Take a Hard Right...

True

Noble

Right

Pure

Lovely

Admirable

Excellent

Praiseworthy

{Phil 4:8}

Some times, maybe "often" times, the right thing is not the easy thing. The true and noble, pure and lovely, admirable and excellent thing, may be the hard thing we don't want to do, in one sense but in a deeper sense, we truly DO want to do.

Yesterday I was struggling with someting. Something big. And I could not see the answer. Or, so I thought. (said?)

So, I emailed a friend about it. Bullet point by bullet point I laid out all the facts and contributing points.... Wanting her to give me insight and tell me what to do. Advice.

However, by the time I got to the end of the email, with all my bullets and points ..I already knew what I must do. The hard, right thing. (I probably knew it before I wrote the email, but that is another blog). So, eventhough it was hard, and my lets-make-sure-everybody-is-happy-at-any-cost self did not want to...I did it.

And I know it is right.

And because it is right it is the true, noble, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy thing to do.

But not the easy thing.

Rain Dance..... {Motivate Me Monday}

Over at Like a Warm Cup of Coffee blogspot it is Motivate Me Monday....so there is what motivates me today:

My mom sent me an email this weekend with the subject line: Dance, Sweeties!

And the body of the email read:


Life isn't about how to survive the storm,
But how to dance in the rain.

And that does motivate me. I know so many times in my life I have been in a survive mode...maybe licking my wounds, or more often, with my eyes off of Jesus and looking at the water around me. And I forget.

But while I am forgetting, feeling wet, life is passing me by. Moments of preciousness are going unnoticed, unfelt... I realize it SO much more with young children. Blink blink and my little baby boy, is playing basketball and has stinky sneakers! How did that happen between the raindrops??!!! I love each age they are, but wow...did not want it to go by so quickly.

So I need to pull out my sponge and soak up each of those moments. This weekend was one of those soaker weekends, when I just truly danced in our life an enjoyed my children, loving my God.

I found a journal I had when I was a teenager in highschool, around 16, and one thing I wrote in it hit me. I had written (not sure if it was original, I wrote it as if it was, but who knows...I was 16!)

Life is what happens when you are sitting around waiting for life to happen.

Pretty profound for a 16 year old. I am sure it was something to do with my angst of not yet finding the love of my life an feeling like my life was on hold. (16 years old!)

So often in my life though, it seems I am waiting for something, or looking, longing aching for something. Or at other times, in the middle of something that feels like a crises or problem or something to be fixed or avoided. So if I saved my dancing for just those times when all is right, then my old dancing shoes would still be in their box!

As we are waiting for Olivia...and to hear about our court outcome, I have learned to let it go and enjoy my family of four...in this season, before we become five. We will never be just four again....so savor this too.

Grab the moments, here, there, every day. Cooking dinner, put on a cd and twirl with your daughter in your apron. Walking to the coffee bar at work, skip a step, if even in your mind, and picture your self in a gown with a Ginger Rogers step....(google her, for those of you too young to know who Ginger Rogers is...) Love those babies, hug those loved ones, plant those flowers, both physcially, emotionally, spiritually, and bring on the rain....

The splash make the dancing that much more fun!

Go check out Motivate me Monday and some of the other inspiring writers!
http://likeawarmcupofcoffee.blogspot.com/2009/03/motivate-me-monday-last-cd-giveaway.html

Marshmellow in my hair....

A synopsis of a full, good weekend, over too soon!

One on one "date" with my middle son, Anthony. Saw Monsters and Aliens on opening night. :O)

Family chore time, with Mary and Anthony helping rake, water, plant flowers, and clean up the backyard. Spring is HERE!

Walk down memory lane with a lunch with Mary Beth and Nick at Tug Boat in Carmichael. We lived close to there when he was 1 and 2, and ate there a lot. :) He, now 10, wanted to run around the tables like he did at 2.

Meg Ryan Fan club night...with Rebecca and Donna! After the first BBQ of the season in the backyard....Nick, Tad, Mary and my gals. Yum! Movie: City of Angels. Best quote: "Just because you don't believe in something, doesn't mean its not true."

Season 4 of LOST...disk 3...(yawn...stayed up too late).

Filling up the back row at church with friends and kids....Yea Kristy and Heather and families.

Nick playing the Saxophone at the volunteer luncheon, and Nick, Tad and Mary doing the Good Samaritan skit.

Smores in the backyard fire "Pit" while playing Scattagories.

Flying kites on a blustery day and laughing as we all got tangled and blown away.

Piled in mommas room, all jammie-clad, watching Swiss Family Robinson....until bedtime.

Thank you Lord, what a full and blessed weekend, the only thing missing, was my momma and papa hanging out with us! Bless them!

Wentletraps and Whiffletrees

Nicholas is in the 5th grade. 10 years old. Just wanted to state that. :)

He constantly amazes me with the bright light that he is..shining in so many ways, of which one is just his joy for life, passion and enthusiasm.

(<--- He is in the long sleeved green shirt right there). Two nights ago, as we were studying words for the spelling bee, we started having fun with some of the words like wisenheimer, wentletrap and whiffletree. He said, "You know that movie called bed knobs and broom sticks, well we can start using the term "Wentletraps and Whiffletrees!" And so we have. We were happy to find out that I can now call my children wisenheimers when they mouth off, and we could never find zaddik in the dictionary at home, but online, we discovered that my wisenheimers would probably never be labeled as zaddiks.

