a walk I am walking alone.

I love God and I love my kids....

When I am ______________

{afraid, perplexed, discouraged, hurt, fill in the blank}

I will trust in Him.

He knows the plans He has for us. Plans of hope and a future.

Perplexed...

This is what I feel like today. That my burden has me bent. With my heart aching and my mind perplexed....

And this is what came to my soul.

God is working. As He speaks in a quiet whisper, he most often works in a seemingly invisible process. Love takes time. Healing takes time. Change takes time.

I realize that (so much in my self) and how much more do I realize that in my child. God does not give us a consequence...a grand consequence, and then expect {POOF!} we never fail again.

So why do we {others} expect that of a child?

God does not show us, or tell us, of our sin and then expect us to alone solve it, break free and remember never to do it.

So why do we {others} expect that of a child?

A young child?

A child who has come from the hard places (as Dr. Kathy Purvis, calls it), who does not even know why they are feeling what they are feeling, or why they do not feel {remorse} what you want them to feel.

Yet, the "solution" presented, {demanded} is fix it {fix her} NOW or keep her away from here. She does not fit in our classroom. She does not fit in our school. She does not fit in our rules. And if she will not fit, then we cannot wait. DO SOMETHING!!!

But see, I cannot DO SOMETHING the way you expect me to do something.

The something is slow and small and moment by moment and takes time and patience and is filled with hugs and love and forgiveness. Not filled with consequences, and punishment and suspension and impatient, disappointed frowns.

Do you demand a crippled man to walk!!!??? Walk or stay home??!!!!

Do you demand a blind man to see!!!??? Look or stay home??!!!

Yet, you demand a broken heart to behave. Behave or stay home....

And all of this, all of this, all of this...for the horrendous, unforgivable sin of throwing a rock. ?? More than once, yes, but still....for throwing a rock?????!!!

But I told you not to throw rocks. {I told you not to sin}

the last time you threw a rock, I made you stay home. {the last time you sinned, I sent you away?}

And now, look you have thrown a rock again??!!! What ever will I do with you? And you don't even act sorry about it!! {And look, you sinned again??!! Whatever will I do? And you don't even act like you are sorry about your sin!}

Something about this does not feel right.

Blessing 180

today in church, half the back row, where I usually sit with my three children, along with another momma and her three, was occupied. So I sat a row forward with my sons behind me sitting by their friends.

During the singing, I loved what I heard. The voice of my son raised in worship.

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,

Who was and is and is to come

with all creation I sing

praise for the king of kings

you are my everything

and I adore you."

Yes, Lord, Amen!

Autumn Pretties and internet finds...

Some internet pretties and finds:





How to make an autumn garlend, waxing leaves.....










Some free Autumn Embroidery patterns.



A cool FREE customizable chore chart.










Free knitting embroidery pattern..(can't you see that on my knitting bag?) (And other free embroidery patterns here)

If you don't mind sharing a little of embarassment, you might win some cool retro fabric here.

A free tutorial and pattern to make a scrappy log cabin quilt from all those leftovers in your fabic pile
The most darling little felt smore needle holder...
And the cutest Starwars Amigurumi set...I bought the pattern from Geek Central...

Shhhhh. don't tell. I am making a whole set for Christmas! TOO DARLING.