Nick was just so precious at the bee. Excited, nervous. The first thing he did was look for the boy he had befriended at the regional bee, who also made the finals and would be at the district bee. You would have thought they were best friends as they reveled in their nervousness and quizzed each other on a few more words.

His friend and him were only two chairs apart in the line up. And when Michael would spell a word correctly Nick would whisper a triumphant YES!! with his fist raised in the air. Quite my little noble man!

Nicks first time at the microphone, he was so happy and excited he jumped too close, bopped it almost over, righted himself with an excuse me, which brought a laughing response cutting the tension in the room for everyone. He was so passionate and joyous each time he spelled a word correctly, that the whole audience was in smiles! It can be a very intense and serious business, what a blessing he was to bring some joy and fun to the event.

Competing with 5th through 8th graders, and being one of a small handful of 5th graders there, I was so proud of him. Each time he came to the mike, I would cringe inside...hold my breath and then YES! he got it! Grins and triumph has he hopped back to his seat full of drama.

As the rounds progressed and children unfortunately dropped out (I HATE THAT PART!!!! I WANT TO GO HUG ALL OF THEM! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE A COMPETITION AGAINST EACH OTHER!?)... Nick and Michael ended up sitting right next to each other.

Nicholas actually had to spell the word wisenheimer...and he did so correctly. When they were on the second round of 8th grade difficult level words, his friend Michael went before him. Michael misspelled a very tough word. As he left the line-up, Nick's face crumpled with sadness for his friend...but he was up and had no time to recover. At his turn, my dear, sweet, smart 5th grader, missed a very challenging word. He bravely walked back to sit by me, leaned his head on my shoulder with tear-filled eyes. My heart ached... He did so good, but I know with the dream of Nationals and Washington DC within your grasp, that is hard to understand.

He ended up in 12th place....although children spelling right after him dropped out as well... So close, (the top 4 go)....he told me it was hard to focus on his last word, because he was upset about Michael.

The word that stumped him? Mnemonic. Would have stumped me too!

I am so proud of my man. God has given him talents in so many areas and he is a shining light in his love for life and open heart to God. I love you Nicholas. You make your momma proud.

Here is a picture of him from last week, with his MIP trophy from basketball.

wentletrap: any of a family (Epitoniidae) of marine snails with usually white shells ; also : one of the shells

whiffletree: the pivoted swinging bar to which the traces of a harness are fastened and by which a vehicle or implement is drawn

zaddik 1 : a righteous and saintly person by Jewish religious standards 2 : the spiritual leader of a modern Hasidic community

wisenheimer: smart aleck

mnemonic: 1: assisting or intended to assist memory

Spelling Bee - love hate

Tomorrow is Nick's spelling bee, and I don't know who is more nervous, him or me.

This is his 3rd year going, representing his school. This year, he won the regional bee too, (2nd place in the 5th to 8th graders) so it is the district bee tomorrow.

I hate it.

He loves it.

Some times he hates it, too.

I have seen sobs, despair, tension so thick you could throw up, tears, tears, and some joy. In my mind, too little joy to make it worth it. WHY DO THIS???!!!

Each year I try to beg him out of it. Each year, when he wins at school and could opt out, he wants to go. Each year, I have seen his character grow in the competition, but he (or I) do not put the study time into it that would be needed to truly succeed. He is just a naturally good speller. (I am just a naturally astute person with the spellchecker on my computer).

So tomorrow again....we face the possible ecstasy of triumph or agony of defeat. I just don't want him to miss in the first round, for his own heart ache. Am I a bad momma?

sigh.....

And just to think, they keep doing this through the 8th grade, and he is only in the 5th!

ugh.

Fire Ignited...

This is my message today...what is on my heart. Driving into work today, I listened to this song by Chris Rice, Go Light your world...and it just made my heart ache. There are so many sitting in hopelessness, deception, darkness, feeling lonely, tired and worn longing for a flame in their life.

I was one.

...and here is the sad part.

I was a Christian, yet hopeless, deceived, in darkness, lonely, tired, worn and ready to give up.

How could that be?! I use to hide it, thinking, I have the answer, Jesus, and yet, it is not working for me. I am miserable, I am dead inside. I am just as lost as someone who has never believed in Jesus. Oh, I may have eternity secure, but the here and now and my earthly future, I am dead.

I could not admit it. I mean, gosh, I was a Christian. How could I admit the answer to everything was not the answer in my life?

I was deceived... and did not even know it. I remember, singing the songs at church, listening to the sermons, going to small group.....and thinking ...nice words, but not a reality. I do not feel, or experience these things....

I was trying to make an unbelieving husband and a lost, hurting, confused and rebellious step-daughter live the Christian rules, as I tried to live them myself, and I do mean RULES, because that was what it was, and I had NO life and none to offer them.

Then.....and I grin here, because, I am ever grateful God had a THEN in my life....

Then I got honest and desperate. With my small group, for a couple months, I quit playing the game, quit playing by the rules...and I asked the hard questions. The ones no one could answer. But I kept asking them. One night, after months of doubting, questioning, I laid down a challenge with God.

I went home on a Wednesday night, Sept of 2001, and told God, for three weeks, I would get up early, before my family and read the Bible, and after three weeks, if He was no more real to me, than He was now, I was done. No following rules, no trying harder. I needed LIFE.

The next morning, as I started to read (I started in the book of Jude, now near and dear to my heart), God took his flame of life and lit my soul.... He started a passion of fire by His life breathing into me through His word.

That was the beginning of a journey of hope that He has continued to lead me on. He keeps leading me on, to show me what life in Him is, nothing like I imagined. He made the words in the songs real to me. And it was not by doing church, or following the Christian rules, or my circumstances. My husband left, my step-daughter walked away, a year later I became a single mom, with two little boys...so definitely not my circumstances.....

It was by connecting with God in a real and honest way. By finding out that He DOES love me, accept me, want me just as I am, not as I thought I had to be...and that He does have a plan, not like we think, but a wonderful loving plan. He keeps bringing other Christians into my path, to help uncover more or what next He has for me. Beth Moore and Bible Studies, Mark Buchanan and the longing in my soul for something more, Brother Lawrence and practicing the presence of God, Stormie Omaritan, Jack Hayford and others on praying.... dear friends, Rebecca and Stephanie, to share the journey with....my scrapbook/ bible study friends....that are walking the road too, with young ones in tow, other adoptive mothers who have this heart for an orphaned child to be orphaned no more.... My dear and precious Momma, with her lit flame... and the list goes on and on.

And He continues to light my soul with His love and His word, but most of all with this personal relationship, that I never knew was possible. Heard the words, but never knew how to experience it.

So we do have a light to go light our world. And that light may need to be extended to a believer and non-believer alike, who is sitting in hopelessness, tired and worn. Who may even reject the message that Jesus is the light to ignite our soul, because of the deception of Christian rules and behavior modification being the answer. Do not hold out a Pharisaic list of steps as an answer. Hold out the flame of a loving Father and a Savior caring so much that He would drive a nail through His hand for them, for you, for me.

And if your flame is low, or maybe even out.... the spark is a whisper away....ask Him.

Abba, light me! Light me...make me burn. Light me.



There is a candle in every soul
Some brightly burning, some dark and cold
There is a Spirit who brings a fire
Ignites a candle and makes His home

So carry your candle,
run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless,
confused and torn

Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

Frustrated brother,
see how he's tried to
Light his own candle
some other way

See now your sister,
she's been robbed and lied to
Still holds a candle
without a flame

So Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the lonely, the tired and worn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

Cause We are a family
whose hearts are blazing
So let's raise our candles
and light up the sky

Praying to our Father,
in the name of Jesus
Make us a beacon
in darkest times

So Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, deceived and poor
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world

Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the hepeless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

Big things, little things and all things in between

It is Motivate Me Monday on "Like a Warm Cup of Coffee" , so I thought I would share what motives me today...

That God cares about and is all into the BIG stuff, the little stuff and all the in between stuff. In my life, in yours, in my families and friends, in the world.

He has no limits, no challenges with focus or details or grand sweeping strategies. From my son's spelling bee, my little meeting stresses, Mary's green star desires {she gets green stars at school on days that went well} to paperwork and court delays in Ethiopia, to the Kingdom calendar and bringing His will to completion here on earth.

He is about all of it, working, orchestrating....and unlike our minds, that can not multi-focus well, He gives us individual, personal, loving attention all the time. A breath away is my recognition of that and the ushering in of His presence and attention.

No longer do I have to worry about this prayer being too small, or insignificant to bother Him, or too big and overwhelming to ask and expect a difference. It all fits into His hands and heart.

And that is what motivates me today.

I had a milestone on a project that I have struggled and stressed over for weeks. Only in the last few days, did I apply prayer, realizing this too, don't compartmentalize out God from my work tasks too. I am grateful He cares, even about my work and applying the knowledge and talents he has given me to make a difference there too.

Hugs Abba. Thank you for caring about all of it.

Head on over to Like a Warm Cup of Coffee and find out what else is motivating folks.

http://likeawarmcupofcoffee.blogspot.com/2009/

03/motivate-me-monday-self-entitlement.html

Some Fluff after such intensity....

Last night Rebecca came over and we watched a Meg Ryan movie I had never seen. (IQ. very cute, She plays Albert Einstein's neice. Enjoyable.) I did not realize that there was a Meg Ryan movie I had not seen (except that boxing one) and especially one I did not know about!

So, {Rebecca}, I thought I would find out what OTHER movies might be out there. and make it a quest to see them all.

Do you remember her as the best friends wife, in Top Gun? I forgot she was in that one. She starred on TV first, when she was 20 years old....and will be 48 in November.

Looking through the list, I think I may have seen the ones worth seeing. :)

So tell me. Which of her 41 films have you not seen (or heard of?) Mine "not seens" are in italics.

Serious Moonlight (2009) Not yet out

The Women (2008/I)
My Mom's New Boyfriend (2008)

The Deal (2008/I)

"The Simpsons"

In the Land of Women (2007)
Against the Ropes (2004) ....

In the Cut (2003)
Kate & Leopold (2001)

Proof of Life (2000) ....

Hanging Up (2000) ....

You've Got Mail (1998)

Hurlyburly (1998) ....

City of Angels (1998)

Anastasia (1997) (voice) .... I never knew she was the voice of Anastasia
Addicted to Love (1997)
Courage Under Fire (1996)
Restoration (1995)
French Kiss (1995)
I.Q. (1994) ....

When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

Flesh and Bone (1993)

Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
Prelude to a Kiss (1992)

"Captain Planet and the Planeteers" .... Dr. Blight (13 episodes, 1990-1991

The Doors (1991)

Joe Versus the Volcano (1990)
When Harry Met Sally... (1989)

The Presidio (1988)

D.O.A. (1988) ....
Innerspace (1987)

Promised Land (1987) ....

Armed and Dangerous (1986)

Top Gun (1986)

"Wildside" - TV Episodes 1985

"Charles in Charge" ...2 episodes, 1984-1985)

Amityville 3-D (1983)

"One of the Boys" (1982) TV series

"ABC Afterschool Specials" ....

"As the World Turns" .... (1 episode, 1982-1984)
Rich and Famous (1981) ....

I love that song.....

Teen Challenge came to our church this morning and sang the song by Avalon "There are no orphans in God."

"There are no strangers, there are no outcasts, there are no orphans of God, so many broken, but Hallelujah, there are no orphans of God!"

As one woman, than another shared their testimony, I was so blessed. And reminded of our Fathers love. How He takes us in, what ever state, what ever brokenness, any circumstance. Whoever has rejected us, or passed us by, or whatever we have done ourselves in our broken state. He loves us. It is not religion. It is not going to church. It is not trying harder, doing more, being better. As one teenager shared, in a book I am reading, her summary of what she got out of youth group that day... "Same message. God is good, I am bad. Try harder" :(

It is not try harder!

It is a one on one jump daily, momently, into the arms of God. Just as I am, wooly and all. A JUMP into our affectionate God.

As I sat there, I thought, although there is no earthly daddy that wants my children or me, no open heart sacrificial enough to take us into his heart, just as we are, my children are not orphans. Their heavenly daddy loves, cares, supports, encourages and considers us precious, his treasured own and is making plans for us, including us, picked us out in particular.

We are not orphans in God. We are not rejected, or not good enough. We are dearly beloved. Broken, fallen, in need of love, and truly loved. Hallelujah...there are no orphans of God.

Thank you Daddy!

A cute Giveaway - at one of my favorite places....

One of my favorite places, Soule Mama's Blog (Amanda Soule) is doing a pretty giveaway of a little girls spring dress and a handmade handbag... leave a comment over there until Sunday!

(oh but, ladies.... THE DRESS IS MINE! Mary and Olivia MUST have them,)

The link is below the picture. http://www.soulemama.com/soulemama/2009/03/sponsor-giveaway-bayan-hippo.html

So what are you doing this weekend? Does it feel like spring?

I actually cut my hair yesterday (don't tell the hair nazi's {longhair site} and had some highlights put in. Still red though. She said the henna was so strong, that you can't just color over it and highlight it. I actually like the red better now that it is cut and all the scraggly ends gone.

I am getting ready to go grocery shopping, pick up some scrapbook pages I sent to costco (just loving that digital scrapbooking), plan to plant some sunflower seeds, then tackle the mounds of clothes in my room as I watch a movie. It is suppose to rain this afternoon! I actually love rainy afternoons.

Life's little blessings are so sweet..Mary gets to do all the fun stuff with me, the boys are going to play over a friends house!

Don't forget the giveaway:
http://www.soulemama.com/soulemama/2009/03/sponsor-giveaway-bayan-hippo.html

And have a good first spring weekend!

Just over heard: After a time out....

Mary: Nicky, I am sorry I called you a liar. (in a sing song voice)

Nick: That's ok.

Mary: NO IT'S NOT OK TO CALL SOMEONE A LIAR!!!!!!! {pause} Do you forgive me?

Nick: Yes, I forgive you.

swamped on the edge of spring....

I noticed the calendar on my desk says the first day of spring is tomorrow! ALREADY?! Snuck right up on me. I guess I need to pack all my knitted scarves, hats, toasties and sweaters away for another year.

I have been so swamped with work, and home and etc...the last view days.

Nicholas has a basketball awards celebration and he got an trophy for most improved player...and I have to agree. Both in basketball skills and in character, he really grew during this basketball season. I am looking forward to all the years to come.

No news on the adoption front...just waiting ...so no more talk on that. As I was driving to the Starbucks drive-thru this am, I was thinking , I will hear something today. I usually check my mail first thing in the morning or at work, but I had my blackberry with me...so I wrote in my mind a little poem about "I read it on my blackberry, in the Starbuck's drive through line... after months and months of waiting, I can say you're really mine..." potential? But, alas, no message, so I had to discard it. :)

I took a couple steps on my 60 days to a new me....my BIG hair transformation is tomorrow! lol. So will see if I am in the happy mode or 'why-didn't-you-stop-me-from-the-worse-mistake-of-my-life" mode tomorrow night. ;) I have this vision of a Chatty Cathy swinging pageboy, without the bangs. lol! Do you remember the Chatty Cathy dolls? I had one. Most I have seen on the internet have curly hair. Maybe, like Barbie, there are different styles through the years...but I remember one with a straight page boy. Anyway!

Work has had me the most busy....up to 11 pm at night on Tuesday.....just a lot to get done.

Mary said the funniest thing last night, as we were watching a little bit of a movie while I was working on my laptop. She said. "If we break the glass on the tv, will the people come out of the movie?" :)

well, I have some more inspirational type things to blog about, and this awesome book I am reading, but I am just SWAMPED. Maybe in a few days, my head will come above water.

Happy Spring!

Gotta put your perky on... The WINNER IS...

I am not feeling so hot today. I have a headache, sinus I think, behind my right eye that is traveling down the side of my head and neck...but


It's St Patty's Day!

And I had to put my perky on for my kids this am, dress in green, and help the boys gel their hair (picture day at school. Isn't it odd they picked today. The whole student body will have school pictures in green outfits!)

And I have to announce my giveaway winner in a minute.

So the thought of having to be perky, even when I did not FEEL like it, made me think of my post last night of having to do the write thing, even when you don't want to.

I know sometimes I might feel so bad, or sick, that no amount of "gumption" (is that a real word?) could get my perky on, but there are other borderline times, that for the best of your family, and even yourself, you need to dig a little deeper and put it on... So I am trying....:)

BTW-Sidenote: I am reading a new book (New to me, about 10 years old I think) by Wayne Jacobsen that I think is going to be really good. I just started the second chapter, so the jury is still out. It is He Love Me. Anyone read it? I share some more of my thoughts on it in a different post....

so....on to the lucky St. Patty's Day winner of the Family Night Devotion book Catching Fireflies by Marcy Lytle: http://sandeefamily.blogspot.com/2009/03/free-giveaway-family-night-devotional.html

It was a random number drawing and the winner is:

Denise Thompson!
http://faithinactionfamily.blogspot.com/

You have a whole passel of kids and I know you will enjoy it. I use to have your address, but please email it to me again. Congratulations!



I plan to do giveaways in the future. So thanks for everyone who played. And if you still want Marcy's book, there is a link on the post about it. You can order it online and use Paypal and she is really quick on mailing it! Enjoy...

My next giveaway is going to be scrapbook goodies!

Top of the mornin' to you!

Motivate me Monday..

Well Monday is about over, except for the Nightie Night.... here is what motivated me....

Doing the right thing, even when I don't want to...

Someone suggested getting off the computer and doing something around the house. I took it to heart. Vaccumed, clean the bathroom counters, did laundry, even when I did not want to...

When the kids came home from school, I found out it was picture day tomorrow. the boys look like shaggy dogs. ...so I took them out to get a haircut and a new green striped shirt for pictures, even when I would have rather stayed home.

Getting home late, I would have rather "Ordered in", but trying to save money and eat better, I cooked lasagna, salad, breadsticks, and made a dozen cupcakes for basketball awards tomorrow, even though I would rather have not..

After dinner, dish cleaning, cucakes all decorated....I sat down at my computer again, to rest and read...when Mary wanted me to play pin the tail on the donkey. I told her to ask her brother. (I know, I know, bad momma!) She asked him and he played and I could here them laughing, ....I walked away from the computer and joined it...because I WANTED TO!

:) So finally I relax, a busy day...dissapointed with an $1800 auto repair bill, but not down..... I am feeling such a strong love for my family and the calling to care for them....even when I don't want to.

big heart day

Today was a big heart day...and my heart is sore.

snippets:

Listening to Nick, Anthony, and their second cousin Alex playing upstairs at Alex's house. What were they doing, playing worship band, (mike, drums, keyboards, guitar) and singing "I was made to worship you" and other songs all out, no holes barred. I was emotionally floored.

Seeing my sweet momma's face, as her big, 6 ft plus son sat across the living room from her, handing her the keys to a "new" (used) car. It was a picture of love, from both sides, that I will remember forever. Humbleness, vulnerability and gracious love. Beyond describing.

Feeling overwhelmed with bickering between two of mine, in a long car drive. Feeling my nerves and mind and emotions running all over the edge of losing it. Just telling my Jesus, help me. You know what I am feeling, help me. Circumstances did not change (aka bickering) but he held me tight...and I did not lose it.

A silly comic strip in the Sunday papers (Crankshaft) that made me cover my face with the paper at Red Robin, during dinner with my kids and actually bawl for a minutes...silently. First square showed a younger couple, perhaps back in 1940's or 50;s sitting on a bench, watching the sunset, saying they wish they never had to leave, and the guys says, yes..but... second aquare shows the same lady, of the couple sitting in a chair, in her 70's or 80's, gray hair, crying. at the foot of a hospital bed, and someone stepping in the door saying the funeral director was on his way. WHAT IS FUNNY ABOUT THAT????!!!!!!!

My heart is sore...too much of a workout today, emotionally.

60 Days to a New You...

Well I actually mean a new me.... I have been so inspired by the Modest Fashion Week blogging. {See button on the right} and for quite a few months now (uh, longer) I have felt so yucka about myself...that I picked up Joyce Meyer's book Look Great Feel Great. The combo of the two, have inspirid me.

My challenge is not as much being immodest (although several years ago, when I lost a lot of weight, I told my dear friend, please keep me from dressing trashy! lol)...but my challenge is more looking and feeling frumpy and just who cares about my looks. I felt it was a lost cause. Scrambling with working full time and three (soon four) kids, single, I did not have the mental time, let alone the physical time to pay attention to my self...at least my physical self.

But I have given myself a 60 day challenge...including going through the mound in my closet and getting rid of all the junk, and too small and too too...and ugly....and organizing it. {I DO have to find that perfect denim skirt}.

So what inspiried me on Modest Fashion week, is skirts, a denim skirt, basic stuff and even just caring about it. (I always cared, but acted like I didn't). So I am going to take pictures along the way of my 60 day challenge, but not post the before and after until the end.

My first challenge is to finish reading Joyce's book. I will share what I learn along the way. I already have my first change scheduled. A hair cut and color next Thursday night! (Bye bye Red Henna and shaggy mess!)

Thanks to Joy http://sahmissionary.blogspot.com/2006/06/one-modish-item-2-ways.html ...and all her guest speakers and to Joyce's book. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And He cares about how I feel about myself as well. I want to be healthy, alive, and around a long time for my kids, plus NOT embarass them! lol!

And I found this cool website called Modest Apparel: http://www.modestapparelusa.com/Skirts_mainpage.html

PS. Still a couple days to enter the giveaway on my previous post!

Free Giveaway: Family Night Devotional Fun

So I am giving away a new family night devotion book called "Catching Fireflies" by Marcy Lytle. http://www.marcylytle.com/1.html

It is a book full of activities tied to a devotional theme for the family. It is written by my girlfriend from highschool who I lost track of many, many years ago. and just rediscover thanks to the wonders of God and facebook! Cool, huh?

So I have ordered two of her books and plan to give one away to the many {yea, mom} readers at my site. ha.

So leave a comment, and you get one entry.

Enter a blog post about it and you get two.

I will keep this open until Monday night, March 16th, an announce the winner on Tuesday.....

Some details on the book:

This book is set up with 52 weekly devotions, plus a section for each holiday/season. Everything you need is found in and around your home, and the preparation section, and the how to implement this study section, are easy to follow. Besides all of that, these studies are fun for the whole family!

Catching Fireflies has now been endorsed by Focus on the Family as a great family resource.

Way to go Marcy!

The Last Night of Esther.

Tonight is our last night of the Esther study we have been doing. It has been SOOOOOO good.

God has been so awesome in this study, as I have seen his providence and freedom from fear. It really gave me the call to step up to the ministry He has given me....my children, my parents, my family... and the freedom from the guilt of all the things I thought I SHOULD BE doing for God, and a focus on the thing He has called me to do, for such a time as this.

So exciting.

I am making little "Haman Ear's" cookies, that are in the back of the workbook. and I am making a little surprize for the ladies: A deck of cards that has each of the scenarios in the study "It's Tough being a Woman when......" and the verses that apply to each scenario. Here's a peek: {They will be cut into four cards per page, and tied with a brown ribbon.}

So I am taking the afternoon off from work to get this all done.

Tonight is also significant, because I am stepping down from leading the Tuesday Night Bible Study which I have done almost continually for the last 4 years! I just did not realize it had been that long. We have done lots of Beth Moore Studies, and two Priscilla Shirer studies and God has always touched our hearts.

I feel excited about moving into this new season. Freeing. As I will be focusing on my family, bringing my dear sweet Olivia Mame home, and blending her in with my oh so precious Nick, Taddy and Mary.... a time of family connection and nesting.

I am in NO WAY done with Bible Study...just the leading for a while... I may do a family Bible study with my kids, if I can find one...{any good suggestions???} and I plan to do some study on my own at home. (Thinking about Jennifer Rothschild's, Me Myself and Lies).

SO hugs to the end of Esther and hugs to the end of a season. God is so good and faithful. I am so blessed to be His daughter and rely on Him to lead us.

...Now off to buy brown ribbon and bake cookies! :)

Motivate me Monday....

Update to an Update: (March 11) I have to tell you...this book is so ....hmmm. fascinating, freeing, loving. I finally finished it and the notes at the end by the author. And my ending verdict. (lol yea, am I judging?) is YES! It resonates. What is funny about this book is that when I was 1/4 through it, I loved it. 1/2 through it, I loved it, but was wondering, 3/4 through it I was unsure, loved lots of stuff, unsure where it was heading, finished it...I loved it. It is very freeing, and loving and warm and JESUS. If you can step past jumping to a conclusion, and wander through the story to the end, I think it has a profound message. Our life as the church is found in connecting to and living in a daily relationship with Jesus....nothing more nothing less. Where that daily relationship leads us it exciting and not a cookie cutter. Drop the guilt and should's and dive into where Jesus would lead you, not what man my tell you. It respects and supports Bible teaching, discipling, getting together with other Christians and REAL fellowship. Something I have been longing and longing for, and get little snatches of from time to time. Worth the read by far, with an open heart!



Update: (March 10) So I have read more of the book below, almost done. and I have mixed feelings. It reminds me of something my friend Rebecca says, take the meat and leave the bones....

There is a lot in it that is good, refreshing, perspective changing. I just don't think the end conclusion is the same for everyone. I still have 1/2 a chapter and the endnotes to read. Plus I plan to research on some of the urls listed at the end of the book, to read more.

The one part that does not resonate with me is the "not meeting" stance. I think of all the instructions in Paul's letter to the early church on the church body, as well as the verse on not foresaking assembling together. I do agree that it does not have to be in this denomination or that one, in this building or that one, can be a house or ...etc. I get all that. I just feel a total turnaway from Christian's in a building meeting is not necessarily the expected outcome for everyone. (I felt like it was leading to, once you grow to this point in your walk, this is what you will do too.)

I was praying about my thoughts on this, this am. And besides the "getting together" thoughts I listed above, I think the corridors of 'church" buildings, the rooms, meetings, etc are also places where you can share Jesus authentically, and disciple, grow. It should not be the measurement or totality of your walk with God, but it is one outlet and opportunity to share and hear. SO my jury is still out on this book. It did free me in some areas, which is refreshing. I will let you know more in the future what I think.

I had to see even this be a division point in the body...either you are "In church" or "out of church" or home church, or no church...sigh.....

But God is big enough to work each of us through this. So if you are able to enjoy the meat and leave any bones you might detect, and let God answer the final questions for you, I do recommend this book.

:)




A couple things motivate me today:


First is the blessing of family....

My sweet kiddos, of course, but today, especially I am thinking of my mom and dad. They were such a blessing to me this weekend. First, on Saturday, they came over and just hung out with us. Papa put up a birdhouse and planted pots of seeds for a vegtable garden in my flower bed. It was warm and sunny, we all sat in the yard, as he worked. Nick labeled the pots and picked which seeds (watermellon and cantalope, were his picks)...and then we all tried to fly kites in the street (safe street:) ) A blessing day.


Then, the next day, Sunday...after going to the park and back with the kids, I got really sick with a headache. Poor little Mary was running through the house, crying to her older brothers, mommy is sick, mommy is sick. Very upset. Nick was over a neighbors house and Tadpole was lost in gameboy-land, and just told her, "She is not going to die>" (Such a practical little man, isn't he?..grin). Mary would have nothing to do with that. She found the wireless phone, brought it upstairs to my bed and said, now, Nanny and papa's number is...? and started to punch in numbers. Being 5, she did not know their number. SO I dialed it for her, secretly wanting help, but not wanting to ask for it, and she talked to Papa. 30 minutes later, Nanny and Papa to the rescue. Took care of the kids, made dinner, pampered me...what a blessing.
So I am motivated by the blessing of family today...and appreciating that God has allowed this blessing in my life.


My second motivation is a new book I am reading, new to me. It has a controversial title, which might keep someone from reading it, but I had heard a lot of folks commenting on it here and there, so I had to pick it up. And it is blessing me. It is focusing me on that I do not have to try so hard to be this perfect person. That God loves me, and I do not live under the law. I live in a relationship. It is so freeing and refreshing. I know I am not doing it justice, and I am only about 4 chapters in...but it is a big motivation. The book, So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore by Jake Colsen (Author), Wayne Jacobsen (Author), Dave Coleman (Author)

Something that is refreshing me, is I have been beating myself up to still be struggling with some things this "late" in the spiritual journey. I am coming to peace with the fact that I may always struggle with one thing or another, in this journey. It is not the lack of struggle that God wants from me, it is the authenticity and intimacy of relationship. Like a deep sigh and breath of fresh air, I lean back into Him and relax.

ok. thank you Lord.

A really cool {modest} giveaway~

Joy, a simply delightful wife, momma, daughter of God and missionary in Indonesia is doing an awesome "study" this week on modesty. (See the button on the right).

She is also doing a great giveaway to anyone that is interested. Cool things froms me designers and boutiques that have cute and modest apparel and accessories. Go check it out and click a chance to win!

http://sahmissionary.blogspot.com/2009/03/modest-fashion-week-game-plan-and.html

re-Inspiration

Re-inspiration~reinspiration... to inspire again, repeat inspiration.

I made it up. It is not in Webster's dictionary. But maybe is should be.

This morning I was reading in Philippians Chapter 3, verse 1, (my current spot in trying to read the Bible backwards), and it led me to think on reinspiration.

"Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you."

The words that stand out to me, besides rejoicing in the
Lord, are:

no trouble
same things
again
safeguard

One commentary said: "Where serious error is present, there is safety in repetition."

God reminds us, the Spirit brings things to our memory, scripture repeats scripture bringing back a message or thought again and again.

{John 14:26 But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.}

I have often heard the same message from several different places, all within a close time frame. I may read a line in a book, then hear a song phrase, and then a sermon point or a bible study will echo the same theme, once, twice, or more, the same thought.

My two boys memorize Bible verses at school, a new verse every week. I too, am trying to memorize a new verse every 15 days. Nick remarked how lately our verses seem to be carrying the same theme, although we had no orchestration of that. He says, with a grin, "God is trying to tell us something." :) Yes, He is.

Graciously, out of love, it is no trouble for God to tell us again, remind us, of something He wants us to know. To get.

I often re-read a book and am surprised, slightly alarmed/perturbed, though also joyfully re-inspired, when a key thought or principle that impacted me before, does it again. I have a re-epiphany. Like a familiar friend, that I have forgotten about, or a friend I am getting to know better, deeper.

Sometimes I get upset with myself-that I did not remember that...that I need the repeat. I feel my logical mind hesitating to read again a book I have read once or twice before. Yet, part of me keeps longing to go back and read Believing God by Beth Moore or Things Unseen by Mark Buchanan again, and again. I need to GET it.

Or I feel myself shying away from repeating a Bible Study I have done in the past.
Yet, I find, when I do, it speaks to me again! Sometimes the same things, sometimes different things. I am different the second time, my circumstances may be different now, my concerns - different, my heart is different and it speaks to me...again.

Reinspiration.

It is silly to feel like there is something wrong with me to need repetition. Repetition given lovingly is demonstrative love. It is for my soul's safety, that God finds it “no trouble” to tell me again the same things He has told me before...

...like I love you.

As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:13 ,14

He knows we need a repeat, three-peat, infinity-peat.

Carrying this farther, with my children, I should not be dismayed when I see they need me to lovingly repeat a lesson, coaching, correction or guidance. It is a safeguard for them.

I need to do it with my "fresh mommy voice" not my haven't-I-told-you-this-a-1000-times voice; joyfully with a "no trouble" attitude. The same attitude God has toward me. Not a nag nag nag, but a hug hug hug.

Re-inspire them and Lord, reinspire me.

Thank you that you know how we are made and you plan for it. Say it again Lord, Please, until I get it..and then again, just for the joy of it.

~Amen. So bet it. Amen.

Puppet Man - an inspiration!

{I need a better digital camera...anyone know what I should get?}


Introducing, the Puppet man! My talented and inspirational son, Nick.

First, I just love that both my boys, and it seems Mary too, LOVE reading. The boys stay up at night with little "electric candles" and read in their beds. They get excited when the news printed Scholastic Book order forms come home, a trip to the library is a treat and the book fair, well, sends us all in a spin! :) I love that they have a love for books like their momma, (and grand momma).

So Nick read a trilogy: The Door Within Trilogy by Wayne Thomas Batson It is a Christian Trilogy, fantasy fiction that had him totally engrossed. He used it for his book project at school last month. As a book report, the teacher is open to any creativity the students come up with.

Nick made sock puppets of the characters! So cute. He was so excited about making them last Saturday and was quite creative with buttons, yarn, egg cartons, paint, glue, aluminum foil, ribbons, twine and scrapbook paper. They all "dried" in a bucket and rested, except for a daily exercise in practicing their parts.

And....

Ta da!

Today is the day.

Nick was happy, excited to bring out Paragor, Allebie, the Wyrm Lord, Aiden and (I am sure I don't have all the names right..)all the rest from their bucket home and take them to school today. My pictures do not do them justice, and I did not get them all. But it is all quite cute, fun and inspirational.

A footnote: {no pun intended} I thought this is so BOY and so Nick, that he was so extremely anxious to make his puppets last Saturday that he would not give me the time to go buy new clean white socks, or even find the cleaner ones in his drawer! He thought it was perfectly fine that the socks were worn, dusty colored and old. He said it added "depth and texture to the characters!" LOL.

ah my boy! An inspiration! You bring joy to my heart.

Yummy Tummy

LOOK! At this cute clever yummy tummy Chocolate and Peanut Butter Wonton from this momma at urban organica!

I am buying the ingredients to make some this weekend! you have to go check out her pictures. Too cute!http://urbanorganica.typepad.com/urban_organica/2009/03/chocolatepb-wontons.html

A longing for the country....

The newest issue of Country Living was in my mailbox today.

I meandered through the pages, almost like a relaxing walk down a country road. I savored the worn painted benches, the wooden floors, quilts on thebed, the collections of this and that, (especially the skeleton keys, and the old book of handwritten hymns). I envied the family from Venice Ca with a second home in Conneticut.

As I meandered, I realized, I have had to let go of a dream......

Out of necessity, perhaps, but let go all the same.

I had always dreamed of living in a country home, or a farm house, in a small town or in the countryside surrounding one. From time to time I have looked at homes in the country, looked at home plans, looked at property, even driven out to some. I would fantasize that when I became a wealthy author, I could live and write anywhere, so why not in the country, in an old house, with a big porch and a barn.

Our drives to the coast each summer pass through farmlands, vineyards and orchards.

I drool over all the farmhouses, and pray, instead of a mansion, that I could have a yellow farmhouse with white trim when I get to heaven.

Silly. Who am I kidding?

I am a single momma, older, working in a corporation to support my children and myself. That country dream is just not for my lifetime. Maybe one of my kids, perhaps. Although, I am not sure they have the country bug, like I do. We have private schools to drive to, and basketball practices, the corporate office and our rental suburban home.... We can't live miles away in the country.

I know that.

Still....

...I long for it.

And each month, when the magazine comes, I live their for 30 minutes or so.

The last four pictures are ones I took in Oregon, in 2005, when I thought I was moving there.

Art Therapy

I saw this fun video from a link off Soule Mama's blog: http://www.soulemama.com/ and just had to post it here. So fun to watch. Makes me want to grab the pens and paints. I just might have to have some art therapy with my kiddos one night this week!

Is there anything as tastey as...

...cupcake batter. aka. cake batter. I remember fondly, as a little girl, mom making a cake and getting to lick the beaters and the bowl! YUM! I am making S'More cupcakes for Nicholas' class tomorrow. They are doing summer birthdays. Ie, if your birthday falls in the summer, when folks are off from school, they pick another day to celebrate it. So tomorrow is Nick's "fake" birthday.

I saw this cutest pictures of S'more Cupcakes, so I am going to try to make them. I will, post later a picture of mine so you can see how they turned out. This picture is from some other talented baker. So, as I was mixing the batter, and filling the cups for the oven, I almost felt guilty that no child was around at the moment, so I HAD TO be the bowl licker! hee hee. What a pitty. I almost overloaded on cake batter! Almost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS. Ok a few hours later...here is the real deal. I even toasted the marshmellows before putting them on the cupcakes! And we each had one for dinner dessert. They are tastey!